- Gender and Relationships
Signs that you are dating a cheater
What Every Relationship Needs
Trust, loyalty and respect are the most important aspects of a good and healthy relationship and if you don't have that then you cannot be in the relationship.
Many of us are sceptical about relationships and there is a greater number of divorced families then before which could lead to your own trust issues in future relationships. A bad relationship can change your outlook on relationships and a truly hurtful thing to do and have done to you is to be cheated on.
How would you know if your partner is cheating on you?
It is easy to figure out and our extra senses let us know when we are being lied to or cheated on.
If you need to question whether your partner is cheating on you then this is already a problem because you have got to have trust for a relationship to be strong and successful. By questioning whether your boyfriend or girlfriend is a cheater than you need to question your relationship altogether.
Do you have trust issues and why?
Many of us have had problems in relationships before or we simply come from a home that has been broken by adultery or break ups that led to family members being hurt.
This is a natural way to make you feel insecure in any relationship that you might have in the future.
People who have been hurt are more cautious when it comes to finding a partner and they do not take any kind of nonsense. The law is laid down as soon as they begin dating and the partner either accepts it this way or moves on quickly.
For those that have been cheated on before it is easy to assume that everyone you date is a cheater but you need to rid yourself of your trust issues before you get into a serious relationship or allow your partner in so that they can understand your pain and issues to help make your relationship stronger.
When you come from a past that has had hurt and pain it leads you to feel insecure and the only way to get out of this is to find a partner that you feel safe with and that deep in your heart you know that you can trust.
A good partner will understand your issues and help you through it with patience and open communication at all times.
A bad relationship is one that is filled with lies from the very beginning and if you have one lie then this will be the end of the trust for you, so it is best to move on and find a new and better partner.
How can you get rid of your issues?
The only way to rid your issues is to talk them out and work through them day by day. This is why when selecting a partner, you need to know that they will understand you and they will co-operate with your needs.
Why do people cheat?
People cheat because it is in their nature to do so. The way that you have been brought up depends on how you will behave when you are older.
Cheaters are usually people that have come from good homes but never learned about consequence and responsibility. When they did something wrong, they were never told that it was wrong and continued to do so, getting away with it each and every time.
Lies and deceptive behaviour become adrenalin rushes because they have been able to get away with wrong doing and when they are older, it takes its toll.
For others it is because they were in a relationship with someone that cheated on them and for some reason the cheated become the cheaters....not in all cases but it does happen.
They do this to avoid being hurt first and do not realise that they will be hurting someone that they love, just like it was done to them.
Lonely and insecure people in a relationship can also cheat because they are weak and are often caught at the wrong moment, there is always a predator waiting for a vulnerable person!
Alcohol can also lead to people cheating because it makes one tend to forget their inhibitions and without thinking the deed is done.
The difference is that if someone really and truly loves you and has made a mistake they will approach you and let you know that they are sorry for what has happened.
A true cheater thinks that they can get away with it and they are not sorry for doing this unless they are caught but it is guaranteed that they will do it again.
How would you react to a cheater?
Signs of a cheater
Asking a partner if they have cheated means that you will never get an honest answer because an honest partner will be sorry and tell you before you have to ask.
The answer a cheater will give you is "I would never cheat on you, I swear on ....life."
There is a way to see if they are lying and you will see the signs if you know how to read them.
Firstly take a look into their eyes and ask the question. If they look away to the left it means that they are being untruthful.
You can also tell by the body language and if they are tapping or restless when you ask then you are not getting an honest answer.
Changing the subject or getting defensive is also a sign that your partner is cheating.
A partner that never answers their phone and never lets you use their phone along with getting messages or calls late or early morning, is a simple sign that something is wrong.
Here are a few other signs:
He/she has to leave the room when they get a call
The phone and computer is password protected and you are never able to use it
Late night drinks get later and later with a scent of perfume or cologne that belongs to neither of you when they get home
No physical contact which could mean less than twice a month
A lack of interest or excuses not to want to spend time with you
A change in behavioural patterns; A new drink that suddenly came from nowhere
A new saying that he/she has never before dreamt of saying
Sudden interest in friends that you have never met
Interest in someone new and insisting that you be nice and him/her over
Take a look at the clothes that come home from the gym or work to see if there are traces of another person
A cheater is someone that has ease on lying, stealing or denying something that you have already caught them out with
Extra work or overtime often
If you call and he/she calls you back check for background noises.
