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Changing yourself to appeal to the opposite sex; Good idea or bad?

Updated on August 16, 2012


OPINION| I read an article not too long ago about how to appeal and be more desirable to a woman if you are a man. It was an interesting article from a woman's point of view. I will admit that many of the things mentioned made a lot of sense. However, I had a few disagreements with some of the points made in the article. Since reading this article, I've been thinking a lot about how people attempt to change themselves in order to appeal to a wider group of people. Is this a good idea? The following are strictly my own opinions, so there is no right or wrong. Please continue reading.

Society and the physical.

In today's world the majority of attractiveness is based on the physical. I guess that's how it should be in a way, since the physical is the first thing we see in the opposite sex. That is unless you meet someone via Internet. At any rate, a person who has a nice body and keeps in shape is considered more desirable to most. This applies to both men and women. There is nothing wrong with this way of thinking, but this way of thinking has lead to many people being emotionally hurt. Many people these days don't spend enough time getting to know a person behind what they can see with their own two eyes. Because of this, people have fallen victim to people who live double lives and cheat constantly. It's no doubt that the majority of us desire someone physically attractive, but we should also take the time to study and know who we are getting involved with. Remember that no one looks the same forever, looks change.

Should we change ourselves for others?

Now back to the subject at hand; should a person change themselves in order to appeal to the opposite sex? Well I personally believe there are different degrees of change to consider. For example, if a man is having problems in his life like falling on hard times, then changing that aspect of his life would be good for appealing to women. However, that's something that he not only should do to attract women, but he should do it for himself mainly. I believe that society has given people in general the wrong idea about love, relationships, and finding someone to spend the rest of your life with. Society has given people the impression that if you do what is socially accepted, you have a better chance of attracting people. Even if what is socially accepted isn't who you really are. That's bad advice in my opinion, and we as a people need to do the opposite.

Be yourself.

I personally feel that we should be ourselves no matter the situation. Don't change yourself to cater to a woman you may like. Same thing goes for women who may be interested in a guy. Whatever hobbies you like or things you like to participate in, do that. If you are satisfied with how you look whether or not it's socially appealing or accepted, continue to look that way. If you want to change anything about yourself, make sure you are doing it for YOURSELF, and not others. Life is always better when you can be who you truly are. There are many different people in this world, and there is always going to be someone out there who will like you regardless. If you are a guy who has long hair and like it, don't cut it to attract women. If you enjoy playing video games and people consider you a "nerd", continue doing it. Who knows, there may be someone of the opposite sex who likes video games as much as you.The same thing applies to women also. Be who you are. Real people recognize real people, and guys like a woman who is real and true to herself. I know that I do.


I won't deny that change can definitely be a good thing when it comes to life and relationships. Change is one of those things is inevitable in life. Change is a natural progression into our lives. While I do agree with some of the points in the article I mentioned earlier, it's important for to us to be true to who we are. A person has to love and be comfortable within themselves before you can truly love someone else. Thanks for reading.


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      love doctor 5 years ago

      Excellent... this article speaks volumes.. A lot of men try to change a woman once they're in a relationship. It starts with little things such as you should keep your hair color natural, you look good without makeup sort of thing. Look the part, but be yourself and don't ever settle for anything less than what you deserve.

    • alisha4u profile image

      alisha4u 5 years ago from New Delhi, India

      Very true prospectboy !! I Vote it UP !!

    • ImKarn23 profile image

      Karen Silverman 5 years ago

      Excellent observations, Prospectboy! I believe people should do (or not do) whatever makes them happy inside. No one should change only to please someone else - as that can never please on the long term.

      @LOVEDOCTOR: Doc - you know i love ya, and i agree that men try to change their women - i honestly believe more women try to change their men...(oops)

    • prospectboy profile image

      Bradrick H. 5 years ago from Texas

      Thank you very much for your feedback.

    • prospectboy profile image

      Bradrick H. 5 years ago from Texas

      Thanks Leslie for your feedback. I agree totally with you.

    • prospectboy profile image

      Bradrick H. 5 years ago from Texas

      Thanks for your feedback love doctor. I think it happens with both men and women, but like Leslie mentioned I see more women trying to change guys. It happens in both cases though.

    • kellyteam profile image

      Willette 4 years ago from Michigan

      Amen amen. I could usually tell when someone was not being theirself. I look and listen a lot and you learn a lot that way. I could not stand watching someone I know acting different for the opposite sex. You can only perpetrate a fraud for so long. Eventually the real you will come out. Might as well be you from jump street. Wonderful hub. Thank for sharing.

    • prospectboy profile image

      Bradrick H. 4 years ago from Texas

      @kellyteam, Thank you very for taking out your time to check out this hub. Like you, I agree that listening and watching others equates to learning a lot about them and their ways. The real you eventually comes out, so as you said, might as well be yourself from the start. Many people including myself have struggled with this in the past, but self love is the most important thing. Usually others will follow once they see that you have that. Again, I appreciate you leaving your feedback, and thanks for reading :)

    • LisaMarie724 profile image

      Lisa Stover 4 years ago from Pittsburgh PA

      I think it's a bad idea. You should always be yourself, no matter who that is lol.

    • Annette Hendley profile image

      Annette Hendley 4 years ago from London, United Kingdom

      It never works to try and change just so somebody will like you more. Making certain changes to better yourself because you want to is fine. Do it for yourself and nobody else. You won't be able to continue pretending for the rest of your life. Very balanced view.

    • LauraD093 profile image

      Laura Tykarski 4 years ago from Pittsburgh PA

      When you reach my age bracket (late forties) you get to the points of Pop-eye psychology "I yam what I yam!" Although even when I was younger I would change things I wanted to for myself but you just can't change for the behalf of other people it just doesn't work without resentment developing. Very interesting hub voted up!

    • prospectboy profile image

      Bradrick H. 4 years ago from Texas

      @LisaMarie724, I agree totally with you on that. Thanks for stopping by.

    • prospectboy profile image

      Bradrick H. 4 years ago from Texas

      @Annette Hendley, I'm with you all the way on that. Real change should start within us first. Thank you for reading, and leaving your feedback.

    • prospectboy profile image

      Bradrick H. 4 years ago from Texas

      @LauraD093, Haha@Pop-eye psychology. I've never heard that before lol. Anyway, I think that most of us go through that stage in life where we want to fit in with society. That also applies when dealing with something we may be physically attracted. We live and learn though. Thank you so much for providing feedback on this subject.

    • jtrader profile image

      jtrader 3 years ago

      If it's a change we want to make, sure. For example, if you have a habit of holding grudges and decide to get rid of that habit both because you don't like it and because it's unattractive, no problem. However changing yourself just to suit a potential partner is a no-no. Voted up and interesting!

    • prospectboy profile image

      Bradrick H. 3 years ago from Texas

      @jtrader, I agree with you. If the change is based solely on what a person wants, then it's totally fine. I just don't think it's wise to be someone you're not to attract someone. Like a few others mentioned, people can see through it, and it's more of a turn off because a person is putting on an act when they do that. Thank you for the vote up, and for checking this out. I appreciate it a lot!

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