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Relationship Advice: How to Know if Your Boyfriend is Cheating on You

Updated on May 23, 2018
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Fernando has been blogging for 3 years. He currently holds an associates degree in applied mathematics from College of the Desert.

Once upon a time, there was a man. He started dating a woman and made her his girlfriend. They lived happily ever after.

That is, before he began to worry her.

We live in the day and age where communication is vast and effortless. It's easy to text someone within seconds and even easier to place a call to a person miles away.

Be afraid, but don't be afraid to move forward. Even though your man might be distressing you, you shouldn't fear. After all, after reading this article, you will be armed with enough information to be able to identify a potentially dangerous situation. However, do keep in mind this is for theoretical and informational purposes, as only you will know what's up.

A man getting hit by a woman.
A man getting hit by a woman.

1. Delayed Responses

A lot of women don't catch on to this one, and I wonder why.

I have had a few female friends who, interestingly, tell me that their guy is taking forever to reply. In fact, very rarely I'm told that their man only replies a few times a day. Even though both of you are dating, or perhaps have been sworn together, you still have to be cautious enough to realize that any type of relationship needs some maintenance. And, unfortunately, this is one of those times where you'll need to do a lot of work.

Unfortunately, he may be disinterested in you. Yes, he will talk to you once in a while, and I understand that. He will do this in order to maintain the relationship with you, and it's a really common strategy. This, unfortunately, leads to a lot of women being hurt.

"I don't know what I did wrong. Every time I called him, he would tell me he's busy. I would ask him with what, and he would either reply he's out with friends or he is working. I just couldn't understand how to get to him."

-Anonymous Female

To explain to you in a nut shell, this is a bad situation. I feel bad for the female that had to go through this. She explained to me how bad she felt over it, and she wishes she could have done something better. She beat herself up over it, but I calmed her down because this isn't a fight she can win. After all, he simply wasn't interested anymore.

You know, not all guys will be like that. In fact, maybe he's only trying to get your attention. However, as I stated above, it's just not what you want in your relationship. It's okay to allow your man to have some space, but you don't to be in a situation where the likelihood of having him cheat on you is greater. It's just not a good game, whatsoever.

Sometimes, however, he is merely trying to get your attention. Once again, most women will have a lot of trouble deciphering this. After all, just like all people, we are hard to sometimes understand. You will need to communicate with your guy in order to figure out what his game plan is. If he's merely shunning you in order to get a point across, talk with him and fix things as soon as possible.

What I would recommend is keep a detailed analysis of the amount of conversation both of you make over the phone, especially if he isn't living with you. However, if both of you are living under the same roof, bare with me, and I beg you have a little bit of imagination in your mind to connect this point to your life situation. Now, try to find a trend. Has he been communicating less with you lately?

2. He Has Too Much Time on His Hands

This is a classic case. Whatever his connection to you, married or simply dating, you know his schedule. You know where he is supposed to be at what time, and when he is working. Let's just hope he isn't planning to do anything trivial, you know?

Listen up, ladies. This is a caution zone. Proceed with caution, and trust your gut. Only you'll know if something is up. He has to be acting really weird or funky for you to come up to the conclusion that there is something wrong. Therefore, I only consider this a caution. After all, he might be the loyal type. Or not. It's completely up to you to decipher him.

A man looking at a woman.
A man looking at a woman.

He Hangs Out with Other Girls

Many would argue there is nothing wrong with this, as men have the right to be treated as people. After all, people have needs. One of those needs are, interestingly, social-based.

Truth is, this still poses a risk. It's completely up to you if you trust your man enough to allow him to hang out around other girls. Obviously, you need to trust her if she is going to be around him.

There are times where you'll feel like you can trust him. However, do note this is a critical zone. I say critical because this isn't just dangerous to your relationship. If something goes wrong, it could ruin your relationship. Once it's ruined, nothing will be the same. Therefore, proceed with caution and try to tell him how you feel.

Of course, let me tell you something. In most cases, it's not him that you should be worried about. It's her.Ladies, men aren't complete douche bags. Yes, the whole point of this article is to give you the hints you must know in order to figure out who's doing you wrong and who is being legitimate. However, this isn't going to be the case in every relationship.

Just because a man is showing certain signs doesn't mean he is 'cheating'. However, it's great to be aware, especially because it's not usually the guy that starts it off. After all, that's not how the human body works.

Let's get into a bit of how a man's body works. I will be very brief on this, and I don't need to be a scientist or a scholar in order to explain. After all, this is fairly common sense, but I will explain later why this is an important concept.