Should there be someone that is too familiar with your partner then take a close look at how he/she reacts to them.
If someone has been intimate there is a closeness and comfortable aura which you would be able to see
What to do if you have been cheated on
There are many things that come to mind but none of them very sane ideas so for those who have been cheated on the only solution to this is to get out quickly!!
Once a partner has cheated on you, they have broken your trust and you will never be able to trust them again. Therapists can work through it with you and you can both try to work on it but you will never fully trust your partner again.
Once you have found out that you have been cheated as you will be the last person to find out, don't feel bad!
It is a humiliating experience but the person that cheats is actually the one that will suffer in the end.
If you have been cheated on then the only solution to this is to be strong and to understand that you are far better than that and there is someone out there that will love you and cherish you and be faithful to you......so MOVE ON!
Should you be in a long term relationship and your partner has approached you to let you know that they have cheated then you could try to work on your marriage or relationship but the truth is that you will never fully be able to trust completely again and unless you want to attach yourself to the hip of your partner your relationship will never fully recover.
Although they are sorry for doing it to you, you will always have in the back of your mind that it happened and every time your partner is away from you or runs out for a call, you will think that something is going on.
For peace of mind.....leave the relationship and start a new life, even if you forgive and keep your partner as a friend rather, walk away.
People who cheat
Self absorbed egotist
weak, insecure and lonely
drunk and stupid
Doesn't care about anyone
Can't say no
Alcoholic party animal
Will get a rush having a secret
Gets a thrill if someone looks his way
Under educated and overly social
It is just what they do, human nature
Vulnerable and disconnected from their spouse
Signs that you are dating a cheater
They show no interet in you both physically or emotionally
Calls made or answered are done alone and away from you
Late night messages or calls are suspicious
Drinks at the office get later and later
The scent of cologne or perfume that does not belong to either of you
A change in personality or characteristics
A new found interest in something or someone
You have caught them out in a lie and they deny it
Alcohol and party animals with no sense of responsibility
Cheaters in Marriage
If you have been in a marriage for many years and you have a family and you have built a life with someone, cheating can damage every single member of your family.
It is extremely difficult to understand cheating by someone that has been your life for so long.
The truth is that sometimes it is because a partner feels lonely, unattractive or lacks communication that allows them to let you know what they want and feel.
In most cases it is caused by a mid life crisis when a partner feels as though their lives have rushed on by and they turn to something that will make them feel young again.
This is why many men go for the bike or sports car that they always wanted, turn away from responsibilities of home life and they feel a need to be recognised by younger women in order to prove to themselves that they still have it.
Sadly for the spouse it is a heartbreaking and confusing time that usually ends up with a broken home full of hurt and pain.
It is not only the men that cheat but women too and in many cases it is because they are neglected, taken for granted and made to feel unattractive.
A vulnerable and lonely spouse can be led astray by someone that will give them the attention that they desire and deserve.
Marriages that have a cheater sometimes often try to get over it and work through it for the sake of children and avoiding disruption in their lives but the truth is that it will never fully recover and you will never forget the hurt and humiliation.
Therapy and riding the storm will often work temporarily but once someone cheats and breaks your heart you will have no peace and it is best to end it before it eats you up inside.
Love is unconditional but it is also based on trust, if you do not have this, then you cannot have a relationship.
For the Cheaters
Cheating is a terrible thing to have done to you or to do to someone that loves you.
Before you cheat think of how weak you really are and remember that the person you are hurting is the person that has loved you unconditionally, will do anything for you and in every relationship there is arguments and trouble to face but cheating is not the answer.
If you find that your relationship is dull or lonely than you need to communicate with your partner and let them know exactly what you want.... you will be surprised that your partner will be willing to try.
A quick and exciting moment that makes you feel amazing and gives you a sense of freedom, will eventually cost you a lifetime of pain and loneliness.
A family can be broken in pieces by your one weak moment.
Loving someone means that you need to let them go if you cannot be faithful and loyal to them.
For those that cheat because you can and you get a rush out of the secrecy or adventure, remember that you are taking down another human being that loves you and the secret will eventually come out to haunt you.