- Gender and Relationships
Signs You are Better off Single
Growing up for me I thought I would end up married. I figured walking down the aisle to say my vows was exactly what life was meant to be. I thought I'd be raising kids, I used to go to bed at night as a teen excited to have someone sleep with me, and I daydreamed about kissing. But as I got older, I've realized that getting into the swing of dating only stresses me out, and that when I step away from the idea of relationships, I have better mental clarity, I start to do the things I love to do, and I'm overall happier. Perhaps I haven't found the right one. I know I have sexuality coursing through my veins, and I'm a romantic at heart, but for whatever reason, I get a strong sense that I'm in the wrong direction when I get closer to someone or I only end up unrequited.
I think what I really know how to handle in spades is how to be single. I know how to better align my goals, hit the road in my car, make new friends, new interests, and new jobs. I find that when I'm beginning to date someone, I by instinct sense where things don't make sense, and it's always enough to break up. I think I've gotten to an age where not having a serious relationship would alarm most people. But it doesn't alarm me. I feel cool headed, calm, and experienced, even if people would find that I have a lack of experience -- that's because relationships are not all about what you experience, it's about the knowledge you build, the brains you have, and the dynamic it builds. No one has the right to tell you that you don't have enough experience in any department of relationships. That's what you get to define.
I know I suffer from being chronically picky. I know that sometimes when people tell me about what was their worst time of life that it can, by selfish instinct, scare me to pieces. I'm not here to handle your garbage, and I feel bad, that I haven't had the array of charms you've concocted while existing.
I think I'm better off single. I know others feel this way too. I'm not sure why we feel this way because looking at history, it isn't exactly the common choice. I've never had a public relationship. I'm not sure I'm interested in one. I don't want someone getting in the way of me getting to my goals. It's too much to sacrifice that, and waiting for someone who aligns with me, who I feel is as strong as me and available doesn't seem like a reality.
Maybe I should be asking my readers to pray with me. Maybe we should all be in deep introspection. I find that people are terrible at writing about the joys of singledom. It's like a royal valley, and the longer you are there, the more you can understand the creases of yourself -- I think the idea of a relationship starts to make less and less sense the longer you are single.
Should I Be Single?
The sinking suspicion may have got you in the heart too. You may have noticed you smile, you express yourself best, and you conquer more when you have only yourself to attend to.
So how do you know if it's a state you should keep going with for... forever? I don't know if you have to make that kind of commitment to yourself.
You don't have to date anyone unless you want to do so. I think it's best to not go looking for love, but mind your own business as a priority. And if someone ends up coming along, that's a luxury for you. You don't need to force a luxury. That's where marital problems will reveal themselves down the road. Take your time. Know that you're being single is valuable. If someone is trying to date you, it needs to either match that value or be of greater value to your life.
So how can you tell that you should.... stay single?
- You find yourself having existential crises frequently from social interactions. Perhaps staying in your own introverted world, where you can escape to fantasize, to use your imagination, and go to the ends of the earth is a better match for you. Sometimes confronting the shared reality of others only results in confusion, misunderstanding, and weirdness. You know the truth about yourself: you are wonderful. So why is this world so confusing, and why does it seem less interesting than your own private world?
- You find yourself enjoying life better when you go solo than when you are paired.
- You don't mind doing most activities by yourself, including eating, shopping, taking care of the bills, having pets, working out, listening to music, going to concerts, sex, going downtown, hitting a bar with your friends.
- You enjoy freedom more than social obligations.
- You enjoy how you compliment yourself more than anyone else compliments you. You find yourself saying "I know" rather than "Thank you" when someone tells you that you're attractive.
- You find that relationships are usually the worst part of your life.
- Relationships to you are like extra fat.
- You may have a positive view on relationships but everyone around you that you've tried to date, just seems mean, has a really negative outlook on life, or is altogether into despair.
- It's not that you find yourself unlovable, you just find the extent of a relationship to be less satisfying than traveling the world, you prefer going to school to further yourself, or growing in your spiritual life.
- You find that even though kissing is fun, it doesn't define you. It isn't necessary to survive.
- You'd rather spend time growing yourself. You'd rather learn a language, learn how to write, learn more about music, and learn how to skydive.
- You're not motivated to put in the effort it takes to have a healthy relationship. You want to do the bare minimum, you want it to flow and be spontaneous, but you don't want to further it with plans and commitments.
- You feel like you've heard it all before, and nothing is really going to excite you anymore.
- You are at a dance club, and you'd rather dance by yourself than with someone else.
- You feel 100% satisfied when you think you're pretty, and it does nothing to you when someone thinks you're attractive. You just want to be pretty for yourself, and could care less what someone else thinks about your looks, even a partner. Especially a partner. To the point it's weird.
- You are never fully comfortable showing how weird you are, how talented, how bizarre -- you hold back a lot because you feel like fully showing yourself will make the other person weirded out. You have a feeling that if someone had to live with you, it would be difficult because your creative, expressive self is cooking up nonsense at all hours, and isn't always pleasant.
- You don't like all the standards and systems people say make a relationship work. You jumped ship a long time ago and are thinking outside the box.
- You find more appeal in being celibate and being monk like than being the next A-list Hollywood couple.
- You get a better high from using your brain than spending an entire weekend with someone else.
- You feel too grounded in a relationship, to the point of being oppressed.
- You're not sure how to mix your modest and sexual ways into one person in the public eye, when you know you're a mix of both.
- You don't really cry over break ups.
- You enjoy entertaining yourself far too much, from going to movies by yourself to creating the next musical composition for a feature length film. You don't have much room for someone to come with you.
- You've been burnt by so many relationships that you are questioning whether there is such a thing as a healthy relationship.
- You have such a big delicious brain, that it is really hard to feel like someone is actually compatible.
- You have doubts all the time and cold feet when it comes to someone else. You feel relieved when the relationship is done.
- You fantasize about going away to be by yourself.
- You're happy hiding from the world for a week, a month, six months, a year.
- You think more about your career than you do a long, lasting relationship.
- You've never felt satisfied in a relationship.
- You don't think you believe in romantic love.
- You do believe in romantic love, but you're not really sure what it is or if it honestly matters.
- You find romantic gestures cheesy and sex too dirty.
- When you picture yourself on your best vacations, it's usually just you.... flying solo. Forever. To the moon and back.
- You would rather spend all your time working and improving your self than spending time working with someone on their personal problems. You don't find most people who are interested in dating capable of being independent.
- You would rather focus on your family than build a new family outside of it.
- You have a difficult career path that will pull you all over the globe, and there isn't much room to have someone tag-along with you.
- You find yourself having the most growth when you fuel the energy on your own rather than with someone next to you.
- Support isn't something you're interested in having.
- You find yourself when you are alone, not when you are with others.
Take it in Stride
No one is required to have a relationship to live, but you are required to be an individual. It can make things much clearer when you are by yourself, you can enjoy your friends, your family, your interests, the spaces between your toes. You were born into this world as one being and you will die that way. At the end of the day, everyone is automatically single -- and some people get a +1.
Relationships are complicated and can easily muddy up your life. Not everybody is meant to a have a relationship, and no relationship that is unhealthy is worth ruining your life. You want to be as strong as you can, as independent as you can, and to be able to go after your own personal goals as much as you possibly can. Dig deep into who you are and don't let someone prevent you from revealing the mystery of yourself to yourself. You are beautiful just the way you are. Love yourself. Love your own heart. If someone comes along...... then so be it. But you never, ever have to force it.