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Smart Choice: Online Dating Personal Security

Updated on October 23, 2015

Charlotte's Online Choice

Love is in the air and hearts are ready for that someone special. In the evenings and on weekends many lovers are seen walking hand-in-hand.

Couples are seen on city sidewalks, down country roads, shopping, sports events, at the beaches, anywhere two hearts can meet.

It seemed everywhere around her were couples, but Charlotte was alone. What can she do? Charlotte's choice for her future was still her choice. However, it would be wise of her to choose online dating sites to begin her dating journey.

A man and a woman on a date sharing a meal together.
A man and a woman on a date sharing a meal together.

Charlotte was Lonely

I am only 26 years old she thought, and I am not acting like an elderly person, I am just being cautious about loving. But who am I kidding I am lonesome.

Everywhere I look there are couples walking, dining and holding hands all over the city, on TV and small towns in America.

Bees do it, birds do it---find a mate that is---and I am still looking---maybe in the wrong places and in the wrong way. Charlotte still had not made her online dating choice.

The Bar Scene

The bar scene is old hat, and the same guys seem to be hanging in there like recycled plastic bottles. Eyeballing every female who enters the bar, using the same old worn out pickup lines. Leaning against the bar, wearing the same silly grins, from too much drinking, while waiting for their Cinderella.

The Grocery Store Episode

Someone told Charlotte that she could meet available men in grocery stores. This experiment proved a bad experience. It was like looking for an olive in a pickle barrel. Charlotte went shopping at a big store near her apartment, it was an older establishment. And, much to Charlotte's dismay most of the people who shopped there were elderly men.

Men who wore their pants pulled up under their arm pits, married men, men in walkers, scary looking ones, some who needed a bath, and some who appeared homeless. Charlotte marked that store off her list.

Coffee Shops

Next were Coffee Shops, a place where anyone could sit at their leisure while drinking their coffee and using their laptop, as long as they liked. Charlotte went to the shop nearest her apartment, and she didn't find any tables or chairs they were gone as well as the Internet service.

There was not a laptop in site. All the furniture had been replaced with a bar. Yes, replaced with a coffee bar with bar stools where you either used a stool or stood while you drank your coffee. Very few customers were drinking coffee today. So, number two was marked off her list.


Some of Charlotte's co-workers had applied to free online dating services, and some were already dating, and some were not. It was always the big topic of conversation in the office lunchroom, with each sharing their dating experiences. Charlotte felt omitted from the loop.

How excited the ladies were to rush home after working to their emails in their own secretive abode. Charlotte had no surprises waiting for her after working all day. How could she change her feeling of same old, same old to the excitement the others were feeling?

Charlotte's Choice

Charlotte decided to get out of her safety zone, so she bravely made a choice. She joined dating services online. Charlotte filled out applications and paid the six months fee. It was cheaper to do it this way, she thought because being a very persnickety person, she would need the time.

Charlotte felt it would take her at least that long to find someone to her liking. She was meticulous and answered all the questions truthfully with emphasizing the values she wanted in someone she met and spent time getting to know.

A couple having a fun date playing round the water.
A couple having a fun date playing round the water.

Charlotte's Persistence

After waves of titillating emotion the dust of anticipation settled down. Life became a routine. It settled into a daily check of her emails, and profiles to view.

This was an exciting time for her. However, the first week of profile viewing---Charlotte was disappointed. None of the profiles matched the man branded on her heart.

Charlotte was persistent about her values and the type of man who could make her happy. She rushed home each afternoon to check her emails.

Tom Selleck: a handsome man who is appreciated by his fans.
Tom Selleck: a handsome man who is appreciated by his fans.

Persistence Wins

Charlotte could not speak, and it seemed forever, until she was breathing again, she blinked a couple of times to be sure if the face staring back at her was real.

Yes, it was true,---in the profile was a man who looked like Tom Selleck. This hunk of a man was seated in a red Audi convertible, now Charlotte thought, am I dreaming.

She thought about how persistent she had been in waiting for the right man, and just maybe she had found one.

Cloud Nine

Charlotte was on cloud nine, that someone interesting looking had fallen into her email. So, next she needed to compose a return email to send. What ever do I say to a stranger, she thought?

A Good Friend

So, what do most females do when unsure---they call a good friend Now, the friend that Charlotte called asked this one question. "What was the result of his background screening?" There was a long silence, she replied to her friend that she didn't know the results.

Practice Due Diligence

Charlotte's friend was infuriated, and after she criticized her for her gross lack of common sense, she advised her to call the service and find out about his background screening.

Her friend was adamant that Charlotte call the service before meeting anyone. This was how women are murdered by not doing their due diligence, then jumping before thinking.

