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Is Height Still a Big Deal in the Dating World?

Updated on November 25, 2015
Scientists say that tall women are the biggest threat to humanity. Watch out!
Scientists say that tall women are the biggest threat to humanity. Watch out! | Source

I'm 5'7'' and I'm aware that most people perceive me as "tall". In fact, I enjoy it. Being a tall leggy blond kind of worked out for me, although when I was younger, I felt a bit awkward about it, hence the slouching habit. But I never really considered my height a disadvantage, until now.

My husband and I were at a friend's party when someone commented on the fact that I was a little taller: "I'd never marry a woman taller than me. Taller women look "too alpha" next to a shorter guy." He said it proudly, standing next to his petite wife who was smiling in agreement. Looking back, sure - it was a stupid insensitive remark from a narrow-minded moron, but it made me think.

Are taller women considered less feminine and more "manly" perhaps? Is there a tall woman bias? Is it bad to date a woman taller than you?


To be clear, I have no prejudice the other way around. I've dated shorter guys. I've dater older guys. I've dated weird guys. I've dated snarky cerebral assholes - I'm pretty democratic in my dating approach (which is not the same as being indiscriminate). I've even dated a Republican. Once. By accident. Kidding, lighten up. I've never dated a Republican!

The point is, we can all be swayed by a pretty face and a good body, but a person's physical characteristics should be secondary to who they are and how they make you feel. Personally, I just dated people I was attracted to - those I found interesting, stimulating, mysterious, charming. Granted, also not the best approach - but at least it wasn't based on some stupid superficial attribute, like height.

So if you think you're too short, too fat, too hairy or too bald: know that the right person won't care about your height or weight or what you look like, because she'll be fascinated with your mind, your spark, your kindness, your sense of humor - everything that makes you YOU. And hopefully, you'll recognize that person when she/he comes around, instead of chasing the ones who look down on you - figuratively or literally.

Real ladies are frail and demure. If that's what you believe, go back to 1800s.
Real ladies are frail and demure. If that's what you believe, go back to 1800s. | Source

Still, I must admit that my gender is consistently prejudist against shorter guys, and short men in general.

"Like most animals, we're wired to associate height with power," so short guys...get the short end of the stick, excuse the awkward pun. What's worse, women are enforcing the notion that a guy has to be taller more than men do! Really, ladies?

I've heard women say with the same certainty as the party moron that they would NEVER date a shorter guy because they want to feel "frail" and "tiny" next to a guy, to know that he's bigger and stronger than them, so he can protect them. Similarly, guys often profess a preference for "shorties". This is infuriating to me.

Why would you want to feel small and frail? Why are women conditioned to be helpless and seek the man's strength and protection? Are we simply destined to be 'the weaker sex'?

I'm so sick of this pseudo-romantic notion of a 'damsel in distress'. You know what's romantic? A man who's not threatened by my strength, my intellect, and certainly not by my height. In exchange, I promise not to care about your height, the apparent lack of six-pack abs, or that bald spot you're trying so desperately to camouflage.


Think about it: how many short men became assholes to women because they were rejected so many times, or teased growing up? Consult your Ian Fleming, if you don't believe me:

“Bond always mistrusted short men. They grew up from childhood with an inferiority complex. All their lives they would strive to be big - bigger than the others who had teased them as a child. Napoleon had been short, and Hitler. It was the short men that caused all the trouble in the world.”

Do we really need more Hitlers in the world?

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Do You Think a Man Has to Be Taller Than a Woman?

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Conversely, how many tall women harbor insecurities about their height, or give up on relationships altogether? And how many short women are tired of being patronized and infantilized because they are seen as cute and adorable, and not much else? Being a "shorty" can be a pain in the ass, too.

Ladies (and gentlemen), remember this: height is not something a person can control. It's mean and superficial to reject someone based solely on their height. To admit it and to even boast about your height "standards" in public is callous and idiotic, and speaks volumes about your character.

So can we all just shut up and get over our height hang-ups?

I understand that everyone has their preferences, but there is a fine line between preferences and prejudices. Find it.

© 2015 Lana ZK


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    • kalinin1158 profile image

      Lana ZK 20 months ago from California

      Frank, thank you for taking the time to share your story, and your views. You've obviously well-informed on the subject. I think this is the longest comment I ever got!

