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Sex And No After Call?

Updated on April 29, 2014
Miss-Adventures profile image

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

Call me crazy, but if you have been dating a guy for several weeks or longer and you finally decide to sleep with him, there should be an unspoken common courtesy that he will text/call the next day or by the following day at the latest—not weeks, possibly months or Never!

Situations that it's ok and not expected that a guy calls the next day (or ever):

  1. After a consensual one night stand.
  2. She is a prostitute that you paid to have sex with.
  3. She asks you not to call her after sleeping together (rare, unless you were bad in bed).
  4. She is an escort that you paid to have sex with.
  5. You find out she's married (not cool).

Other than the reasons listed above, it is insulting to not call a woman after sleeping with her.

I can't tell you how many of my guy friends have said that the reason they did not call after sex was because they didn't want the woman they slept with to think that they wanted a serious commitment. They didn't see her as marriage material, so what was the point of calling? My reaction, "did she tell you she felt you were husband material?" Their answer, "no."

When a guy makes the assumption of what he thinks you want it's because his ego is way too big.

Too often men make assumptions and excuses for what they assume women are thinking and feeling. Most women don't assume that by having sex with a guy he automatically turns from someone they are dating to their boyfriend (or is in the running for husband status).

For most women, sex does not equate to long term commitment or marriage unless:

  1. She directly tells you that she doesn't have sex until she's in a committed relationship.
  2. You both talk about waiting to have sex until you're both ready for a long term commitment or marriage.
  3. You tell her that you are looking and wanting a serious relationship—thus the assumption that when you sleep with her, you are making the statement that she is the one you are ready to commit too.
  4. She's a virgin.
  5. Religious reasons—which usually involves no sex until after marriage.

#1 reason to text/call after sleeping together....No woman wants to feel used or like a hooker.

If a guy isn't interested in anything serious, then he should be upfront and honest about that before sleeping with you. Why date a woman for several weeks or months—getting her emotionally attached, then sleep with her—knowing you have no intention of calling because you are definitely not looking for anything more than a one time hook-up or casual fling? Why not just pay for a prostitute? Frankly, it would probably be cheaper and less emotionally messy.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not an advocate for paying for sex. However, if a guy cannot be honest with his intentions, then maybe another avenue would be best for him. FYI—it is legal in parts of Nevada.

Sex is a two way street. It takes two people to consent to sex, as well the desire to ultimately be together. For most women, this desire is built up after spending time with a guy. Increasing the amount of dates, laughs, commonalities and romance—the stronger our feelings develop—intensifies the want to sleep with the guy we're attracted to.

# 2 reason to text/call...It's the gentlemanly thing to do.

When a guy doesn't respect you enough to give you the courtesy of calling/texting after sleeping with you, he's not only rude, but has an overly enlarged ego. For any man to assume what you want or expect without asking first, is frankly offensive! Maybe you also want to just have fun (especially if the sex is good). Maybe you want to date, but not have a commitment. Or, maybe you like the guy and don't have any expectations, but want to keep an open-mind (versus closed) for whatever could potentially happen.

Again, calling the next day or the day after sex do not make a woman think that you are her boyfriend. But, it does make her think that you are a decent guy. Calling, especially if the sex was great, not only confirms that you also enjoyed yourself, it makes her feel valued and again respected. Not reaching out afterwards—makes you a dick.

Although it might be an easy out for a guy to claim that he didn't call after sex because you weren't "the one," there are usually many more reasons why you might not hear from a guy.

Other reasons why he might not call after sex, or wait Way too long to call:

  1. Regrets he slept with you—he was drunk or felt like he took advantage of you.
  2. He's immature and inexperienced.
  3. He was embarrassed—didn't think he was any good in bed.
  4. He has a girlfriend/wife that he didn't tell you about.
  5. His hands became immobilized (no longer able to use them to dial your number)—right after sleeping with you.
  6. He was dating someone else at they same time that peaked his interest over you.
  7. He died (plane crash, car crash, freakish illness).
  8. He's younger and didn't know how to handle the situation.
  9. Lets face it...he wanted sex and once he got it, he was done.
  10. You weren't his cup of tea in the boudoir.
  11. He lost his phone right after he slept with you and had no way of retrieving your number (hmmm....iCloud)
  12. He had to enter a witness protection program immediately after his night with you.
  13. Plain and simple... He is an a-hole!

