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Sexual Encounters: Is Cheating Ever Justified?

Updated on June 11, 2011

Responses to this age old question should be interesting. The recent Wiener revelations about cheating on his pregnant wife indicates bad morality. Private or not, it is public and those in high offices ought to have higher standards. How could cheating on your wife who is pregnant with your child ever be "okay"? That, to me, is far worse than "regular cheating" (I.e., someone who is not pregnant) because usually children cement many fragile relationships. They are the glue that holds so-so partners together for time. If the guy cannot even be faithful while she is pregnant, when would he?

As to regular cheating, it is never healthy for either party for different reasons. The cheater is faced with a sea of lies to live in and with each wave repercussions occur until at some point the wave is a tsunami. The one that "breaks the camel's back" and exposes the lie that leads to a series of lies. It devastates the innocent and causes collateral damage. It devastates the cheater when they are caught but it lasts much shorter period of time because they seek refuge in their new love. The innocent simply wallow in deep hurt and self blame. And time does not heal the pain in the victims. It will take years for that pain to fade into an aloofness of WTF, but, its scar is forever in your psyche and may impact the next relationship.

Some will say that cheating as a "pay back" is justified. Why, then, stay in the relationship? with that attitude, each party simply assaults the other with the cheating weapon until both warriors are decimated with hurt and anger.

When is it proper to allow forgiveness to cloak the cheater? The trust has been shattered, it will never be the same because of even one cheating episode. What are the real reasons the victim forgives? Is it out of true love? Need? Economic situation? Maybe all three?


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    • Pollyannalana profile image

      Pollyannalana 6 years ago from US

      Well I don't mean to brag on myself and since it is not here it doesn't break any rules but I wrote the most beautiful poem about Elizabeth Edwards the day she died and put the song that she loved so much with it,(Dance Me to the End of Love) What was done to her will always hurt me for her so bad I think while dying she helped him in every way she could, and that woman was not even good looking, but how his kids can stand him I do not know. He deserves what he gets but it will be nothing, as it is with politicians, in this life anyway.

    • perrya profile image

      perrya 6 years ago

      Christine, I am shocked your hub would cheat on you, why? His loss for sure. But I did forget about Edwards, cheating on a woman he knew much of their lives and was dying of cancer. That tops the worse, then lie about it and father another kid while she was dying. I cannot imagine how devastated she much have been!

    • Christine P Ann profile image

      Christine P Ann 6 years ago from Australia

      No, it is never ever justified and when it comes to payback well I can definitely understand the need to show the other what it feels like to be cheated on, but why lower yourself to their level? My first husband cheated on me and I left but later forgave him only to discover he did it again and had been having multiple affairs and one night stands our entire relationship. On the occassion I returned to him, money and security were factors (sad but true) I had loved him very much but the love dwindled due to his affairs. I agree with Pollyannalana that people should be human enough to say they are unhappy and want out. I have written a hub on the subject of affairs and the fallout and cost that results in this selfish act. Good hub PERRYA I voted up!

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 6 years ago

      Very well written hub!

      “Is Cheating Ever Justified?” well I suppose it depends on who you ask. The first lie a cheater tells herself/himself is what I call “The lie of justification”. He/She has to make it “okay” in their mind before they commit the act. If they didn’t “justify” it then “guilt” would stop them in their tracks.

      Actually this is true of all “morality” decisions one contemplates. A homeless man may justify shoplifting food from a store but the storeowner is not going to be happy about it. The hurt party/victim is never going to feel like they deserved to be hurt.

      From what I’ve read men cheating on their pregnant wives is not as uncommon as you might think. Who knows what goes on, Maybe they don’t see their wives as sexy or the wife’s hormones are so out of balance that they have no sexual desire for their husband.

      As bad as cheating on a pregnant wife is, I think John Edwards cheating on his dying wife was the worse. This is especially true in light of the fact he created another child.

      Cheating is a selfish immature act perpetrated by those that either lack the courage to end one relationship before starting another one or they are trying to “fill in the gaps” they perceive to exist in their current relationship. They want to hold onto the good in both relationships.

      Maybe one woman treats him “special” and the other one “takes him for granted”. (I highly doubt most people get married planning on ways to cheat.) Who knows what the “trigger” is but one thing is for certain they’ve decided it’s easier to cheat than get a divorce. They say most men don’t leave their wives for the other woman. Oddly in this day and age there appears to be (no sisterhood) among women. Long gone are the days when a husband had to remove his wedding band to find a woman that would have sex with him. Quite a few women “knowingly” enter into relationships with men the whole world knows is married. I suppose “the other woman” is just as selfish as the husband. She could careless about his wife and children.

      You bring up a very good point as to why do the victims forgive. It's also interesting how much flak they take for staying in their marriages! It's just goes to show that not everyone has the same "deal breakers" :-)

    • Pollyannalana profile image

      Pollyannalana 6 years ago from US

      Many women could have all three reason and it is a shame. I know many women my mother's age and older raised a house of kids and didn't work although my mom had much more education than my dad. Women had no choice but to stay. I think men really were expected to or it was accepted let's say. My mother-in-law said that to me once about my husband when I had a fit he was wanting to go out with an old school buddy I didn't trust. She said it was different for men....I can't remember the mouthful I told her but she had no response. Today more than ever because of all the horrible sexually transmitted diseases is enough reason alone! Possibly bringing to a wife also which is not as simple as it was years ago when penicillin would take care of it, but then I suppose it could effect an unborn baby. Just like rape if you want my opinion, if they can't keep it in their pants...castrate 'em! (Women too BTW) If a spouse wants out or someone else then let them be human enough to say so and make arrangements for their new life, be fair, that's all. It may hurt as bad but at least it is honest!