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Finding Out Whether He Is in Love With You or Not: Signs He Has Fallen for You

Updated on March 15, 2022
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I'm a Midwesterner with a background in writing and media. My articles are mainly about relationships, dating, and heartbreak.


What is Love?

Love is complicated. Diverse. Splendid. It effects people differently. We make different fools of ourselves, although roughly the same hormones go through our bodies. Love will hit you out of nowhere. Some people report being in love on first sight, while others could take a couple of years. It's mysterious, all over the place, and also a big thread in our social world. Love... why and what? But more importantly -- when to spot it.

In the scope of a relationship, people usually reach that milestone or plateau. There's this reach for human connection that we're desiring -- and I think some of us have a rich, detailed capacity for love -- like the Sistine Chapel's art. You have to decide for yourself when you are in love and what it means for you, because no one else can quite define it for you in the same way. Don't take someone's generalizations for your experience.

Signs He Loves You

Sometimes it takes a moment to say you actually love someone romantically.

People like to be sure... and also hope that it's mutual.

You can be on the fence for awhile when dating. And then one day -- poof! You're in love. You feel healed from unrequited love you experienced previously, you can feel enamored with life again. The colors come back into the world.

Here's a few tips on when those sparks are actually working. When he is feeling that chemistry.

  • He is consistent -- someone who loves you is interested in you consistently and for the whole of you, not just in pieces. You'll be able to tell this is true because they are in a constant stream communicating to you. He doesn't leave you hanging in the air, and he doesn't make something minor into something huge. He will have a certain serenity and mellowness because for whatever reason, being around you is a cakewalk that makes him all gentle, yet crazy, about you.
  • Cuddle time -- if someone wants to cuddle with you and not just bang you -- that's more serious. You get different hormones when you cuddle that are meant for a longer-lasting connection. Someone who respects your body and wants to know they have your consent, cares about you. But someone who rushes you and pressures you into things, doesn't care about the pacing you have. They don't care about what you're going through emotionally.
  • They can wait -- someone who is really interested in loving you will suddenly have patience they may have never known. This doesn't just have to do with the bedroom, but all around. If you can't come up with an answer on whether or not you really want to be in a relationship, try dating, if you want them to meet your family, if you're ready to be engaged -- he'll wait for you through all these steps. He has confidence that you'll come around, and he'll also be okay if you are friends. It might sting to just be friends... but he cares about you genuinely.

  • He could listen to anything -- he wants to know how your day went even if all of it was spent staring at a computer screen for all eternity in an office. He wants to know what makes you sad or angry, he wants to know your favorite movie, your favorite ice cream flavor. He wants to know your middle name. When he starts texting you about how he just removed dust behind the back of his television, his not trying to be boring -- he is comfortable talking to you about anything. He is willing to connect with you from any vantage point.
  • When things are rough, he will stay-- whether you are sick, you just got fired, and everything is just falling apart, this guy still sticks with you through thick and thin. He knows that in the grand scheme of things, there will be seasons of failure and seasons of success. You can't just say it's only going to be one golden roller coast; there are going to be some trying times.
  • He is honest about his past -- you don't have to do too much poking around to figure out what his past was like. He tells you at a reasonable time what life was like before you. You don't have to worry if he has had a life of crime, 12 children with 13 different mothers, a bizarre mail order bride from overseas. He lets you know the truth, not just the pretty stuff -- but the bad, hard times too.
  • He is eager to help -- whether the refrigerator is broken, you've had a bad day, or you just had a big financial loss, he wants to help somehow in someway. He doesn't want you to suffer, so he tries to think of a way to help... or he flat out admits he can't help, but he wishes he could or knew how.
  • He mentions you in the future -- he doesn't sound like he is going on a solo adventure for the next 20 years. He wants to move forward, but also somehow include you. He is going to feel really stuck if you don't come with him on his big adventure, and he may forget about the big adventure because he wants you... and another big adventure can wait.
  • No one else seems like they'll work -- he may get to a point where yeah, the dating world is vast. There are literal billions of people on the planet. But for whatever reason, he has recognized that you are one of a kind, and going back into the dating world and trying to find someone even as close as your level of awesome is going to be really hard and painful... and it just won't do. He wants you. Plain and simple.
  • He knows your favorites -- he knows what you'll order on the menu, he knows your favorite brand of toothpaste, he knows how you like your mornings, he knows a whole lot of crap simply because he loves you and wants to know your preferences. He wants what is best for you.
  • He has you meet his family and close friends -- especially if his family doesn't live in the same town, he'll make a special effort for you to see them. He may even surprise you with them in a subtle way, just so you can see them... before you're even dating.

    "Oh, hey! Grandparents! We're here at work and this is my co-worker Jane. Jane is really cool! Alright... next stop is..."
  • He takes things you say seriously -- if you tell him where the best Italian restaurant is in town, he wants to know what it is like, what to order, and will take you there. If you say a certain television show is amazing, he'll want to watch it immediately. Even if he doesn't like it, he still has to know. He'll feel like it is a puzzle to getting to know you better.
  • He saves things from you -- he has a certain collection of things from you, whether simple or fantastic, from dates to suggestions... he has a geeked out collection of you.

Let Love Come Up Naturally

Let him take his own time to figure out how he'll say those three special words. He may plan something romantic for you. He may take you to a romantic, candlelit dinner, and give you a dozen of roses. Or one day, while doing dishes, when you're cutting a tomato in an unusual way -- he may just kiss you on the forehead and tell you he loves you. Maybe you'll notice he feels that way far in advance -- maybe the hugs goodbye will last longer, maybe it gets more noticeable that he misses you when you're gone, and maybe he has this really strong need to send you a goodnight text. For whatever reason he'll get attached to you, and all you can do is set things up in your life to have as healthy and amazing of a relationship as humanly possible.

© 2016 Andrea Lawrence


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