Yes, some of the reasons might sound ridiculous, but it's just as ridiculous for a guy not to call, especially if he's over the age of thirty. When two adults decide to connect in a sexual way that have been dating—possibly for awhile, it should at least mean that if the interest isn't there anymore, you are told so—preferably by a phone call, however text or email is better than nothing.

#3 reason to call after sex...You shared an intimate moment—the proper thing to do is acknowledge that!

Ladies, if a guy decides to fall off the map—weeks, months or possibly forever—after sleeping with you...shame on him! He is definitely not the right guy and does not deserve your time, energy or emotions. I get that some men get freaked out easily—needing to go into there man-cave to figure out what they are feeling and then come back when they are ready to handle the situation. But, is that the type of guy you really want to be with?

Red flags can appear in all relationships, however, when they appear too soon—that is never a good sign, especially once you have been physically intimate. Protect yourself emotionally and physically. Discuss what you are looking for before sleeping together—be very clear. And, always, always wear a condom—if he doesn't call, you have one less thing to worry about.

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    • profile image

      lisa 5 months ago

      Was seeing this guy for a couple of months and slept with me and then use the f word never seeing him since

    • PDXBuys profile image

      PDXBuys 11 months ago from Oregon

      Her red rotary dial phone is extremely outdated. And staring at it will not make it ring! Just a thought...

    • PDXBuys profile image

      PDXBuys 11 months ago from Oregon

      Keep in mind that there are women who ignore men after intimacy as well. Not only do they not call but they completely dump the man after one evening of sex. Women act more an more like stereotypical men these days. And it is a real turn off.

    • Safari Chic profile image

      Marlene 2 years ago from FL.

      A very good hub. Women should be on the lookout for these relationship red flags which are not always easy to spot during the early stages of dating, but don't ignore any signs of bad behavior & if you are a smart woman you will know whether a guy is using you or stringing you alone or they're really interested in a long term commitment. Joseph makes a very good point .

    • profile image

      Lucy 3 years ago

      Can I have a number

    • profile image

      Joseph 3 years ago

      This article is ignoring a common reason for not calling. He just isn't attracted to you at all. Sometimes a girl you aren't even interested in just tears her cloths off and throws herself at you for no apparent reason, and you just go with it.

      If you asked a girl out on a date, kissed her first, asked her for her number or in any other way actively pursued her, then you should call her afterwards. If she was the one who initiated everything and you just went with it, then you can still chose not to call her because you just aren't interested.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 years ago

      I have to agree with Terry on this. It's 2014. She can always call him! :)

      If two "consenting adults" have sex why is one person more obligated to call the next day than the other based upon their gender?

      If someone wants to talk to you they will call you and if you want to talk to someone you should call them.

      The vast majority of "one night stands" aren't planned to the point where people say out loud to each other "Lets have a one night stand". Therefore in (most instances) you don't know it's a "one night stand" from (their) point of view until days or weeks afterwards. That's when it becomes "consensual".

      Oftentimes when a guy has been "waiting" to have sex with a woman for weeks or months and it turns out to be "so-so". He's not going to be in a rush repeat it.

      Being a guy I can tell you that I have never had "one night stand" that contained "mind-blowing" sex. If it would have been that great I would have had to at least have seconds!

      Neither party should feel like they (owe) the other person a call or that the other person (owes) them something. Sexual equality means no one received a "gift". It was a mutual exchange.

      Hopefully no (adult) is having sex with any hidden agenda. Ideally both people will have orgasms and anything beyond that is icing on the cake.

    • profile image

      Terry 3 years ago

      Why don't you just call the guy instead?