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A Guide on Meeting Men

Updated on October 27, 2010
Dating can be fun
Dating can be fun
Yoga is fun, too, but won't make you breakfast
Yoga is fun, too, but won't make you breakfast
Coffee = Love
Coffee = Love
Bars are too crowded and noisy
Bars are too crowded and noisy

Iliza Shlesinger on Dating

 Your friends tell you that you need to meet a man.  You need to get out.  You need to date.  You need to find someone special.  And on and on and on...  You secretly hate your friends.  Admit it.  I don't blame you.  Dating is tiring, depressing, frustrating and a pain in the you-know-what!

There are so many reasons not to date.  You don't have enough time.  You never meet anyone you like.  You like having your own space.  Men are jerks.  All of these reasons are valid, but they are also complete and total crap.

There is never enough time in the day to do everything we want or need to do.  But that doesn't mean you cut out the chance of having a love life just so you can squeeze in yoga.  Yoga may bring you inner peace, but it isn't going to make you breakfast in bed!  If yoga could do that, I would dump my boyfriend and take up a class!  A first date, especially another blind date your friend has tricked you into, can be as simple as meeting for coffee and chatting for an hour. 

You never meet anyone you like?  Maybe you are looking in the wrong place.  Bars are terrible places to meet men!  Do I need to say it again for extra emphasis?  Bars are terrible places to meet men!!  And all those blind dates your friends are setting you up on aren't helping things, either!  Your friends mean well, so even though you hate them, they think they are helping you.  If there is an activity or group you are involved with, try meeting men there.  Obviously, you already have something in common with them!

I like having my own space, too.  Being in a relationship, or even dating, does not mean that you are surgically attached to someone.  You don't have to move in with the person, or get married, or anything drastic like that.  It's just dating!  You will still have your own space.  And, if at some point, it does progress to marriage or living together, fine, but set aside a place that is completely your own. 

As far as men being jerks...well, there isn't a lot I can say there.  A lot of men are jerks, but again, maybe that has something to do with where you are meeting these men.  I love men, but I have met my fair share of jerks.  There are good men out there, but they tend to not stick out as much as the jerks do.

Jennifer Aniston on Dating and her new movie: "He's Just Not That Into You"

Where Are All The Good Men?

 While that may be a question that inspires some interesting debate and a joke or two, it's a valid question.  There is a reason for the saying that all the good men are either married or gay.  Though not all married men are good men.  It's like those silly IQ questions.  If all blips are quarks, and some flips are bops, are all bops quarks?  But, anyway, where was I??

Where are all the good men?  It seems that the days of romantic, chivalrous men have faded into the past like an old photograph.  I can't remember the last time a man opened my car door for me, or offered his chair to me when there were no places to sit.  Is this a sign of the decline of good men, or a side affect of the feminist movement?  I don't really know. 

I do know that there are good men out there.  I have met many.  I will not be giving out their phone numbers.  I may need them one day.  I can tell you that it's all in where you look, and how you look at things.  He may not be a muscular, knight in shining armor on a white horse.  He may be that friend who is always there to listen, who knows your thoughts before you think them, that guy who looks at you from across the office, always has a smile and always wants to know how you are doing.  The good guys tend to fly under the radar.  They tend to have a lot of female friends, but they are usually just that, friends. 

A friend once told me that a supermarket is a great place to meet a man.  She's right.  Next time you head out to go grocery shopping, take your time and pay attention to everything around you.  Do you notice a guy pretending to pick through the tomatoes, glancing at you every so often?  Smile!  Look friendly and approachable.  Then, casually carry on with your shopping, but don't stray to far.  Just head to the next produce bin, and shop, or pretend to.  Glance over to see if he is looking.  Again, don't forget to smile! 

He should get the hint by now.  Give him the chance to come up to you.  Or keep wandering closer to where he is shopping.  If you are close enough to be in speaking distance, say hi.  Even if a date doesn't come out of an exchange like this, it can be fun, a confidence boost, and it's great practice.

Like I said before, involve yourself in activities or groups you enjoy.  Those are great places to meet men who have similar interests.  And, it gives you a built-in conversation starter.  You just casually ask his opinion about something, or ask him what he thought of this, that, or the other.  It's a great way to get communication going, and it provides for minimal rejection.   

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    • profile image

      C. C. Riter 8 years ago

      I say get into birdwatching or some other wildlife activity. You'll meet some very nice good men. You'll also learn valuable things to know about our/your wonderful country and how to help the evironment.

    • Shady Lady profile image
      Author

      Shady Lady 8 years ago from here and there

      Excellent advice!! I love the outdoors, and I enjoy hiking! I have met a lot of great men that way!

    • profile image

      C. C. Riter 8 years ago

      I love it when I can get out. Last good one was in Mexico.

    • Shady Lady profile image
      Author

      Shady Lady 8 years ago from here and there

      Mexico is a beautiful country! I have been there several times.

    • profile image

      C. C. Riter 8 years ago

      It is, but it's just too dang hot! Love your avatar

    • Shady Lady profile image
      Author

      Shady Lady 8 years ago from here and there

      It does get a little hot in the summer, but early spring is beautiful. Thank you!!!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

      That always happens to me. I go to the grocery store to pick through some tomatoes cause I'm making dinner later for my wife. Before I know it, there's some gal smiling at me from over at the apples. I just came for some tomatoes!

