How to Know if a Relationship is Worth it
We often stay in relationships that are way past their expiration date for many reasons. Life is hectic and busy and sometimes people get way too comfortable in their relationships even if they aren't truly happy. Taking the time to sit down and really think about our relationships can mean discovering if we are really happy, unhappy, content, or just settling. By asking yourself the following questions you can figure out whether the relationship you're in is truly right for you or that it might just be time to leave.
When you think about your life five years from now is your partner there? This is an important question to ask yourself about your relationship. If we are truly in love and happy then we imagine our partners with us forever, and definitely five years from now. If we don't see our partners in our futures, then maybe they shouldn't be in our present either. You might have just hit the expiration date on your relationship if you don't see it moving forward and you don't see your future with your partner.
Are you still in love? I know that love changes once a couple has been in a relationship for awhile. Maybe it isn't as passionate or all-consuming, but it should still exist. There is a big difference between being in love with someone and just simply loving someone as a person. It's okay to fall out of love and end a relationship if that is what's best for you and your partner. If you can imagine your life without your partner and you are fine with it, that means you aren't in love and should probably reconsider your relationship.
Is your relationship too much work? I think every relationship requires some work and effort to make it function right. It becomes a problem when the relationship is like a second full-time job for you. If you are working so hard for your relationship, you might want to consider why it is so much work. Many times we work hard for something by believing that this hard work will solve all our issues when in reality, it might just mean that the relationship isn't meant for you. When a relationship is right for you, you don't have to force it and make it work because it just does. Remember that a relationship is about more then just about having to make it work but about wanting to make it work.
How much compromise is in the relationship? I believe there should be equal compromise in every relationship. One person shouldn't have to give up everything that is important to them just so the other person is happy. There should be an agreement about how to make it work so that both people can be happy and don't feel like they're giving up their lives for each other. If one person is making all the sacrifices and the other isn't this will just lead to resentment in the long run. Both partners in the relationship should compromise on what they can and cannot give up and take it from there.There needs to be equality and fairness for both people involved.
Is there cheating in your relationship? This is a tough question to answer and face for most people who have had to deal with infidelity in their relationships but it needs to be. The circumstances surrounding the cheating in your relationship have to be considered before anything else happens. For example, if your partner got drunk once and cheated on you it is a different story then if they get drunk every weekend and cheat on you. When cheating occurs, it is usually part of a much bigger issue. Cheating happens when something in the relationship is not working. A husband or wife who is satisfied with their marriage doesn't just get drunk and cheat on their spouse. At the same time, a happy husband could cheat if he is at a bachelor party for his best friend and gets drunk and doesn't remember what happened to him and with who. You have to consider the circumstances around the cheating and decide whether you want to stay and figure things out with your partner or move on. One thing to remember is to never stay with a chronic cheater. If he or she keeps cheating and keeps apologizing for it, it's time to move on. Don't put up with that kind of behavior because it shows that your partner doesn't respect you or your relationship.
Are you really committed to each other? This doesn't have to mean you're married, it could just mean that you're in a relationship and totally, one hundred percent, trust each other. You aren't worried that the other person will cheat on you when they have a late night with friends or forget to call. You know that you can trust your partner no matter what and they always have your best interests at heart. True commitment means that whatever happens, your partner will always have your back and you're going to do the same for them.
Is your partner the one? If you have to really question whether they are the one or not, they probably aren't. When you meet the one for you, you don't really question it, you just know. You feel it with every fiber of your being. You don't imagine yourself with someone else and you definitely stop looking to date other people. You can't imagine yourself with anyone but this person for the rest of your life. You definitely aren't thinking about your high school sweetheart and what could have been. You are in the moment completely because you have found the one and your search is over. Now, if you are having second thoughts or thinking there is someone better out there for you, you haven't found the one and you need to end the relationship and continue your search until you do.
Are you happy or just content? Don't confuse true happiness for contentment. You deserve to be really happy in your relationship and if you aren't you need to make changes so that you are. You know what love is supposed to feel like, but if this isn't it and you know it never will be, you should cut your losses and leave. It's not fair to waste someone's time if you know you aren't truly happy with them or just waiting for someone better to come along. Remember that your partner deserves to be truly happy and they won't be if the person they are with isn't in love with them for real. Life's too short to just be content in a relationship. There are people out there who will make you truly happy, you just haven't found them yet. You need to keep searching and never settle for just being content. You deserve so much more.
Do you have similar life goals with your partner? You and your partner should have similar goals and outlooks on life. There's no way you can have a future together if you want totally different things. You shouldn't let a relationship get very far before knowing exactly what you each want from it. If he doesn't plan to get married until he's 40 and he's 25 now and you want to get married next year, you have a big problem on your hands. If he wants four children and you don't want children at all, that's a problem too. You're not compatible and you know it. Don't try to force it and make the relationship work anyway or hope that he changes his mind. Remember there are people out there who are compatible and who do want the same things you do. Don't waste time with the wrong person when you could be enjoying that time with the right one.
Are you trying to change your partner? I don't think we should ever try to change our partners. Why are you with them if you don't like them just the way they are? If you want them to be someone better then you need to find someone better. I'm not saying you shouldn't help them improve themselves, because you should, but only if they ask you to and want your help. This is a big issue that causes a lot of conflict in many relationships. If you don't like someone the way they are then you shouldn't be with them. Trying to change them will only cause more conflict and pain. I think when we really meet someone right for us, we don't even think about changing them because we like them just the way they are. If you're trying to change someone then you probably aren't right for each other.
Are you in an abusive relationship? It's still an abusive relationship even if it only happened once. It still happened and it will happen again. Never get in an abusive relationship and definitely don't stay if you already are in one. If you are just starting to date someone and they hit you or abuse you emotionally, you need to get out. Don't try to justify that it only happened once or that it's because they were drunk. Do you really want to be in an abusive relationship with someone who hits you when they're drunk? No, you deserve better. Realize that you don't need to hold on to a relationship where you are put in physical or emotional harm. There are good people out there who will treat you right and never abuse you in such a way. Find these good people and stay away from the abusers.
Does your partner respect you? This is a yes or no question. If you have to think about it, he or she probably doesn't respect you. Respect comes in many forms such as taking your needs into consideration and being there for you. Calling you names like fat or ugly is not respecting you. Doing things that cause you to worry like driving drunk or embarrassing you in public is not respecting you. Don't put up with someone who doesn't respect you.
Do you know how to let go? Don't stay in a relationship just because you're afraid of being alone. I would rather be happy alone then miserable with someone else. Letting go is hard but it's also liberating. If you keep staying with the wrong person, you'll never give the right person a chance to come into your life, and you deserve the right person. Letting go is one of the hardest things you will ever do, but it is also one of the best. Remember that we really only let go of things that aren't meant for us. We let go of the bad and the painful. We don't let go of happiness and joy. If you have chosen to let go, that means you aren't happy and are letting go of that unhappiness. Give yourself a chance by letting go of what doesn't make you happy and you won't regret it. Letting go is hard, but staying miserable is even harder.
What does your intuition tell you? When you really take a moment to yourself and think things through, deep down you already know the truth. You know if the person you're with is right for you or you're just staying in the relationship because it's comfortable. As you get older, this feeling should only get stronger. I believe we have answers within ourselves for most situations if we only take the time and listen to ourselves a little better. It's worth it, trust me. From personal experience, I know if a relationship is right or not if I just listen to myself. When I was younger and chose not to listen to myself I really regretted it later because I knew if I had just taken the time I would have been much better off. Remember that no one knows you better then you, and if your intuition is telling you to get out of a relationship you need to listen and go.
© 2015 GreenEyes1607