- Gender and Relationships
7 Signs Of A Commitment Phobic Man
Yesterday, I met up with an old friend who was really discouraged because she was still single and searching for Mr Right. She poured out her heart because she was tired of being in relationships with men who did not wish to commit to marriage.
In her quest to be spared additional hurts in relationships, she asked me the questions, "How can I avoid getting involved with a commitment phobic?"
My response to her was simply as follows:
1. What are you looking for?
If you keep meeting the same sort of person, then it is highly likely that you are not looking for the right things. Perhaps you are considering surface level information about a person rather than looking at the more deeper things that hold a relationship together. For example, do you share the same values? Are your goals similar or complementary? etc. It could be that you are looking at external qualities rather than character.
2. Are you rushing too quickly into relationships?
If you are going from one relationship to another, then possibly signs of desperation and eagerness to settle down are being picked up by the men around you. This can result in either you being undervalued and disrespected or worst case scenario, used.
3. Are you assuming?
Too often, you could be assuming a relationship that really isn't there. The man may just want to be your friend but you are assuming that it is a relationship but it is not! He may of course be undecided or he may just have no intention of being anything permanent in your life. It is a choice that we all have.
4. What is your expectation of the time to commit?
Are you expecting a man to commit after the 1st, 3rd, 5th date? What is your expectation of when a man should commit and what are the signs that you are looking for? You need to be careful that you don't try to impose your own standard onto whomever you are dating.
Once I had covered those points, I was then able to give her some signs of a Commitment Phobic:
1. He never talks about the future
2. He doesn't desire to be frequently seen with you at social events where family, friends or work colleagues could assume a serious relationship if they see him more than once or twice
3. He calls you as and when he desires
4. He never introduces you to people that matter to him
5. He keeps your relationship under cover
6. He avoids all discussions about love, marriage, weddings
7. He becomes uncomfortable when you ask him specific questions about his life and plans
Whilst this list is not exhaustive, it generally does give an indication whether a man is commitment phobic. If you know who you are and your motives are right, this type of man will be easy to spot and you can run as fast as possible away from them.