      Seriously, nice article. Smooth, flowing and it really held my interest. Thanks for writing it.

    • Shady Lady profile image
      Author

      Shady Lady 8 years ago from here and there

      Your wife must get upset with all that attention you get, or is that why you go to the store without her? Thank you for the comments. It's great to get some feedback as I start doing this!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

      Naw. I'm just dreaming. My wife has no worries. She used to be really jealous for no reason. It was funny but annoying too. She's not anymore. Hmmm. What's up with that?

      Past my bedtime. Again, welcome. I'll see you around, I'm sure.

    • profile image

      C. C. Riter 8 years ago

      See, he's musing you. Read his hubs and you'll see tha attraction, he's good, no, great.

    • Shady Lady profile image
      Author

      Shady Lady 8 years ago from here and there

      Christoph, Maybe you are one of those good men, and she was worried that someone would try to steal you away from her, but as time has gone by, she has realized that you are a good man, and knows she doesn't have to worry.  Good night, and thank you for making me feel so welcome!

      C. C., He is definately a charmer. But then, charming men are a dime a dozen. From what I have read so far, he does have substance, and that is more rare.

    • Jewels profile image

      Jewels 8 years ago from Australia

      Christoph, it's your magnetism. Tomatos, cucumbers or that man over there?

    • profile image

      C. C. Riter 8 years ago

      Shady Lady, I'm so gald you have joined us. You will fit right in. Now this old fart needs to get off her and rest some more. Looking forward to more of your charming ways. g'night

    • Shady Lady profile image
      Author

      Shady Lady 8 years ago from here and there

      Jewels, thank you for the insights into Christoph.

      C. C., that you again for making me feel so welcome!! I do hope I fit in, and find more writers like you and Christoph who have made me feel great about attempting this writing thing! Good night!

    • Elena. profile image

      Elena. 8 years ago from Madrid

      Hi Shady! Bars and blind dates are equally terrible to meet women! Laugh! Not that I'm looking to meet anyone now, but in my experience you meet the best bets in ordinary settings, like the supermarket or on your way to work -- welcome to hubpages, you mysterious you!

    • Shady Lady profile image
      Author

      Shady Lady 8 years ago from here and there

      Elena, you are right.  Bars and blind dates aren't great places to meet anyone! Thank you for the welcome!

    • trish1048 profile image

      trish1048 8 years ago

      I've experienced meeting men in bars, online, and through social gatherings.  While bars aren't always the best, they're not the worst either.  You can meet jerks anywhere :)  I've never been set up on a blind date so I can't speak to that.  It is also true, so I've heard, that you will meet someone when you are at your worst, either in a bad mood, or doing an errand in old, sloppy clothes.  I can't speak to that either because it's never happened to me. 

      So, in the past 23 years since my hubby died, I've dated and had a few semi-serious relationships, all of which, with the exception of one, turned out to be a waste of time.  That said, I am not jaded yet, just a bit cynical :)

      Oh, and fair warning, Christoph is one hot property!  Not only is he funny, he is, in my opinion, one of the last charmers on earth.  Extremely sociable, thoughtful and just totally engaging :)

      Nice hub, and welcome to HubPages!

    • Shady Lady profile image
      Author

      Shady Lady 8 years ago from here and there

      trish, I have been warned about Christoph by another hubber, as well. He certainly is a charmer! Thank you for commenting!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

      Dang. I was just looking for something of yours to read and caught up on the comments. I'm...something. Nice way to start the day.

    • Shady Lady profile image
      Author

      Shady Lady 8 years ago from here and there

      Sad to say, I haven't had much time to write recently. I am visiting family, and I don't really get a chance to get on the computer.

    • AmbassadorOfTruth profile image

      AmbassadorOfTruth 8 years ago from Portland Oregon

      I think when we label people with words like "jerk" it doesn't leave them any room to improve. Once a jerk always a jerk.

      If a man hears this enough, he will start becoming that. It doesn't take us humans long to become what others make us believe we are.

      I have been called a jerk and a liar and often it is simply because i wouldn't give a selfish girl what she wanted.

      Girls can be very materialistic. Especially the beautiful one's, cuz they know they can get free stuff (drinks,meals,clothes,housing) fron gullible guys. Not all girls are though. So I won't label them all goldiggers.

      I write poetry and it is free for me to do. I open doors, I give up my seat on the bus, I lend a jacket, smile back, ask for a dance instead of just sneaking in, find little trinkets around that remind me of her or keep little things that will remind me of a date. All these things are free.

      What I am trying to say is that we need more compassion in our relationships.

      Judge others the way you wish to be judged.

    • Shady Lady profile image
      Author

      Shady Lady 8 years ago from here and there

      AOT, I am not talking about guys who have been called jerks on a few random occasions. I am talking about all out, full-fledged jerks, the type of guy who is only interested in one thing, who only thinks about himself, the type of guy who will use a cheesy line to get your attention, is only concerned with adding another notch to his bedpost. I am talking about the real jerks, the pathalogical liars, the cheaters, the a**holes of this world.

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