A Disappointed Charlotte

Charlotte made a face, but called the dating service, anyway. She was told--No, we do not do background screenings on anyone. However, if any members want to do a background screening it will be on their own.

She asked for a refund of her money, as she did not want to be associated with any dating service that did not screen their members in order to protect them. Charlotte was disappointed, but thankful for her friend's protective advice.

One Good Lesson

She was totally flustered, and now she was not sure the profile of the handsome man was real. What a nightmare all this has turned out to be. One good lesson from all of this, I know I can count on my good friends to have my back.

Research and Ask Questions

This story is to inform and I sincerely hope to make people aware of the dangers out there in dealing with strangers. In my research as of August 2013 there are many popular services and most do not perform criminal background screenings.

I would advise everyone to search for the services that do background screenings or have your own background screening done by a professional before you consider meeting this person.

Read all the information on every site you are researching and ask the question: What security do you provide for your members? Do you perform criminal background screening on all members?

It does not matter how popular a site is or how many of your friends are happy using it---you must do your due diligence in staying safe. One date is not worth a life---be cautious and stay alive.

It is important to protect one's self and do your meticulous research. Check any dating service out before putting your very life in jeopardy. If I have not clearly stated it, this information is for men as well.

My Personal Note

I feel any company that is socially networking people to meet, should require a photo ID, such as a Driver's License, and do a professional background screening. If they do not I recommend thinking about your security and safety before registering with a site.

Sites to Search: Online Dating Tips for Men and Women

A Dating Service that does criminal background screening is This site tells one right away that background screening is done.

New Dating Site are popping up all over the Internet---so do your research and find the best site for you. Research and ask questions.

Check your state to see if it has the Internet Dating Safety Act. If not call your governor and ask why not. It is important for all citizens to be safe on the Internet before joining a dating service.

PurvisBobbi44 is the sole author of this article and if copied anywhere else on the Internet or printed in magazines or books it was taken without written consent and is strictly prohibited.

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© 2011 PurvisBobbi44


Submit a Comment

  • PurvisBobbi44 profile imageAUTHOR


    5 years ago from Florida


    Thanks for your visit and comment. And, I would always check out a stranger before going on a date with anyone. You made a very valid point.

    Bobbi Purvis

  • profile image


    5 years ago

    You're right, online dating is dangerous. The people that you meet online may not be exactly who they say they are so therefore, a full background check is necessary regardless of cost. It doesn't necessarily have to be online, I would run a background check on any guy even if I met him at a bookstore. It's better to be safe than sorry. thanks for sharing.

  • PurvisBobbi44 profile imageAUTHOR


    5 years ago from Florida

    Hi Ruchira,

    It really scares me how some women my friends have told me about are so unconcerned about online dating security.

    Thanks for your visit and comment. Have a great week.

    Bobbi Purvis

  • Ruchira profile image


    5 years ago from United States

    dating is a very cautious topic and people ought to be very careful with it esp with online dating.

    Your hub was extensive and well written :) sharing it across!

  • PurvisBobbi44 profile imageAUTHOR


    6 years ago from Florida

    Yes, at the time I did my research--I was surprised, and also surprised that members of these dating services, were not even worried about it---- evidently.

    Think of all the crime in the world---it pays to be extra careful.

    Thank you for stopping by and reading my hub.


  • alocsin profile image


    6 years ago from Orange County, CA

    Background screening is a good way to eliminate many of the dangers of dating services. And I'm surprised those big services you mentioned did not do it. Voting this Up and Useful.

  • PurvisBobbi44 profile imageAUTHOR


    7 years ago from Florida

    Yes, and I worry about all the young, and young-at-heart women dating today. One can never be too careful.

    Thank you for taking the time to read my hub.

    Have a Great Week,


  • Darknlovely3436 profile image


    7 years ago from NewYork

    great many things goes wrong with dating now-a days.

  • PurvisBobbi44 profile imageAUTHOR


    7 years ago from Florida


    Thank you for reading my Hub, it was so nice of you to take the time, as I know everyone is busy writing their own. I feel very strongly about background checks/screening as I did this for 18 years on all my workers. And you will be surprised at the results you get back. One of my clients had the FBI to test their employees after I gave my report of each one. The FBI finds things that are not available to all Security Companies. So, it shows one that each of us should not just accept the background screening of just one agency. I used four to get the best results.

    Thanks again, and like you I love animals.

    Have a Great Week,


  • mslizzee profile image


    7 years ago from Buncombe County, NC

    I imagine there are many, many stories of horrible things that can go wrong. Fortunately for me, I no longer date. I just have my cats. That's enough and very safe.


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