- Gender and Relationships
A Guide on Meeting Men
Iliza Shlesinger on Dating
Your friends tell you that you need to meet a man. You need to get out. You need to date. You need to find someone special. And on and on and on... You secretly hate your friends. Admit it. I don't blame you. Dating is tiring, depressing, frustrating and a pain in the you-know-what!
There are so many reasons not to date. You don't have enough time. You never meet anyone you like. You like having your own space. Men are jerks. All of these reasons are valid, but they are also complete and total crap.
There is never enough time in the day to do everything we want or need to do. But that doesn't mean you cut out the chance of having a love life just so you can squeeze in yoga. Yoga may bring you inner peace, but it isn't going to make you breakfast in bed! If yoga could do that, I would dump my boyfriend and take up a class! A first date, especially another blind date your friend has tricked you into, can be as simple as meeting for coffee and chatting for an hour.
You never meet anyone you like? Maybe you are looking in the wrong place. Bars are terrible places to meet men! Do I need to say it again for extra emphasis? Bars are terrible places to meet men!! And all those blind dates your friends are setting you up on aren't helping things, either! Your friends mean well, so even though you hate them, they think they are helping you. If there is an activity or group you are involved with, try meeting men there. Obviously, you already have something in common with them!
I like having my own space, too. Being in a relationship, or even dating, does not mean that you are surgically attached to someone. You don't have to move in with the person, or get married, or anything drastic like that. It's just dating! You will still have your own space. And, if at some point, it does progress to marriage or living together, fine, but set aside a place that is completely your own.
As far as men being jerks...well, there isn't a lot I can say there. A lot of men are jerks, but again, maybe that has something to do with where you are meeting these men. I love men, but I have met my fair share of jerks. There are good men out there, but they tend to not stick out as much as the jerks do.
Jennifer Aniston on Dating and her new movie: "He's Just Not That Into You"
Where Are All The Good Men?
While that may be a question that inspires some interesting debate and a joke or two, it's a valid question. There is a reason for the saying that all the good men are either married or gay. Though not all married men are good men. It's like those silly IQ questions. If all blips are quarks, and some flips are bops, are all bops quarks? But, anyway, where was I??
Where are all the good men? It seems that the days of romantic, chivalrous men have faded into the past like an old photograph. I can't remember the last time a man opened my car door for me, or offered his chair to me when there were no places to sit. Is this a sign of the decline of good men, or a side affect of the feminist movement? I don't really know.
I do know that there are good men out there. I have met many. I will not be giving out their phone numbers. I may need them one day. I can tell you that it's all in where you look, and how you look at things. He may not be a muscular, knight in shining armor on a white horse. He may be that friend who is always there to listen, who knows your thoughts before you think them, that guy who looks at you from across the office, always has a smile and always wants to know how you are doing. The good guys tend to fly under the radar. They tend to have a lot of female friends, but they are usually just that, friends.
A friend once told me that a supermarket is a great place to meet a man. She's right. Next time you head out to go grocery shopping, take your time and pay attention to everything around you. Do you notice a guy pretending to pick through the tomatoes, glancing at you every so often? Smile! Look friendly and approachable. Then, casually carry on with your shopping, but don't stray to far. Just head to the next produce bin, and shop, or pretend to. Glance over to see if he is looking. Again, don't forget to smile!
He should get the hint by now. Give him the chance to come up to you. Or keep wandering closer to where he is shopping. If you are close enough to be in speaking distance, say hi. Even if a date doesn't come out of an exchange like this, it can be fun, a confidence boost, and it's great practice.
Like I said before, involve yourself in activities or groups you enjoy. Those are great places to meet men who have similar interests. And, it gives you a built-in conversation starter. You just casually ask his opinion about something, or ask him what he thought of this, that, or the other. It's a great way to get communication going, and it provides for minimal rejection.