  1. He gets his hard on. First of all, yes, I suppose he is slightly to blame, but it's not his fault. After all, he notices an attractive woman. Some guys, if not most, will resist because they are hopefully in a beautiful relationship that they enjoy.
  2. She Proceeds. I could tell you that there may be a time and place where a woman will proceed to act in ways that attract other males. And, interestingly, it's a good idea to acknowledge this rather than to give all of the blame to the guy. After all, it's just the way his body works. She started it. He finished it with his actions. Therefore, if you know your guy is susceptible to women, KEEP HIM AWAY.
  3. He chooses his course of action.

I warn you to be careful when letting your man be around other girls, but also understand that not all guys are out there to destroy what they've dedicated their time and efforts to. Guys don't like to waste time. If they want something, they'll strive to achieve it. They'll do whatever it takes to get to their destination.

Of course, I hope his goals are to love you rather than to get in bed with you. That's plain stupid.

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The Aftermath of a Rough Argument

He came home. You were waiting for him, or he was waiting for you. Somebody got upset because somebody burned the cereal or whatever.

Don't be so hard on him if you care about him.

Just because he burnt the cereal doesn't mean you need to treat him like ship. After all, he probably won't want to float both of your boats for a while. In fact, this is a perfect window for him to re-evaluate how he feels about you, and that's not what you want!

Be aware that some guys will chase after other girls after a fight. This happens way too often, and I'll admit that there were times, in my previous relationships, where I ended up finding comfort with the attention of another woman, especially if my girl, at the time, brutally destroyed my feelings. Ship happens, and he still needs to float his both. And yours, if that's what he likes to do. Of course, he won't want to anymore if you keep making him feeling like a shipwreck.

Guys are as human as you are. Therefore, it's in your best interest to be careful about how you handle his feelings.

Here are some quick tips on how to treat your guy:

  1. Don't believe the media about guys. No, they are not fudge boys. Throw that out of the window. Yes, obviously there are a lot of guys that are like that, but I could argue the same thing about girls. Therefore, it's better to treat them with the same respect that you would want from another person. Don't assume everyone is the same, and see for your own eyes before you jump to conclusions. And yes, this brings me to the next point.
  2. DON'T jump to conclusions if you don't have evidence to back it up. Don't accuse your guy. Just because he burnt the cereal (I've burnt cereal and please don't ask how or why) doesn't mean he's going to be a bad cook in the future. Don't assume this is going to be the death of the marriage.
  3. Don't tell him that you'll chop off his baster cannon if he checks out other girls, thought this is kind of cute to say. However, it makes a lot of guys feel uncomfortable because it's letting us know that you're primed and ready for the chance that he might end up cheating on her.
  4. Do give every guy you date a fair chance. After all, we don't want to feel as if you've been dating guy after guy and have been hurt a million times. If you've cooked cereal to your first guy and the last guy you date gets a bowl of dirt, it's completely unfair. Don't let this be the highlight of the relationship, and don't let it be a trend!
  5. Think before you talk. When you're arguing with him, don't make him regret being with you. Period.

Chess pieces. The white piece has fallen, while the black piece remains standing up.
Chess pieces. The white piece has fallen, while the black piece remains standing up.

He Just Doesn't Treat You the Same

"You're so amazing. I'm going to treat you right. I'll treat you like a queen."

Cliche, I know, and I'll try not to wear them out. After all, I would love to still be able to tell my girlfriend those phrases.

You know, it's not about the phrases. If you were to tell yourself that you've heard a phrase a million times, you'd probably tire of it. You'd tell yourself,

"if someone tells me this again, I swear I'm going to rip their hair out because they probably tell every other girl the exact same thing."

Ladies, you're not wrong. I mean, there are only so many words in the vocabulary, and this is where my next point comes in.

Focus on the driving force behind what he says. Everybody says 'I love you', but how is it that it feels special every time you're told that phrase? Why do you still tell him 'I love you'?

Well, that's besides the point, but I hope this stirs some thought into the whole dilemma about figuring out just how much he cares about you. Now, let's come up with the scenario that I've been leading up to.

He just doesn't treat you the same. He stopped calling you beautiful. He stopped treating you like a princess. Everything stops, and you wonder why.

Something has changed in your relationship. This is a really bad sign. After all, anything could happen, and you have to act fast in order to find out what's going on. Or, like many, you could just let things stay how they are.

I don't know about you, but this is a disheartening situation. This is more of a universal type of problem, because I, too, faced the same situation. She just didn't feel the same about me, and she never told me what was going on. She didn't explain to me that she stopped feeling the same, and our relationship dragged on for another year.

I don't know if she was cheating on me. But, that's not the point. The real truth is that she could have been, and I wouldn't have been able to find out. However, whether she did or not, I lost. Something got to her that changed how she felt about me, and it's uncertain whether it was something about me or whether someone else did that to her.

