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Shall I Stay, or Shall I Go!

Updated on June 26, 2010

Boundaries

As an Angel Card Reader and Life Guidance Counsellor, I am asked this question an awful lot. We cannot tell someone what to do with their life as we all have free will. I also feel it is right that a person takes full responsibility for their own actions. We can only really explore the options and give our view of what is happening in a relationship. As a professional Reader or a Counsellor, it would be morally wrong to impose our own will on others. If someone asks "what can you see?" as a psychic I tell them but as a Counsellor I would strongly advise that their own judgement far exceeds any insight I may have. This basically goes along with the theory that we hold our own answers within us. We are all capable of accessing our "Higher Self" or wise man or woman. Listen to the voice of reason, the voice of conscience or your link to your guardian angel. Call it what you wil but we all have access to a far greater and more enlightened part of us.

Certainly what is right for one person is not right for another. It may be right for someone to leave a marriage after twenty years. It might be right for a person to rent a separate house and decide to move into greater independence and spiritual freedom. On the other-hand, it may also be right for a different person to hang on in there, to fulfil their soul contract and work through various lessons. It could be that things are very sticky at the moment because the children are young and they take a lot of your attention and your partner is always at work because he is struggling to make a good career which ultimately will benefit the family and bring happiness.

Does it come down to love?

Yes, I think that if you love someone you are more likely to stick with it.

However, you may still love someone but decide to leave them because the situation feels impossible. You may just feel worn down with so much trying and not getting anywhere.

It takes two people putting energy into a relationship for it to improve. If it remains not balanced then one of the parties is very likely to give up through sheer exhaustion and continually trying to get the other person to listen.

Another thing worth looking at is Expectations

What did we expect from the relationship?

Did we enter the relationship knowing in our heart that it was going to be a casual affair or fling?

Did we agree that we were happy with that at the time.

Are we not being entirely honest with our feelings? What we are looking for in our life?

If we want a long lasting relationship and to settle down with someone, are we afraid to say?

How important is honesty and integrity in your life?

How much does it matter to you if you, to have to share your man/woman with somebody else?

Are You A Drifter or Do You Have Boundaries?

So you started this love affair knowing he was married but you hoped that he would ultimately love you more than her. If you keep loving him and having a sexual relationship which is better than what he/she says they have already, then surely he/she will leave to be with you? However, you are now feeling hurt and angry because he/she keeps saying they intend to tell their husband/wife in the next couple of months but never seem to get round to it.After three to four months of continually letting you down, they decide that you are getting to serious and say it is all over!

You are even more upset and angry now. You say it is his fault because he or she is a (all the names under the sun), they let you down and you feel hurt and rejected. You know that they did love you more than their partner and they are lying to them self! You want to know when they are going to come back!

Think back a bit here - What was said when you first embarked on this love affair?

Did you really think it would lead anywhere at the time?

Did you think that his/her existing relationship was different to what it actually was and did you ask questions. Do you love him/her? What are your intentions towards me?

Did you build the person up to be someone he/she was not and see life through rose tinted glasses.

Did all your friends at the time say to you, what are you doing?

Had you envisaged walking off into the sunset together without a thought for his/her children?

Stay In Your Own Power and think "lets keep it real!"

I have written down what I am looking for in relationships in my journal and I now feel more secure within myself.

I have made a positive affirmation based on my true value and strong sense of self worth.

I know that I deserve far more than being second best to anyone else.

I deserve love and respect and sharing doesn't come into the equation.

I am independent, strong and reliable and I know that I will attract someone who is also reliable.

He is on his way, so I really don't have to worry about it.

I no longer put myself into painful situations.

I am totally happy with who I am and love myself completely.

Good relationships built on honesty and integrity are important to me.

I am honest with me and who I am.

Do you think people still work at relationships?

See results

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      Pieter Bos 

      7 years ago

      Your affirmations about loving yourself are so true. The kind of relationships you describe above can only be caused by a lack of self love and self respect. Integrity in relationships can only exist as long as we fully respect ourselves and don't compromise to that.

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