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Signs that you are dating a cheater

Updated on August 22, 2014

What Every Relationship Needs

Trust, loyalty and respect are the most important aspects of a good and healthy relationship and if you don't have that then you cannot be in the relationship.

Many of us are sceptical about relationships and there is a greater number of divorced families then before which could lead to your own trust issues in future relationships. A bad relationship can change your outlook on relationships and a truly hurtful thing to do and have done to you is to be cheated on.

How would you know if your partner is cheating on you?

It is easy to figure out and our extra senses let us know when we are being lied to or cheated on.

If you need to question whether your partner is cheating on you then this is already a problem because you have got to have trust for a relationship to be strong and successful. By questioning whether your boyfriend or girlfriend is a cheater than you need to question your relationship altogether.

Cheating causes broken hearts
Cheating causes broken hearts

Do you have trust issues and why?

Many of us have had problems in relationships before or we simply come from a home that has been broken by adultery or break ups that led to family members being hurt.

This is a natural way to make you feel insecure in any relationship that you might have in the future.

People who have been hurt are more cautious when it comes to finding a partner and they do not take any kind of nonsense. The law is laid down as soon as they begin dating and the partner either accepts it this way or moves on quickly.

For those that have been cheated on before it is easy to assume that everyone you date is a cheater but you need to rid yourself of your trust issues before you get into a serious relationship or allow your partner in so that they can understand your pain and issues to help make your relationship stronger.

When you come from a past that has had hurt and pain it leads you to feel insecure and the only way to get out of this is to find a partner that you feel safe with and that deep in your heart you know that you can trust.

A good partner will understand your issues and help you through it with patience and open communication at all times.

A bad relationship is one that is filled with lies from the very beginning and if you have one lie then this will be the end of the trust for you, so it is best to move on and find a new and better partner.

How can you get rid of your issues?

The only way to rid your issues is to talk them out and work through them day by day. This is why when selecting a partner, you need to know that they will understand you and they will co-operate with your needs.


Broken hearts caused by cheating can be mended
Broken hearts caused by cheating can be mended

Why do people cheat?

People cheat because it is in their nature to do so. The way that you have been brought up depends on how you will behave when you are older.

Cheaters are usually people that have come from good homes but never learned about consequence and responsibility. When they did something wrong, they were never told that it was wrong and continued to do so, getting away with it each and every time.

Lies and deceptive behaviour become adrenalin rushes because they have been able to get away with wrong doing and when they are older, it takes its toll.

For others it is because they were in a relationship with someone that cheated on them and for some reason the cheated become the cheaters....not in all cases but it does happen.

They do this to avoid being hurt first and do not realise that they will be hurting someone that they love, just like it was done to them.

Lonely and insecure people in a relationship can also cheat because they are weak and are often caught at the wrong moment, there is always a predator waiting for a vulnerable person!

Alcohol can also lead to people cheating because it makes one tend to forget their inhibitions and without thinking the deed is done.

The difference is that if someone really and truly loves you and has made a mistake they will approach you and let you know that they are sorry for what has happened.

A true cheater thinks that they can get away with it and they are not sorry for doing this unless they are caught but it is guaranteed that they will do it again.

How would you react to a cheater?

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Signs of a cheater

Asking a partner if they have cheated means that you will never get an honest answer because an honest partner will be sorry and tell you before you have to ask.

The answer a cheater will give you is "I would never cheat on you, I swear on ....life."

There is a way to see if they are lying and you will see the signs if you know how to read them.

Firstly take a look into their eyes and ask the question. If they look away to the left it means that they are being untruthful.

You can also tell by the body language and if they are tapping or restless when you ask then you are not getting an honest answer.

Changing the subject or getting defensive is also a sign that your partner is cheating.

A partner that never answers their phone and never lets you use their phone along with getting messages or calls late or early morning, is a simple sign that something is wrong.

Here are a few other signs:

He/she has to leave the room when they get a call

The phone and computer is password protected and you are never able to use it

Late night drinks get later and later with a scent of perfume or cologne that belongs to neither of you when they get home

No physical contact which could mean less than twice a month

A lack of interest or excuses not to want to spend time with you

A change in behavioural patterns; A new drink that suddenly came from nowhere

A new saying that he/she has never before dreamt of saying

Sudden interest in friends that you have never met

Interest in someone new and insisting that you be nice and him/her over

Take a look at the clothes that come home from the gym or work to see if there are traces of another person

A cheater is someone that has ease on lying, stealing or denying something that you have already caught them out with

Extra work or overtime often

If you call and he/she calls you back check for background noises.

