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11 Signs To Tell You Your Spouse Is Cheating

Updated on March 20, 2017

Signs He Is Cheating

It is a well-known fact that many people involved in relationships cheat on their partners or their spouses. According to relationship experts and some spouses themselves, the following are among the reasons why they cheat: To boost their self-esteem (because they are emotionally needy), to seek emotional fulfillment because they are neglected emotionally, to experience excitement which they are not getting in the relationship, to satisfy their sexual urge because they are deprived sexually, revenge to pay back a spouse for cheating, and a desire to be seduced and romanced because they are missing the romantic moments they enjoyed when they were courting.

What are some of the signs that will tell you your spouse may be cheating? How do you tell if your spouse is cheating? What are the ways to know if your spouse is cheating?

Signs To Tell You Your Spouse Is Cheating

If you see lipstick stains in his clothes, it may be a sign he is cheating
If you see lipstick stains in his clothes, it may be a sign he is cheating | Source

Spouse's Spending Increases

If you notice that your spouse is spending far and above what he makes in a month, withdrawing money from his or her bank account very often, and you cannot see the results of that spending reflecting on the economy at home, you need to be wary and on your guard. For example, if there is children’s school fees to be paid and your husband keeps withdrawing large amounts of money from his bank account but does not use it to pay the school fees and does not give any credible reasons as to how he used the money, you may suspect that he is cheating. He may be spending the money on his new found lover.

Again, if he asks you for loans when you know the income he is earning is enough to take care of the whole family and yet he is not using it to take care of his financial responsibilities in the house and he cannot explain clearly how he is expending the money, or you do not see the tangible results, you have to dig deeper into the issue.

You should also look out for a sharp and marked increase in the phone bill at home, especially for periods when you are not at home. If your spouse is cheating, they will need to keep in touch with their lover and chances are that they will contact the other person when you are not at home. So carefully monitor your phone bill and note the time period when the consumption goes up astronomically. Were you in the house? Was the call to a person you know or a number you are familiar with? If not you should be suspicious for this could be a sign of cheating.

Preoccupation With Their Phone

When your spouse becomes overly preoccupied with answering the phone it may be a sign he is cheating. If, for example, he or she constantly receives calls from members of the opposite sex when you are having serious conversations, and they do not feel comfortable answering the call in your presence but have to excuse themselves before answering the call, you have to be on your guard. If your husband or your wife is not having an affair, then he or she should feel comfortable answering a call right in your presence. And a good partner should even go further by letting you know who called just to maintain trust.

In addition, if your spouse has a habit of abruptly terminating calls when you come into his or her presence, it may be a sign of infidelity.

Also, a trustworthy spouse will not have a problem with his partner answering his calls. If your spouse becomes excessively over protective of his phone, will not let you receive his calls on his behalf or let you go through the phone, and even carries his phone to the bathroom often, it is a definite sign he's cheating.

Physical Signs Of An Affair

When you are doing the laundry of your husband and you see that the area around the zip looks whitish, it is a physical sign of an affair and a sign of a cheating spouse. That could be a sign that your husband has had sex somewhere else. After having sex, semen might have stained the trousers and made that area whitish.

In addition to this, you may see lipstick stains on the face or clothes of your spouse. They may have picked it up whilst engaging in romance and that is a sign your spouse is cheating.

If you find condoms in your spouse's trousers, or contraceptives in her bag when you are not practicing safe sex or pregnancy control with your spouse, it is a sure sign that they are cheating. It is one of the ways to find out that your spouse is cheating.

Unexplained Happiness

When your wife or your husband comes home in a happy mood, and this mood persists for a long time after they arrive at home, and there is no apparent reason why he or she should be happy, it may be a sign of cheating. He or she may be getting some kind of satisfaction elsewhere which puts them in that mood. It may be something a man or a woman said to them or did for them when they were away from home, and which is making them feel good about the world.

Unattentive Spouse

If your partner does not give you full attention especially when there are no other duties to be performed, you have cause to be concerned. If he or she is not able to focus well on your time together, relapses into periods of silent thinking whilst you are talking to him or her, is far removed from the conversation or the task at hand, is fidgety, nervous, or looks guilty( makes more than necessary efforts to try to please you), you have to be careful.

Guilty spouses sometimes put up such behavior because they have to think about you, think about the person they are cheating with, and try to cover up by trying to be excessively nice. If he or she does not ordinarily do certain things but out of the blue offers to do those things, for example ,if he does not help you with household chores but decides to help you one day and does not continue helping you, be careful!

Loses Interest In Affection

When someone is not happy about a relationship and he finds someone who gives him the satisfaction he wants, he tends to become emotionally attached to the new person he has found, and to become emotionally detached from the person he thinks may not be giving him the needed satisfaction. Therefore, if your spouse is not happy with his relationship with you and is finding fulfillment somewhere else, he will become less affectionate when he is with you. So for example, if he used to hug you often, or she used to give you romantic massages, or cuddle you when you were both in bed, or used to kiss you first thing in the morning (with all the pleasant odor coming out of his mouth), or he was a ‘‘sex demon’’ and gave you wonderful pleasure during love-making, they will reduce the frequency with which they did these things, or stop altogether. Once your spouse is getting satisfied emotionally somewhere else, he or she may not see the need to satisfy your emotional needs.

