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Signs That "He" Is Married

Updated on June 19, 2013
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Is He Married?

If you want to find out if a man is married - ask him! If you are too shy, maybe you could send him a note?

If you already asked him and you still aren't certain if he is married perhaps you should go ahead and move on. If you must give this man the benefit of the doubt for some reason, here are some sure fire ways to tell if your date is already married to someone else.

If he is always coming up with excuses for why your relationship isn't progressing beyond clandestine meetings, you might have concerns that he could be married. If you ask and he begins to stutter or quickly changes the subject, he might be married.

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The Obvious Signs

There are a few obvious signs that men are married. A wedding ring or a tan line where a wedding ring usually is can be a clue. This may be easy to cover though with tanning beds and there are men who wear jewelry. If they wear a signature ring on that finger - it could be because he only wears that one when he takes the wedding ring off.

Married men have difficulty explaining what they do with their time when they aren't with you. If he fumbles or corrects himself or calls you "Becky" all the time and your name is Rhoda), he might be married.

If he only meets or calls you in the middle of the night - he might be married.

If he only calls you while he is in the car - he might be married.

If he always leaves the room when he takes a phone call - he might be married.

If "something came up" happens a lot - he might be married.

If he doesn't give you his number and insists on just calling you - he might be married.

If your new boyfriend picks you up in a different car sometimes - it might be because he is driving his wife's car.


Is He Your Under Cover Lover?

Source

The Not So Obvious Signs

Married men do not want you to know where they work. Unless they work with you. They will never invite you to meet them for lunch at their office or invite you to work parties. They already know they will be dumping you when the party is over so they don't want you to be able to call them crying at their job and embarrass them. Married men try to give you as little information as possible so that you can't harm them with it later.

If he says you can never come to his place because he has a "room mate." Great cover - the room mate story. If he blames the roomie for lots of his screw ups - it might be his wife.

Married men will talk about their friends and family but you will never meet them. He will always have reason that you didn't get to meet them while in town or why he has to go home for the holidays alone.

Married men won't be as likely to use a credit card. They will always pay in cash so they don't leave a paper trail.

Married men are always about separating business and pleasure and will tell you their job is boring. They won't want you to worry your pretty little head about big business. They also won't want the office staff gossipping about the "boss's" newest conquest so calling him on the job might get tongues wagging.

If your new boyfriend says he works for the CIA or he is an "Undercover Agent" of some sort - he just might be married.


What to do?

First of all, it would be confusing because when you get right down to it...are you cheating with him or is he cheating with you? What about that wife of his? How dare she sleep with YOUR boyfriend?

If you think your boyfriend could be married and you get the feeling that he is lying to you about something - there probably is some sort of problem that he obviously can't explain easily. If he just keeps making excuses and telling little lies you might want to toss that fish back into the sea and cast your net a little wider.

"Someone who thinks the whole world is always cheating him is right. He is missing that wonderful feeling of trust in someone or something." ~Eric Hoffer

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  • billybuc profile image

    Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

    I think tossing that fish back in the water is most definitely the best move. Any excuse that is flimsy is reason to be concerned; no honesty, no openness, no relationship. :)

  • Austinstar profile image

    Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

    Don't forget the other side of the coin. Some cheaters seek out married women to cheat with. That makes them both even/steven, right?

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    I totally agree Bill. If a woman is constantly questioning what a man is telling her - there is usually a reason for that. Also - if you don't feel like you trust him then find one you do trust. Who needs a lifetime of that?

    Thanks so much!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    True Lela! I was thinking about that too - some guys have wives that just don't care - but if YOU do and you're not that open then they might lie about that? Yah! lol Thank you!