      I've heard male comedians speak of the same thing - how women who in their 20s wouldn't have given them the time of day were suddenly interested as they got older and realized they were now competing with younger women, and guys who were "below" them before are now desirable dating options. I'd like to think that at least part of the reason why is because we get wiser as we get older, so superficial things like height or hair or weight become less important. However, it's probably not the reason.

      In any case, as I expressed in my article, selecting mates based on height (or age for that matter) guarantees that you'll miss out on someone great. And yes, I wish women were less fixated on the proverbial alpha male, just like I wish men who become reasonably affluent or financially secure later in life weren't excluding women their own age from their dating pool. But guys like you, embittered, it seems, after years of rejection, are determined to give women the taste of their own medicine, so the vicious circle continues...

    • profile image

      Frank Johnson 20 months ago

      This blog made me think of my early 20’s, as I was rejected by the foxes who chased after the Alfa males and showed no more interest in me than glancing at a blade of grass next to the highway traveling at 75 MPH. And this made me think about my own personal experiences with tall women, a slightly different story from this blog, but same result due to being a Beta male. One 6’ tall girl, in a gym, talked to me with such a look of disinterested she couldn’t have looked or acted more uninterested if she had wanted to. I approached another, who I estimated being 5 foot 9 or 10 inches. She got angry with me for even asking her out and stuck her finger in my face informing me she didn’t date shorter men. On line, I met a girl 5’11”, and we worked out together once in my apartment complex gym, after that she did not return my two phone calls, there could be others, too, I just don’t remember them all. Now, you may say the rejections were because of my looks, that could be true, but as I approached girls closer to my height, my success rate went way up.

      This blog also made me think about the rejections by tall girls, and it angered me, but not at the time the rejection. Only years later, when I actually tallied them up, did I get angry. I was rejected not because I was fat, bald, ugly, deformed or had a rotten personality. No. The reason I was rejected by all of these women was my height. Not a one even bothered to put forth the effort to get to know me much less date me.

      I did date three women who were significantly taller than me, two at 5’11” and one at 5’10”. (I am 5’8”) And all three happened to be 32 years of age, which is more than a coincidence and a tie in with this blog. No doubt all three wanted a tall Alfa male, and lost, so a safe stable Beta male was the next best thing in their 30’s, for I certainly didn’t grow any taller and I doubt I got better looking. These women were past their prime and worried. I was in my late 30’s, at this time of my life, after being married for 10 years. It was also at this time, I could easily date younger women, and I did. When I was 38, my first girlfriend was 27, the next was 27 and the next was 24 who became my second wife. I never dated with any intent of marrying a woman my age. Younger women had no issue with me dating them, and I certainly had no issue dating them. I remember going to singles events and seeing very pretty women, who were my age, who I know 15 years earlier would not have given me the time of day. And even now, they may have looked better than myself, but now it was me who had no interest in approaching them. I did not want to take time and money away from pursuing younger women. Why go old, when I could go young? I was amazed how the dating game changed in my favor. And I used it to my advantage, just as women had done years earlier.

      I am now married and have 4 sons. I have 3 degrees, and I have co-authored 2 US patents. I could have provided a good life to any girl. I wanted a taller girl because of the physical turn on and to for fill one of my desires, yet not one single tall girl (in her 20’s) gave me a chance. I was turned down consistently and without a second thought. (Maybe due to the Alfa male fascination) So, if you find yourself in your late 20’s or early 30’s with no prospect of a husband or children in the immediate future, you have no one to blame but yourself. There were men like me, who wanted a leggy female, but they, like me, were never accorded the opportunity. (This also applies to average height women, too) And the reality is that the vast majority of tall women will not even consider a shorter man (and Beta males) until it is too late. You would think it would be obvious that if you included shorter males (and Beta males) in your suitor selection, your odds would increase of finding a mate. There are a lot more short and medium height males than there are taller ones. So my advice would be to accept the advances of all men and get to know them. I, who would have relished the opportunity of having curvy broad hips and a tapered waist to hold all night and to make love to into the early hours of the morning, was never, not once, even given a chance to start a relationship. Throw away the yardstick, for you may find someone like me, who would love to share his life and love with a tall girl.

      By the way, another tie in with this article and be found at this web site.

      This writer tell about his rejections in his 20’s by women only to find that women now chased after him, in spite of his height, now he is in his early 30’s. He warns of the dangers of the “Reformed Heightest Woman” who are desperate after wasting their life chasing the Alfa male and now want a stable Beta with a steady pay-check.

