Signs Your Partner Went Back to their Ex
The Ex Never Left the Picture
For many in the dating game, it is their worst nightmare. For whatever reason, your partner in crime decided to go backward and reconnect with their ex. Maybe they had unresolved feelings or they never truly broke up, but the gist is -- they are back together and you are now the one with the broken heart.
I've dated a guy who broke up with his girlfriend multiple times while trying to get closer to me. I wasn't aware this was happening at the time.
I was suspicious from the beginning and disregarded my intuition, replacing it with building trust. I figured, sure there is a reason or two to keep in contact with your ex, but after picking up some clues on Facebook, I knew he had officially gone back to her. It explicitly said they were in a relationship -- I had been making out with this guy, he moved to another state, and then her Facebook said she was in a relationship with him? He of course didn't make this information public.
And let me tell you it was strange talking to him afterward, a lot of admitting to his own mess and feeling sad things had to end with me, including the friendship. He was sad and guilty he was caught. He was sad that we were no longer a thing.
He was the clear mess in the fall out. He was the one really needing a helping hand to guide him through tough emotional waters. But it was not my hand that needed to go in there and make a difference. This isn't the kind of breakup where you hold on. This is the kind where you let go. They have to fend for themselves emotionally, or they'll just have emotional co-dependency with you. Is that the kind of relationship you want?
So I stopped contacting him. He moved to another state. I was free, but I was in a lot of pain with heartbreak and also withdrawals.... for the connection that was (even if it was a lie, and I was used, and I was cheated with and on) it all still made an imprint on me. I'd have random daydreams that we'd be kissing all over again. I really need to process this booger out, and without him.
The no contact rule was a grace for me to grieve and rebuild, without him being there to scare me all over again. Sure, his ex didn't follow the no contact rule, but I guarantee since he has so much emotional confusion and indecision -- she isn't going to have it easy, and they probably won't last either. Even if this just confirmation bias or stroking my own ego. Maybe one day I can update this with where they are. Wouldn't that be nice?
Signs Your Partner Has Gone back to their Ex
1. You feel like time is being split up. You feel the connection isn't focused, you know they spend too much time together and it doesn't feel plutonic. You should always listen to your intuition, unlike what I did. Your gut is smarter than you give it credit. And remember -- stay kind and classy.
2. Facebook stalk. Try not to get addicted to this and don't jump to conclusions with the first thing you see. Just keep tabs and see how it is going -- is she following your new interest a little too much? Are their comments no longer in a friendly territory? Does his ex seem hopelessly in love with your new partner? And the big one -- did one day you look on her profile and it said he was in a relationship with him???
3. He mentions her name with too much of a halo around it. The reasons he says they broke up seem to change randomly. He still seems to be processing it, leaving little room for him to process the new relationship.
4. Your new girlfriend is jealous of every interaction you have, because deep down she doesn't trust people because she's not trustable. Extremely jealous people are jealous more because of their deeds than yours.
5. When you work odd hours or weekends, they instead hangout with their ex.
6. They accidentally call you by their ex's name.
7. They have to leave to make frequent phone calls, and you discover it is their ex. They often seemed burdened and like they should help.
8. The time that they stopped dating her and started dating you was too short, and they didn't have a chance to grieve a breakup. You have to grieve broken relationships, otherwise you'll be dating someone and grieving at the same time, making for an inevitable mess.
9. They buy their ex more expensive gifts than you. They still have vacation plans with them to travel the world. Who does that?
10. Inconsistent off and on connection. He doesn't seem focused.... at all.
11. He out loud compares the two of you, as if you are cars and have competing features with different deals. You should never feel this way.
12. You find odd things at their place, things that let you know someone else was there romantically. Like a hair clip or a shirt you have never worn.
13. They don't like going to your place, but if they do, they seem awkward or uncomfortable there. You guys should have the same connection at both of your places, with minute variation.
14. The age difference between you and your boyfriend is much larger than the one he has with his ex.
15. You never go out into town together for fear that he'll run into someone.
16. His favorite date is hanging out at his place watching tv with minimal discussion about feelings. And touching your body.
17. Your partner being overly concerned that you are seeing someone else, when you very clearly are not.
18. No talks of what the future might look like. You don't talk about the future because there isn't one, or he is using that energy on someone else.
19. Doesn't use a clear definition of the word "friend." A friend could be anything from a dog, his ex, a co-worker, you, his mom, the television. They have a hard time knowing what are the boundaries of a friendship without going passionate.
20. She sometimes disappears over the weekend and you have to pry her to get details about where she went, with whom, and why. She likely doesn't want you to know where she went and why.
21. They broke up on ambiguous, amicable terms. It was a weird breakup, and sudden therefore they might want each other back.
22. Your boyfriend obviously has unresolved emotional issues from the past that they are dealing with that go beyond normal baggage and instead they don't have a clear enough head... with a clean room in there for you.
23. Nostalgia for the past relationship is unusually high. Why are you so nostalgic? Are you missing your girlfriend? Why?
24. They seem to be confused about who they are dating, who is the friend, and what it is they want.
25. When you discuss the past, the way they talk about the timeline of their past relationship varies and reasons for what happened are inconsistent.
26. Many of the same things he compliments you about... he also says about her.
27. You have never met his ex. He doesn't seem to want you two in the same space sharing info. You guys are not friends for a reason.
28. He often slips up and makes a rude comment or two, because he isn't emotionally invested in supporting you nor knows what he wants.
© 2016 Andrea Lawrence