  • TToombs08 profile image

    Terrye Toombs 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

    Great hub, Kelly! Very helpful for ladies dating guys that seem to be acting just a little 'off.' Been there, done that, ain't going back. ;)

  • davenmidtown profile image

    David Stillwell 4 years ago from Sacramento, California

    7.1 Billion people in the world... just let the complicated ones go... A great hub!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey Terrye! I've had a few guys that lied a little about that:) I mean of course I'm sure they WERE going to get that divorce but I always say "it isn't over until its over." Lol.

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Dave! Thanks I had fun with this one too:) kept thinking about how if my husband were cheating - I'd catch him! LOL

  • Just Ask Susan profile image

    Susan Zutautas 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

    "Married men won't be as likely to use a credit card. They will always pay in cash so they don't leave a paper trail." I had to laugh as at Christmastime this year I'd gone into a store and bought Al a gift and forgot to pay for it with cash and debited it. He called me that day and said to me "What did you buy me for Christmas at The Source".... It was one of those opps moments.

    Great Hub. I too have been there and am so glad that I'm happily married. But you never know what can happen down the road.

  • drbj profile image

    drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

    Hi, Kelly. Outstanding suggestions. Here is another: If the gentleman in question is Caucasian and wears socks that always match, he may be married . In Caucasian societies, one in ten men are color blind. So he may be getting help in the sock-matching department.

    Caution, if he is an Eskimo, this test is not valid cause only one in one hundred Eskimo men are color blind. Just sayin'.

  • prasetio30 profile image

    prasetio30 4 years ago from malang-indonesia

    Very inspiring hub. Maybe I'm to shy to open my heart with "someone". But I must change myself. I got new motivation after reading this hub. Voted up!

    Prasetio

  • Ruchira profile image

    Ruchira 4 years ago from United States

    Such a hilarious hub, Kelly.

    My husband does not wear a ring and comes across such issues frequently...lol

    Gotta make him read this..lol

    Loved it.

    Voted up and funny.

  • Melovy profile image

    Yvonne Spence 4 years ago from UK

    This is my favourite line: "If he only meets or calls you in the middle of the night - he might be married." Loved it! Hilarious, though of course you do also make many serious points, and yes, toss that fish back in the sea!

  • Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

    Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago

    Interesting and thought-provoking. I am married now, but many years ago I went out with a guy who took me to a restaurant and the waiter knew him by name and "accidentally" mentioned seeing him there the night before with a woman and children. Needless to say we did not go out see each other again!

  • fpherj48 profile image

    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Kelly....ohhhhh.....spooky. Can we all say, "Scott Peterson?" I think you did a fabulous job on this hub...not to mention a necessary service to single women everywhere. There is no such thing as being too careful or too inquisitive.

    Fortunately.....in this day & time, of all info at our fingertips....it's very difficult for people to remain mysterious.

    How about we figure that a good rule of thumb, is.....Assume he's married, until he can prove otherwise? LOL... You gave some unavoidable red flags to watch for. Let's hope that you get through to the single ladies out there!!.....UP+++

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey Susan! I have that issue...Dave watches our bank account like a hawk! He does it all online and keeps the screen up most of the day. He says he tracks me by my debit purchases:) LOL I have to ATM cash so he can't figure out where I was shopping for his gifts!

    Yeah, I think I am past the gray divorce area with Dave too...he is stuck with me!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    hahahahaha DRBJ! Why didn't I think of that? You are genius. Dave is colored blind...in fact, I think the poor dude is pattern blind also. lol I still dress him...so yeah, his socks match!

    Thank you so much for adding that clever bit!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Oh pras...you are so sweet!! I am shocked someone didn't snatch you up by now...pity!

    Thank you so much!

  • profile image

    lovedoctor926 4 years ago

    Awesome, useful and very interesting hub..

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey Ruchira! That is funny...I thought of that post publishing..some guys never wear a ring! They make up ridiculous excuses such as, "working with equipment all day - it could catch and rip my finger off! Dangerous!" lol

    Ok maybe that was what my ex used to say:) LOL

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey Melovey - oh I had fun with this one:) I was being sort of sarcastic serious...haha

    Yes true though - if you can't get a feeling like you trust them when they leave the house - well it's gonna be a painful life. I say, be with someone who doesn't give you creepy feelings - that's the right guy!