      Here is anther on how women who found the Mr. Average (Beta Males) were worth nothing in their 20’s and now that these women are in their 30’s can’t buy a date, even from the Beta Males

      Why women lose in the dating game

      During their 20s, women compete for the most highly desirable men, the Mr Bigs. Many will readily share a bed with the sporty, attractive, confident men, while ordinary men miss out. As Whiskey puts it at ''Joe Average Beta Male is about as desirable to women as a cold bowl of oatmeal.''

      ''I can't believe how many men my age are only interested in younger women,'' wails Gail, a 34-year-old advertising executive as she describes her first search through men's profiles on the RSVP internet dating site. She is shocked to find many mid-30s men have set up their profiles to refuse mail from women their own age.

      Talking to many women like her, it's intriguing how many look back on past relationships where they let good men get away because they weren't ready. American journalist Kate Bolick wrote recently in The Atlantic about breaking off her three-year relationship with a man she described as ''intelligent, good-looking, loyal and kind''. She acknowledged ''there was no good reason to end things'', yet, at the time, she was convinced something was missing in the relationship. That was 11 years ago. She's is now 39 and facing grim choices.

    • Happy Moment profile image

      James 2 years ago from The Eastern Bypass

      My short funny friend usually tell me that short people are good because they will look down upon you. He gives me an example of Zachaeus the short man in the Bible. Height for me doesn't matter. It is what is within the skull matters.

    • kalinin1158 profile image

      Lana ZK 2 years ago from California

      Thank you thank you Mel, you lucky 6-feet tall son of a gun! So you ARE the gentle giant I always suspected you to be :)) Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing!!

    • Mel Carriere profile image

      Mel Carriere 2 years ago from San Diego California

      I thoroughly enjoyed your beautifully written rant. I am 6 foot 3, so if I ever dated a woman taller than me she must have been the queen of the Amazons. If that's another stereotypical female height reference I apologize. My wife hovers around 5 feet, so I must be one of those domineering brutes who like them short, cute and cuddly. Seriously though, I'm such a softie my wife can push me over with her little finger. Great hub!

    • kalinin1158 profile image

      Lana ZK 2 years ago from California

      The stilettos are evil, created by some evil men in some secret underground laboratory :-) They're painful to wear, and there is something circus-y about them.

      I'm glad to know that there are men like you Marty, who are not intimidated by tall women, or by powerful women for that matter. My concern is more about the women than the men. The research shows that it's the women who care more about the height difference than the men. I think it's an outdated trend and it shouldn't be encouraged. Thank you for the comment!

    • profile image

      Marty 2 years ago

      I'm short 5'-5 and I've never had much of a problem with being short. I love women tall, short, plump & skinny. I've never been intimated by other's height. I grew up as the shortest among my male friends, but was never teased or bullied because of my height. As far as dating, I've been married too long to remember dating, but I did and still have many tall women friends. In this time of serious gender bending, LGBT prominence, I don't think height is a big concern in relationships. I grew up around powerful women and enjoyed their company. As I distantly recall I never dated any needy helpless women. They all stood on their own very well without male assistance. I do have some prejudice against 5-7" heels. I hate to see a 5' tall woman eating soup off my head while wearing stilettos.

    • kalinin1158 profile image

      Lana ZK 2 years ago from California

      Thank you Larry! In our day and age it really shouldn't matter.

    • Larry Rankin profile image

      Larry Rankin 2 years ago from Oklahoma

      Great hub! I know height matters to some folks, but it shouldn't.

    • kalinin1158 profile image

      Lana ZK 2 years ago from California

      And I openly admit that my gender has more height hang-ups than men do. It's a bloody shame. But since this article started with a comment made to me by a man, I'm addressing the men, as well as the women.

      Clearly the men and the women can learn a lot from you and your wife! When I wear heels, I'm also considerably taller than my husband, but who cares, besides people with huge insecurities? Thanks for the comment!


    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      Actually if a guy considers a woman to be "hot" he doesn't care how tall she is. In fact I've seen a lot of articles on women who prefer not to date women who are shorter than them!

      Some women are just as picky about men's height as men are about women's weight. LOL!

      I'm 5'11 and my wife who use to model long ago is 6ft. You add some 3" heels to her and we're not even close in height! ha ha

    • kalinin1158 profile image

      Lana ZK 2 years ago from California

      Lol Bill that's what I'm talking about :) It's more fun this way.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I was so busy laughing at the Republican joke that I missed the rest of the article. :) I guess this does matter to some people. Me? I was just happy that any woman would date me. :)