You need to rekindle your relationship. I was once told this, and I didn't understand why that was so important until I realized nothing lasts forever.

"Nothing lasts forever. Unless, you care so much as to nurture it. If you take good care of it, give it good soil, and feed it enough nutrients while keeping it well hydrated, its roots will dig deep into the soils of the earth to create a tree that won't bend or break."

-Fernando, Me

He Doesn't Care About What You Do Anymore

He doesn't ask what you're doing. Where you are. Who you're with. He's lost all care about you, and he'd rather not bother to ask anything about what's going on around you.

Ladies, and some gentleman that may be reading, this is the breaking point in any relationship. Something has gone terribly wrong, and it is only worsening. This may be the point where a third party may intersect the relationship, unfortunately.

You need to figure out just what in the living ship is going on. After all, we need to allow both of your boats to float. Together, if possible.

He might be talking to someone else at this point. If he doesn't ask how your day is anymore, you're better off expecting the worst. People have social needs.

"If not you, someone else."

Just like when we're hungry, we'll find something to eat. If there's nothing to eat in one fridge, on to the next one.

If I were you, I'd watch the relationship closely. Monitor it as well as you can, and hope to God ship doesn't go down. After all, this is pretty bad.

A girl near a tree.
A girl near a tree.

He Wants to Fight You

"Hi, honey," your husband says, "you're home early."
"It was a rough day at work," you say, "we had to work overtime."
"Why did you burn the God damn cereal again, Stacy?"

Trust me on this. There's a high chance he is cheating on you if he is fighting with you for every reason. Of course, maybe some psychologists might say otherwise. After all, it could be argued that some people will argue merely out of their own psychological needs and personal satisfaction. However, I don't think so.

When he knows he has f*cked up, he will fight you. He will blame you for everything and anything. He will come to you and beat you to your knees until you ask him why he is doing this.

"Stacy, you're nothing but ship. You can't even float your own boat. I don't know what the fudge I'm doing with you. At least I don't burn my cereal!"

(He burnt his cereal the day before).

It's a ridiculous concept, but this is real life. This isn't a game. This actually happens. Where are my credentials, you say? I don't need them, because this has happened to a friend of mine. Aside from that, I've heard this happens on more occasions than you might expect.

Truth is, he might be hiding something. And, in order to make himself feel as if he did nothing wrong, he will terrorize your life.

He Wants to Break Up with You

Unfortunately, this is the final stage. There is a big chance he has found another. There is nothing to do but either cry it out, try to change his mind, or just let it be.

Whatever your choice of action, something went wrong and you're better off rethinking your strategy.

If a man wants to break up with you, he's made up his mind. Or not.

According to one of my ex's, she has had experiences where an ex of hers leaves. Then, after leaving, he comes back. Why?

"God damn it, I gave you one task and you blew it. Now, my ex is ringing up my phone! Gosh, women are so stupid sometimes."


Sometimes a man cheats on a girl because he is tired of her. Of course, this doesn't always happen, as depicted above. Sometimes a man leaves because he is merely tired of the same old thing and wants to try something different. Once he fails on his search for something he believes is better, he'll either stay where he is at, miserable and all, or he'll crawl back right up his old lover's brass.

No matter the situation, this is a dire one to say the least.

Two rings left on a piece of wood.
Two rings left on a piece of wood.

Thanks for Reading

I hope this was quite informational for a lot of women out there. After all, there is a lot of misinformation out there. It's best to be armed with caution in all of the possibilities. There are far too many combinations in life, therefore it is essential to at the bare minimum be aware of what is considered untrustworthy and worth setting some cautionary measures.

And remember, this is for informational purposes only. I find these points to be theory at this point, but do keep in mind you should have trust in your partner anyways. Believe in your gut, but also keep in mind people are not evil.


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    • dashingscorpio profile image


      14 months ago

      "DON'T jump to conclusions if you don't have evidence to back it up." Actually I suggest one trust them self.

      Unless you have a history of being insecure and paranoid there is no reason for you not to believe what you suspect.

      Generally speaking we suspect our mate is cheating when there are sudden changes in their personality and behavior towards us. These are "changes" we don't like.

      Let us suppose you found out he was not cheating but you still hated the changes. Odds are you're not going to jump for joy. Rule #1 if you're unhappy move on.

      Some people almost need their mate to cheat or abuse them in some way to give themselves permission to leave a relationship they are unhappy with.

      Playing private detective or trying to "bust" someone cheating is really an ego exercise. We want them to know they didn't outsmart us! That's time we could have used to meet someone else. If something doesn't feel right to you it's probably not right for you. Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.


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