Should there be someone that is too familiar with your partner then take a close look at how he/she reacts to them.

If someone has been intimate there is a closeness and comfortable aura which you would be able to see

Being in a relationship that has trust will not bring you to tears
Being in a relationship that has trust will not bring you to tears

What to do if you have been cheated on

There are many things that come to mind but none of them very sane ideas so for those who have been cheated on the only solution to this is to get out quickly!!

Once a partner has cheated on you, they have broken your trust and you will never be able to trust them again. Therapists can work through it with you and you can both try to work on it but you will never fully trust your partner again.

Once you have found out that you have been cheated as you will be the last person to find out, don't feel bad!

It is a humiliating experience but the person that cheats is actually the one that will suffer in the end.

If you have been cheated on then the only solution to this is to be strong and to understand that you are far better than that and there is someone out there that will love you and cherish you and be faithful to you......so MOVE ON!

Should you be in a long term relationship and your partner has approached you to let you know that they have cheated then you could try to work on your marriage or relationship but the truth is that you will never fully be able to trust completely again and unless you want to attach yourself to the hip of your partner your relationship will never fully recover.

Although they are sorry for doing it to you, you will always have in the back of your mind that it happened and every time your partner is away from you or runs out for a call, you will think that something is going on.

For peace of mind.....leave the relationship and start a new life, even if you forgive and keep your partner as a friend rather, walk away.

People who cheat

Self absorbed egotist
weak, insecure and lonely
drunk and stupid
Doesn't care about anyone
Can't say no
Alcoholic party animal
Will get a rush having a secret
Gets a thrill if someone looks his way
Under educated and overly social
It is just what they do, human nature
Vulnerable and disconnected from their spouse
irresponsible

Signs that you are dating a cheater

They show no interet in you both physically or emotionally

Calls made or answered are done alone and away from you

Late night messages or calls are suspicious

Drinks at the office get later and later

The scent of cologne or perfume that does not belong to either of you

A change in personality or characteristics

A new found interest in something or someone

You have caught them out in a lie and they deny it

Alcohol and party animals with no sense of responsibility

Cheaters in Marriage

If you have been in a marriage for many years and you have a family and you have built a life with someone, cheating can damage every single member of your family.

It is extremely difficult to understand cheating by someone that has been your life for so long.

The truth is that sometimes it is because a partner feels lonely, unattractive or lacks communication that allows them to let you know what they want and feel.

In most cases it is caused by a mid life crisis when a partner feels as though their lives have rushed on by and they turn to something that will make them feel young again.

This is why many men go for the bike or sports car that they always wanted, turn away from responsibilities of home life and they feel a need to be recognised by younger women in order to prove to themselves that they still have it.

Sadly for the spouse it is a heartbreaking and confusing time that usually ends up with a broken home full of hurt and pain.

It is not only the men that cheat but women too and in many cases it is because they are neglected, taken for granted and made to feel unattractive.

A vulnerable and lonely spouse can be led astray by someone that will give them the attention that they desire and deserve.

Marriages that have a cheater sometimes often try to get over it and work through it for the sake of children and avoiding disruption in their lives but the truth is that it will never fully recover and you will never forget the hurt and humiliation.

Therapy and riding the storm will often work temporarily but once someone cheats and breaks your heart you will have no peace and it is best to end it before it eats you up inside.

Love is unconditional but it is also based on trust, if you do not have this, then you cannot have a relationship.

For the Cheaters

Cheating is a terrible thing to have done to you or to do to someone that loves you.

Before you cheat think of how weak you really are and remember that the person you are hurting is the person that has loved you unconditionally, will do anything for you and in every relationship there is arguments and trouble to face but cheating is not the answer.

If you find that your relationship is dull or lonely than you need to communicate with your partner and let them know exactly what you want.... you will be surprised that your partner will be willing to try.

A quick and exciting moment that makes you feel amazing and gives you a sense of freedom, will eventually cost you a lifetime of pain and loneliness.

A family can be broken in pieces by your one weak moment.

Loving someone means that you need to let them go if you cannot be faithful and loyal to them.

