- Gender and Relationships
Should The Contact Stop Just Because He's Away?
There is a blissful feeling which occurs when we meet a guy that we feel not only attracted to, but also have a connection with. However, this excitement can shift to discouragement the moment we discover he travels a great deal for work and recreation.
What does this mean for your relationship? Will you hear from him when he travels or does he get a free pass to not contact you? And, are you supposed to accept that?
When a man is interested in you as a partner, he will move mountains and swim across oceans to stay in contact with you. Okay, that sounded extreme, but you get the point.
Ladies, a guy that wants a future with you, will not consistently contact you when he's in town and then all of a sudden do a one-eighty the second he heads out of town. Most men who know they have met a great woman, would not risk losing her by creating a disconnection.
Reasons why he would stop contact when traveling (Red Flags):
- He has been a bachelor for a long time and is not use to relationship etiquette
- He doesn't actually want to be “chained” down in a relationship—and it shows by his absentee attitude when he's traveling.
- He is already in a relationship (other than you)
- He wants to have his cake (you) and eat it too (meet other women freely)
- He is leading a double life (has a wife and kids)
- He does not see a future with you (ouch!)
- When he's away he wants to “play” (aka; hookup) without feeling guilty
- He is just inconsiderate and selfish
- He’s emotionally unavailable
Here’s the thing, if we are not on a man's mind (and in his heart) to the point that he misses us enough to reach out, this is never a good sign. We should not have to beg or convince a guy to want to have contact with us when he is away.
Unfortunately if you are dating a guy who takes significant boys' trips and/or personal trips which never include you, he is showing—through his actions— that you are not important to him. Also, he is letting you know that he enjoys spending time away from you more than with you. Yikes!
We all make time for what we want…
If a man with an extremely busy and important job like the president can make time for his partner, so can the man you are dating. He can call, send a text, or email if he truly is in an area that has no phone coverage. Again, if he doesn’t reach out, he is lazy, and more importantly, not that into you or interested in a serious relationship.
In this day and age there is no excuse for a man to not reach out, even if it's just a quick text to let you know you are on his mind.
Most of us have our phones glued to us; as our source for the time, a way to capture photos or for checking work text and emails. Whatever his original pattern for reaching out to you was—prior to his trip—should still stay similar when he is gone.
Don't get me wrong, if you are used to talking to your man several times throughout the day or perhaps for hours on end, it's not realistic (or should be expected) that he should still do exactly that when he is away. Maybe the communication isn't as long, so that he can still be respectful towards the people he is with (co-workers, family members, and friends). Either way, there should still be communication, not a feeling that your relationship is on pause until he gets back.
To build a relationship that has a strong and lasting foundation we must have communication.
If you are dating a man who consistently travels, the foundation of your relationship will be harder to build since your time together is limited. This is why it's important to make time to reach out, especially using FaceTime or video chat. Dealing with a man who travels a great deal, and adding the no communication factor when he is gone, will create a disconnected relationship. Frankly, he's not plugged in (to you).
When someone is thinking about you, they will want to contact you. And if this person travels, they should definitely reach out first. But, that also means when they make the effort, they should see the happiness in your return text messages, and hear the excitement in your voice during calls.
Don't always leave the ball in his court to reach out, make the effort too.
Relationships are a two-way street. For example, if you are the one traveling, set the precedent with a text, phone call, or email. Hopefully that sets the tone for him to reciprocate when he is traveling. If you are newly dating and you don't hear from him, instead of getting upset, text him and let him know that you would love to hear from him so that you know that he has arrived to his destination safely. Once you speak, it's important to let him know that you don't expect him to “check-in,” rather you enjoy hearing his voice because you miss him. Hearing his voice and receiving text messages also helps keep the spark alive and the connection stronger.
Believe me, dating someone who travels can be discouraging, and can make you feel vulnerable. When there is no communication, it is easy to question if your connection was as real as you thought and to be honest, it can be hard not to have feelings of insecurity. If you both can communicate during these absences, these feelings of insecurity would not materialize, and you would definitely feel a continuity in your relationship.
A connection can't build without communication…
Although it's important that you spend significant quality time together when he is in town, its just as important to keep the connection alive when he is away.
Let's keep it real, when a guy is interested in you for the right reasons and wants to be with you, he will not let his travel schedule get in the way. He will call, not missing a beat, reaching out through text messages and periodic phone calls. If the relationship has emotionally excelled—he might even ask you (or perhaps fly you) to see him if he is gone over a long weekend or extended period or even take you with him.
Ladies, when you are dating you know if it’s right or not. Listen to your heart. Do not give up on a traveling guy if he is not giving up on you. If he proves his interest and dedication to communicate while out of town—and makes an effort to spend time with you while he is around—he is someone to try to build a foundation with in your life. If not, the materials may be lacking to build a lasting relationship and it might be time to give this man a one-way ticket—away from your heart.