Pay Increased Attention To Their Grooming

Should you notice that your spouse spends a lot of time trying to look good, which is out of the ordinary, it is a warning sign of a cheating spouse. If they suddenly or unusually become preoccupied with going the extra mile to make the breath fresher, shave more often than they used to, pay more than necessary attention to their hair-cut or hairdo, or change the kind of perfume they use, it is a sign that they want to look good for someone if they are not doing it to make you happy.

Your Spouse Will Give You Extra Attention

When a person is cheating, because they know it is wrong, and it pricks their conscience, they sometimes want to show you extra attention, and give you excess affection, thinking that will help them to assuage their feelings of guilt. So, if your spouse suddenly starts giving you extra attention which he or she never wanted to give you in the past, even when you asked for it, it may be because he or she is cheating and is trying to make themselves feel innocent by trying to be good to you.

Your Husband, or Wife, Will Become Evasive

One sign that will tell you your spouse is cheating is when they find it difficult to answer straight forward questions about how they spend their time. Some people find it hard to tell lies, and so try to dodge a question, or make every effort not to answer a question, if they know in answering they will tell a lie (which they hate to do). Such people , therefore, become evasive when you question them about how they used their time. For example, when your husband comes home from work and you ask him where he was, he will say something such as, “How was your day? I had a fabulous day at work today.” If you persist and try to find out where he was, he will say, “Don’t worry about where I was. The important thing is I am home now, okay.” And then he will follow it up with a sign of affection, such as giving you a kiss, or hugging you, all as a psychological ploy to distract your mind and make you stop making him feel guilty.

They Take a Defensive Stance

Another sign that will tell you your spouse is cheating is when he or she gets on the defensive, most of the time, when you want to know where they were at a particular time. And so when you say, “Where did you go after close from work? I called your office and was told you were on your way home. That was three hours ago,” he or she may say something such as, “Stop worrying whenever I don’t come home when you expect me to. I am not a small boy( or girl). I am a grown up man (or woman). Don’t treat me as if I cannot take care of myself. ” You may see signs of nervousness whilst he or she is trying to defend himself or herself, such as sweating profusely, or speaking in a shaking voice, or their hand may be shaking whilst they tell you, if he or she is generally not a confident person. Or your spouse will hold his or her hand up when you make the effort to ask the inquiring question and say, “Don’t say anything. Don’t ask any questions. I am very tired. I need peace of mind and rest,” even before you speak.

Another strategy some cheating spouses use is to pretend to be sick when they arrive home, go straight into the bedroom, lie on the bed, and act as if they are not feeling well.

Your Husband, or Wife, Will Accuse You of Cheating

Another trick some cheating spouses use is to accuse the other spouse of cheating when they know he or she is not cheating. Because you are not cheating, you will wonder what makes him or her think you are cheating, and so you will get defensive and focus on trying to prove your innocence because being accused falsely is very painful. Therefore, you may forget about trying to find out if he or she is cheating, or trying to get evidence they are cheating. That is to say, you will now focus on yourself and try to prove your innocence. When you are distracted this way, then they can go on cheating.

How Can You Prevent Your Spouse from Cheating?

A spouse cheats for a reason. It may either be because your spouse does not believe in himself or herself, feels emotionally neglected, is feeling bored in the marriage and wants new experiences, is deprived of sex regularly by you, you have stopped being romantic as you used to be when you were courting, you have time-consuming jobs that do not allow you to have time to have sex, or your spouse wants to hurt you because you have also hurt him or her in the past.

So, what are some of the things you can do to reduce the chances that your spouse will cheat on you, so that you can have a happy marriage, and enjoy your married life?

  • Read your Bible and pray every day. Ask God to give you power to control yourself so that you can fulfill your vows to your spouse.
  • Never just deny your spouse sex. Give specific reasons why you cannot satisfy him or her, and give specific days later on which you will make it up to him or her.
  • Learn to endure the discomfort that accompanies an inability to satisfy your sexual desire. When you feel like having sex and your spouse does not respond positively to that request, feed your mind with something. Read a book, or watch a movie. Meditate on how well your children are doing in school, or in life.
  • Make it a habit to compliment your spouse and make them feel wanted and desirable often, so that he or she will not suffer from low self-confidence and want a confidence boost from another person.
  • Have regular dates at home. They are very convenient and will save you time and money, and also help to keep the romance and seduction alive in your marriage.
  • If you feel your job is too demanding, find another job that will make you have more time for your spouse. You could decide to do a home-based job, an online job, or another job that pays lower, but which affords you the opportunity to spend more time with your spouse.
  • Discuss ways in which you can always find new exciting things to do in your marriage so that you will not be tempted to seek excitement somewhere else.
  • Give your spouse attention. Don’t choose to watch soccer or a soap opera, or go to gossip with your girlfriends, when your spouse wants to have sex with you. Respond immediately to the sexual demands of your spouse.
  • Forgive your spouse when he or she wrongs you, and don’t decide to get back at him or her by sleeping with someone else.


These are a few of the signs that will alert you to a cheating spouse. If your spouse is cheating because the love is lost, you can remedy the situation by reconsidering the relationship, or by taking practical steps to salvage the crumbling relationship. And if the worst happens, you might consider reading my article on how you can survive the break up.

Response To Cheating?

What will you do if you catch your spouse cheating?

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© 2014 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio


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    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 

      17 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      If I ever marry again this information will come in handy. :) Thank you for these helpful tips.


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