For those that cheat because you can and you get a rush out of the secrecy or adventure, remember that you are taking down another human being that loves you and the secret will eventually come out to haunt you.


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    • chakravarthyds profile image

      Chakravarthy D S 2 years ago from India

      A comprehensive post touching every aspect of cheating a life partner.

      Looking into their eyes, while asking, could be the best way to find a cheater.

      You may find an evidence later, but at that moment, you certainly get a confirmation that they are cheating.

      Tashaonthetown, Thanks for the post.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      Cheaters cheat for a variety of reasons. Some people are "incessant cheaters" who have never been monogamous in any long-term relationship. Some have caved into temptation when the "right opportunity" presented itself. And others actually blame their mate for causing them to be open to cheating. These people believe if their mates had not neglected them, mistreated them, or took them for granted they would have never cheated.

      Cheaters aren't looking to go through a breakup or a messy divorce. The goal of most cheaters is to (hold onto) their primary relationship while addressing their other needs on the side. If they get caught they may well end up going through a breakup or divorce. However cheaters don't expect to be caught!

      Know yourself, love yourself, and trust yourself. If something doesn't feel right to you it's probably not right for you.

      If you don't trust your mate or you're unhappy being with them then move on. Most cheating suspicions arise when our mate makes sudden changes in behavior that we dislike. If we were to find out they aren't cheating but the behavior remained we would not jump for joy!

      Finding out your mate is cheating simply gives one an "explanation" of why there is a change in behavior. In some instances some people (need) their mate to cheat or abuse them in some way in order to give themselves "permission" to walk away from a toxic/unhappy relationship. Simply being "unhappy" is not enough of a reason for them.

      One final note when a man is finally able to afford his dream car, bike or whatever it is he's accused of going through a "mid-life crisis". Very few guys could afford a $60k Corvette when they were in their 20s! "Mid-life Awakenings" and having "Bucket lists" are about making the most out of what time we have left on this planet. In a loving relationship we should encourage one another to fulfill dreams. Life is a personal journey.

    • Tashaonthetown profile image
      Author

      Natasha Pelati 2 years ago from South Africa

      Thank you for your great input!

      I also find that it is not only men but women that get to an age where they want the things that they could not afford when they were younger, they get to a stage where it feels as if life is going fast and they have not fulfilled their dreams or checked off their bucket list and this too changes behavioural patterns.

      Cheaters are in most cases people that do not want to get caught and yes they are in relationships too, the rush and the secrecy is exciting. It is spot on to say that if something doesn't feel right then it probably isn't!

      I think if I had to find out behavioural patterns changed and it was not about cheating then I would feel relieved and would accept it. Love is unconditional and we should support, encourage and make each other feel good. That is also a good point, that people in toxic relationships will try to find a reason to escape but in most cases, the cheated forgive and continue on.

    • sallybea profile image

      Sally Gulbrandsen 2 years ago from Norfolk

      Excellent Hub which covers all the bases on a subject which really strikes at the heart. The consequence of infidelity can be difficult to imagine but having once found yourself in this situation, you can be guaranteed to find that it will be a life changing and I don't mean in a good way. This does not mean just for the cheater and the cheated. It means for everyone you love or care about.

      What a shame that people don't comprehend this before they decide to cheat.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

      There are some things you just cannot undo and this is one of them. You covered just about all the bases here. I enjoyed reading.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 2 years ago from The Caribbean

      Tasha, you have given very helpful insights into the issue of cheating. "An honest partner will be sorry and tell you before you have to ask." I really like that. However, those men (or women) who think that their honesty will earn points to offset the infidelity should give up that idea. Great article, altogether and voted up!

    • Tashaonthetown profile image
      Author

      Natasha Pelati 2 years ago from South Africa

      Ms DOra - Absolutely apologising doesn't make it right either.

      Sallybea - it would be great if everyone could think about it before they take action to avoid hurting everyone and regretting it in their later years.

      Flourishanyway - it is something that cannot be undone and once there is a trust issue a relationship will never be the same.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      Long ago I once asked the following question: "Is sexual incompatibility enough of a reason to end a marriage?" Approximately 90% of the people responding said "no".

      This is also in the mindset of most (cheaters) as well! Whatever they feel is "missing" in their relationship/marriage is not worth abandoning it for. However the "cheater" is still not willing to "go without" those things.