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Oh my Glimmer Twin! That waiter did you a favor, right? You just never know sometimes. I am fascinated by those cases where they find out the husband had two wives and two families for several years before getting caught? How does that happen?! Hey - hope the dinner was at least delicious! lol

  • Alastar Packer profile image

    Alastar Packer 4 years ago from North Carolina

    Haha this was great fun Kelly. I've seen dudes pull their wed bands off at the bar- how amateurish! They must not have been boy scouts lest they would have kept to heart the motto "Be prepared." Hey btw, that CIA line works pretty well if you look the part. Aw, you know Ap is joshin', kind of lol. Enjoyed this Kelly and to turn the tables a bit, if a man has a date show up with a hand gun and on being asked why says in case a certain someone shows up, well, she might be married!

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey Paula - thank you so much! I worked for a few lawyers so I ran across lots of these kinds of stories. The guy is super sneaky and the wife doesn't find out for a while?

    I was one outside a closing in a real estate deal...a couple was getting married and buying the house pre-marriage - well when they brought him the waiver he needed to sign that he was current on his child support? Well it was a huge suprise to the fiance who had no clue he had ever been married or had a child. The deal fell through. Hmm!

    You mention Scott Peterson and I just saw an interview of Amber on t.v. the other night! That was on my mind when I wrote this! Almost even added - if he says he can't spend Christmas with you because he is in Paris?

  • fpherj48 profile image

    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Damn! Kelly....I left a comment here earlier today. I don't know what's wrong with me...Lately I've been leaving comments and apparently, I'm forgetting to POST it. Gosh! Here I go again

    This is a great article and gives some really vital advice to single women everywhere. Seems to me, a woman cannot be too careful and has every right to do some background investigating.

    Can we all say, "Scott Peterson?" Talk about lies and unfortunate situations....can you imagine....finding out that the man you are falling in love with, is not only married.....but he killed his pregnant wife?

    Now, that's a lesson in point, if ever there was!...UP+++

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Nope nope Paula it isn't you dear - it's me! Mine are set up so they have to be approved and I have been running behind for a few days! Thank you SO much again though for checking up. I was just settling in to catch up myself!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey lovedoctor926 - thank you so much! This was a fun one to do:)

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    haha That is so true Alastar! Hey good to see ya:)

    You just reminded me of this one guy - he lived down the street and everyone knew that when he went "fishing" for the weekend - he wasn't fishing! When he "returned" from his little fishing trip - he would stop in the store and buy fish that was aleady cleaned but raw...OMG! His wife was the only one on the block who didn't know his fish was coming from Schucks:) hahaha

  • GusTheRedneck profile image

    Gustave Kilthau 4 years ago from USA

    Doggone it, Kelly (RealHousewife) I had to read this hub when I saw that our good buddy, drbj, had commented. (Comments are great to go to first so that you know right away if a hub is worth a read...)

    Then I read all the article and the many funny lines within it, but the comments were also totally great reading. But then, when I was all done with everything, I felt a little saddened. My bride and I missed out on all of this stuff. "Too late now,buster," she says.

    What do you suppose she might be thinking at this late date? :-)

    Gus :-)))

  • fpherj48 profile image

    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Oh Phew! I'm so glad it's not me! Thanks for clearing that up for me. It's tough enough losing my car keys, looking all over the house for my glasses.......forgetting appointments, banging my head, trying to remember someone's name!

    I need all the consolation I can get! LOL

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey Gus! Thanks so much! I love Drbj...she is one of the funniest and most clever writers!

    Gus, no matter what you know your bride loves you "just the way you are!" HAha:). I get the craziest ideas for hub articles but in all the sarcasm I do try to be helpful:) hahaha. Yes, I'm full of it!

