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How Do I Decide If He's The One For Me?
If you're peeking out from beneath the soft and cuddly covers wondering if he's the best guy for you, you're not alone. Things may seem like they're perfect from afar, but when you look closer you wonder. What's going on when you're alone with him? You know you're the only people there. Nobody's looking. Nobody can see what's actually going on. You're the only one that can make sense of the situation.
First of all, how is the sex? Is he giving and caring? Is he concerned about your fun? Or, is he a selfish lover? It could be that you jump up and get dressed right away even though you really don't have to be anywhere. You might feel empty and alone. Does he even tell you that he cares? These are things that are oh so important. It really isn't about how he seems at the family wedding. It's about how he is on an intimate level. Does he make you want to run back to him every chance you get? Or, do you sit around wondering about something that's wrong with him? Do you wonder if you can change something about him? Do you think the problems you're having are all your fault?
Think about how you feel at the end of the day when you're going to be seeing him. When you take the time to plan a dinner and a massage by the fire you know you're caring for him. This type of behavior has to make you think. It seems you wouldn't be concerned whether he is hungry or tense is you weren't starting to fall for him in some way. Even though you may be doing these things and your relationship might look okay at that point, it still doesn't answer the question as to whether or not he's got what you need.
Dating is about trying out different situations with different people. It's about what you're feeling while you're out there. Joking and laughing are great signs that things are going well. This is most important when facing difficult times.You do have to know that things will come up, but what happens next will be your window into this person. If getting cut off in traffic causes tension and all kinds of outbursts from him you might be on guard for similar behaviors at any point . Every minute you're with him is an opportunity to collect information.
It's not that you have to actually take notes on him, you just have to remember. Don't discount anything. Something might be up if you're going from one extreme to another all of the time. Things should feel normal for you, and balanced to some extent. If they don't it's time to take some sort of action.
One might think it's time to give up and take flight. That's one answer, but maybe you should take a minute to delve into your true feelings about him first. Carl Jung, the Swiss psychiatrist who wrote about making decisions says, that when you consider a choice fully it will make you think about the opposite of that choice. The key here is to be okay with a choice for some time, then you can examine another possibility for yourself while you are calm and you have a better perspective.
So go ahead and choose to be with the guy you've been seeing. Once you settle for him and you wonder if this is all there is, you won't be able to help thinking about the guy who got away. Jung says it's this ability to relax with one decision first, that's most important. Only then can you entertain the thought of something else.