      Cheaters aren't going to just "accept their lot in life". They're naturally selfish.

      I imagine if I'd asked: Would you rather your mate leave you or cheat on you?

      Most people would have said they rather their mate leave them. Therefore if he/she is contemplating cheating because they're sexually frustrated then these people would rather that person leave them (after all).

      Odds are high that an "unhappily married" person is going to be (open) to kindness, romance, and passion from another. Everyone wants to be appreciated and thought of as being special.

    • Tashaonthetown profile image
      Author

      Natasha Pelati 2 years ago from South Africa

      everyone does want to be appreciated, loved and adored and in many long term relationships partners tend to take each other for granted. They forget to compliment or converse as they would assume their partner is fine, however in most marriages at some stage someone is not happy either because they feel neglected or misunderstood but that does not give a person the right to cheat because they lack something. A good relationship with a solid partner can get through absolutely anything and they should be able to speak up and say when they feel sexually frustrated or neglected. Any unhappy person is going to be open to someones kindness but it is those who are strong and logical that do not give in. A cheater cheats because they can and they live in the world of "deny, deny, deny" thinking that they will always be able to get away with it and some don't know any better it was the way that they were raised for others that have a weak moment in a strong relationship....something somewhere went wrong and once there has been a cheat it is impossible to ever gsin back that trust that you gave to no one else but that partner.

      I would say it isn't a reason to leave a marriage but the chances of it working out in the future are almost impossible and for peace of mind, it would be better for the couple to split

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      You said: (neglect) "does not give a person (the right) to cheat because they lack something."

      I agree but it's really not about having a "right'. Monogamy and cheating are (choices). Marriage is like a garden which has to be tended to. Neglect it long enough and it will die. If there is no food in the house a person will go out to eat somewhere else. What upsets a lot of people though is when you're doing your best and you're still betrayed.

      Lots of people say; "Cheaters cheat because they can." However the truth of the matter is (we all can) if we (chose) to!

      It' not just about having an "opportunity" to cheat but having the "mindset" to cheat in my opinion. The first lie a cheater tells is to him/herself. Its what I call "the lie of justification".

      It might begin by having a "secret friend" online or at work that they confide their inner most feelings. At this point they tell themselves they're not doing anything "wrong" she/he is just a "friend" or "Just because I'm married does not mean I can't have (friends)!"

      Overtime they gradually become more "emotionally attached" as they come to believe "life has played a cruel trick on them". They're married but are "in love" someone else. They look at the cost of divorce both financially and emotionally especially if children are involved, their ties with in-laws and their standing in the community and it becomes too much to think about. And yet they can't see themselves "emotionally suffering" for the rest of their lives. The "friendship" becomes physical and at some point they get caught. The first thing he or she says, "We never planned for this happen." or "I made a (mistake)."

      However in truth the minute they formed a "secret friendship" to share their inner most feelings and thoughts is when they were headed down the wrong path. A "mistake" is something done "unintentionally" or by "accident". No one (unintentionally or accidentally) has sex!

      For some people cheating is about having the opportunity but for others who are "unhappy" I really do believe they consider it a better option for them than going through a divorce. Naturally they assume they won't be caught!

      Great topic!

    • Tashaonthetown profile image
      Author

      Natasha Pelati 2 years ago from South Africa

      Thank you! We could go on about this topic. You have hit it spot on with "secret firendships" social networking and having "friends" does have its problems as there is always someone waiting for the opportune moment to make a move. By confiding in a friend about problems that could be communicated to their spouse, they are opening the door already before anything has happened. Yes a good one is to say that "they never meant for it to happen" but truthfully, they did because the allowed interference from the start. Anyone of us can cheat and yes you are right it is not a mistake or accident it is a choice.

    • profile image

      Claudio 2 years ago

      or lack of wealth has nhtoing to do with narcissism. does not define The issue is not the fact that they cheat even though it causes major damage to the relationship. Believe it or not, there are worse things

    • Tashaonthetown profile image
      Author

      Natasha Pelati 2 years ago from South Africa

      Lack of wealth certainly has nothing to do with being a narcissist and there is a blog that I have done on that topic too! The issue of cheating is what the blog is about and how to read the signs, yes there are worse things but cheating on a partner makes you feel stupid and unloved, leaving you to feel insecure and hurt.

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