Signs That Signal "Danger" Has Crept Into Your Marriage
To clarify, there is absolutely no comedy, verbal gags or slapstick phrases in this hub. And if you should find any, it is purely accidental.
This piece is a serious rendering about a serious area: Our relationship with our mates or those we are hoping one day to be our mate. Hopefully you will not be begging for a program anywhere in this presentation for I am not "just" from the "Old School," but was born behind my math teacher's desk. I am old-fashioned with this subject, for maintaining a healthy relationship in today's High Tech Society is not just wonderful. It might be a miracle that Jesus would own.
has crept into this guy's marriage. And through his ability to "act" happy with his wife and things she brings to the marriage, he is very miserable. The main problem is that he has too much manly-pride to admit that "he" has a problem.
but he doesn't know why. He is successful, popular, and around others, he seems to be happy and fulfilled, but at home with the wife, he is a classic case of "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde," and unless he gets proper counseling, this problem can lead to his marriage disintegrating from within.
Life has it mazes to navigate
If I chose, I could take you from the first time our eyes seen the most-beautiful lady in God's creation. From that moment of seeing her, came dating and soon, being engaged to her. Talk about a natural high. That, my friend, is the ultimate. After engagement comes "the day" she has dreamed of since she played with dolls. And gossiped with her pre-teen girlfriends about boys, boys, boys. Ewwww.
Us men were no different in our curiosity about girls for that was our main pre-teen boy subject. Girls, girls, girls. Oh yeah.
White wardrobe adorned with fanciful silk and lace. She was a vision to your seeking eyes for you, like men of my day, waited for the sexual part of marriage until the wedding night. In today's lifestyle, people who choose to wait are considered lunatics. Well, hello there. I am one of those lunatics and proud of it. So keep your slurs to yourself about my wife and I having something wrong with us.
I never thought I'd be frustrated
with these lovely children. But this is all too common for stay-at-home moms. At first, her situation is paradise compared to her former life in the workforce, but after a few months, reality begins to teach her what she is really involved with and it's not just taking care of the kids' needs, but the needs of her husband who works and just comes home and crashes on the couch until dinner time. Then he sits with her around the table and says few words while he eats. She, on the other hand, has to feed the kids as well as herself. If only he would share some of his day to relieve this "trapped like a prisoner" feeling that has all but taken over her life.
Be prepared for when "the new" wears off
Then in the same sense as "the new wearing off" of a kid's new bicycle he got for Christmas, subtle changes begin to crop-up in the marriage. At first, the changes are not that noticeable. In fact, the wedded-couple hardly notice them. This, to me, would be "the" time and place to just stop and take a seriously-honest inventory of the marriage and the couple who are now encountering these mild changes.
But no. Life has its tasks that must be met. Making a life and living for their lives together and soon, the children who will be born to them and the tasks increase, but the couple, like most stressed couples will say, "Hey, I had rather work day and night than to see my children and wife/husband go without." This is one noble statement. Some married people actually live up to it while others succumb to the pressure and are simply washed away from the shore like an unimportant starfish seeking life.
I am not a clinical psychologist or marriage counselor. But I have both experienced and viewed the following danger signs that are intact in each marriage seen them flash that red light telling the oblivious couple that "trouble is near," until the light burns itself out. If only the wedded couple had listened.
How serious trouble begins in any marriage that is receiving warning signals is that the marital partners take on roles of actors to play-out a specific role rather fhan face-up to the problems and bring them to light so a solution can be reached.
but only at home with the wife and kids. This is a common problem for married people, but it can lead to more-serious problems such as adultery as other gimmicks that are no replacement for true happiness that he once felt when he and his wife first met. This problem is complex, but can be solved. And it's mainly felt by men who begin to question "if" he really loves the one he married. This questioning starts when he gets outside his marital routine--maybe attending a party with other couples and a friendly flirt is sent his way. See how easy "danger" can slip undetected into the best of marriages?
"I feel so disconnected"
lately. Oh, I love my wife and even though we chose to not have kids, seems like the years, the jobs and the success for a while were enough. But not now. "I" am not interested in the things she does like I was when we first married. I am not even interested in the hobbies and things my buddies and I do sometimes. I know that I am not "in a rut" like those other guys, but I do know that I have changed. Fact is, friend, you ARE in a rut. Either emotional, sexual, or some ritualistic things you put into your marriage thinking it would cure being "disconnected." The wisest thing you can do for yourself and your wife is so face the problem head-on and hash it out with your wife. She will listen to you. And maybe when you make this all-important first step, you may find out that your problem was not as bad as you first thought.
"I feel so emotionally-drained"
most of the time. I lost the "baby fat" when I had our two kids just so I could look good for my husband when he came home from work, but I looked at myself in the mirror and saw more things that I could work on to make myself look like I did when we first met. May I say something? You are only fooling yourself and working for nothing. Some things, sure you can change to look good and that is important, but you have grown from a newlywed wife to a mature mom with more responsibilities. Another thing that might comfort you is although you are not that young girl he married, but neither is he the young guy whom you married.
She is know as "The Prospector"
seeking just a safe amount of male attention. Time was, she was "all there was," when she married her husband 22 years ago, but like a storm without warning, he seemingly lost interest in her in every way--her talents, opinions, sex, and even her looks. Not that she is seeking an adulterous affair, but she just has this need to be looked upon as the vibrant woman she really is. She needs to sit her husband down and without judging or condemning, talk to him about this problem that "she" is having and without using the word "you" when addressing her problem. If she does use the word "you," the husband will feel accused and stop talking. He might even walk away. Talk it out first before seeking professional counseling.
Do you see what this married guy is doing?
No. He is not sleeping with this hot chick. At least not yet. His wife has accused him if looking for anything to take the place of being intimate with her. If he even senses that his wife needs attention from him while they are alone, he bolts. And tells her that he "forgot" some paperwork he needs to do in his office in the attic. Or he needs to change the oil in the car. If a party is mentioned, he is ready. The thing here might be a "Confused Imaging" by the man toward his wife who is also the mother of his three children. His mind cannot grasp that she isn't the sexy thing he fell for fresh out of college, and now is not just his wife, but a mother as well. If this guy will just own-up to his lack of visualizing her in the proper light, things will start working better.
comes in so many forms that it is tough for the seeker to make a choice. Why does one, for example, a married man, choose to get lost in the land of "Artificial Happiness?" We can only guess.
It might range from fear of his youth being covered-up by marital responsibilities or obligations that he cannot see himself as the once-virile man he was before he was married.
At first, he was the happiest man in town. He and his wife went everywhere together and did things together. Then one morning he woke up and it hit him as he caught a glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror--his receding hairline, a small roll of fat around his waist and not as energetic as he once was.
I truly believe that this moment scared him as if he had ran upon a coiled Cobra ready to strike. So he starts a campaign of seeking "substances," that will give him the feeling he is missing. It may start with liquor and it's kin to soothe his fear and if this doesn't work, he graduates to even heavier and deadlier substances that in a short time will make an addict out of him.
I dare say that any wife who married a sensitive-hearted man who feels fear and confesses it to her to talk it out, will not judge or laugh at him. She will support him in every way.
So before you start that sad road that leads to "The Land of Artificial Happiness," relax and sit down with your wife. Talk about your fear. It can only help. Not hurt.