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey don't worry, I know just what you're saying. I'm the one who has to ask other people to make sure my clothes are all on forward and I look normal:) lol. I'm scared not only will I throw my shirt on inside out but maybe I'm wearing my pants backward? So hard to tell these days!

  • Alastar Packer profile image

    Alastar Packer 4 years ago from North Carolina

    Innocence is always the last to smell something rotten in Denmark!

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    He'll to the yes Alastar! Lol

  • jellygator profile image

    jellygator 4 years ago from USA

    I got suspicious of a guy I dated briefly and he brought his divorce papers to prove he was divorced. I wasn't convinced, and stopped seeing him. I'm married to one of his coworkers now, who he introduced me to, and it turned out he was married the whole time. What tangled webs we weave!

  • dialogue profile image

    dialogue 4 years ago

    Well written hub with lots of good information.

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Oh are you serious jellygator?! Wow, that's pretty slick of him.

    I knew this girl once who was really good with computer graphics...and this guy paid her about 300 bucks to reproduce his cell phone bill, removing only the numbers his girlriend called from:) OMG! She did a pretty good job too - this was about 15 years ago when you'd get your hard copy in the mail and this guy's wife was checking his. It seems like such a desparate measure for a guy who is cheating!

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi dialogue and thank you so much!

  • tammyswallow profile image

    Tammy 4 years ago from North Carolina

    Wow! You dove deep into some scenarios I would have never considered. It is a shame this occurs so much. I think if people want to be free from their relationships, they should just be honest and move on. Excellent ideas here!

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Tammy...shhh...ive had a few married guys hit on me...but I would NEVER! no, uh uh. Gosh that would make me nervous just to think about it! I have worked with some charmers for sure though...I took notes too! I was working at this diner one time and the boss was just GROSS and his wife went out of town one weekend. He asks me "would i like to come over - he needed a friend." I took my apron off and said "you need a friend? get a dog!"

    My mom still laughs her butt off about that!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Whenever I date someone that talks about his roommates and the story seems suspicious, he is usually referring to his parents and he is too broke to get his own place. Hahaha... that is pretty bad, too. Thanks for the info! Can't trust a man!

  • Karen Hellier profile image

    Karen Hellier 4 years ago from Georgia

    Loved the video you have added on here. Really added to the hub. Voted up and interesting.

  • Alphadogg16 profile image

    Kevin W 4 years ago from Texas

    Wow.....very interesting hub....but talking about family & not meeting them isn't a bad thing, I'm a single parent/never been married and always talk about my kids, but unless the relationship is extremely serious/I see a future, they will never meet them, I don't bring my kids around everyone I date.

  • vertualit profile image

    Abdus Salam 4 years ago from Bangladesh

    very informative and useful hub. thanks

  • moonlake profile image

    moonlake 4 years ago from America

    Sometimes none of the above works to find out if a man is married. In this day and age the internet is a great tool for single women. Voted up and interesting.

  • LongTimeMother profile image

    LongTimeMother 4 years ago from Australia

    Why am I suddenly feeling sorry for poor single men who work for the CIA, can't introduce you to their workmates, and spend a lot of time out of town? lol.

  • DDE profile image

    Devika Primić 4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

    The signs if he is married doesn't often show but with this hub so well stated one can easily know

  • Sue Bailey profile image

    Susan Bailey 4 years ago from South Yorkshire, UK

    Nice mixture of humour and common sense tips. I think I'm going to stay on my own forever though!

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    You know Sue...that has lots of perks too! And sounds quiet:)) haha Thank you!!

  • AmandaJon profile image

    Amanda Jones 4 years ago

    Great hub Kelly. Very helpful and informative for women who fell into this trap of love. You've enumerate so many signs how to find out if he's married that these men have no change to fool us women any longer. This relationship is doomed to fail.

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Thanks AmandaJon!

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