ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Ghosting (Ultimate Silent Treatment): A Sign of the End of a Relationship

Updated on April 15, 2020

For most people, breaking up is not an easy task due to the emotional involvement entailed in delivering the bad news of a breakup and the drama that might ensue. These are the major reasons why people choose to employ ghosting rather than relating the news in person, through call or text.

While ghosting is an effective means of ending a relationship with no questions asked and no explanations required, is it a justifiable-humane action to undertake?

Heartsickness
Heartsickness | Source

What is Ghosting?

Ghosting is a form of silent treatment. It refers to severing all means of communication or contact without notifying the concerned person of his/her decision to cease communication with them.

Not only is communication brought to an abrupt end, the initiator of the silent treatment doesn't respond to calls or texts from their other significant one. In the mind of the recipient of the silent treatment, their partner appears to have ceased to exist.

Emotion
Emotion | Source

Reasons Why People Ghost Their Partners

There are several reasons why people ghost their partners.

  1. They feel they don't have the mental strength to relay their decision to break up with their partners.
  2. They are afraid or worried how their partners might react (and also how they might respond to their partners' reaction). Will drama ensue during the breakup?
  3. To escape the emotions they might experience during the breakup or witnessing the immediate emotional effects of the breakup.
  4. Their feelings for their partners has dwindled. They no longer feel any emotional attachment towards their partners. At this point, they don't care to let their partners know they're no longer interested in them.

The Problem With Ghosting

Remaining silent isn't a full-fledged tactic to use despite the reasoning behind it.

When you've been ghosted, you don't know what to make of the silence. Has something happened to your lover? Is your partner doing fine? There are no cues to provide a glimpse why your partner has remained silent by not contacting or responding to your calls or texts. Worry and concern registers in your mind because you're not used to the silence.

As time goes on, it dawns in your mind you have been dumped. Your partner ghosted you without providing the reason(s) for the breakup and not giving you an opportunity to respond to his/her decision. You're bombarded with questions and the realization that you should have noted earlier on.

Hurt, anger, hatred, rejection sets in. You feel it isn't fair. It isn't justifiable. You feel that person used you. More questions and uncertainty flood your mind without providing any evidential answer: Why was I blind to fall for him? Why didn't I see it coming? I wish I hadn't accepted his love in the first instance.

Unable to know the reason for the silence (breakup), you dig into the relationship for cues that might have led to the breakup. You're tortured psychologically because you don't have the answers, you weren't offered an explanation and the person walked out of your life as if it wasn't a big deal.

Your partner didn't give you a chance to express your emotions or respond to his decision to break up with you. It comes outright as lack of consideration on your part. You feel the person doesn't respect you enough to involve you in his/her decision. Why, you ask, did he/she treat me as if I'm nothing to him? As if I don't have a mind of my own or emotions to deal with.

Doctor Janice Vilhauer states in her article, 'Why Ghosting Hurts So Much' published on Psychology Today, "For many people, ghosting can result in feelings of being disrespected, used and disposable. If you have known the person behind more than a few dates then it can be even more traumatic. When someone we love and trust disengages from us it feels like a very deep betrayal."

Furthermore, she states, ghosting "essentially renders you powerless and leaves you with no opportunity to ask questions or be provided with information that would help you emotionally process the experience. It silences you and prevents you from expressing your emotions and being heard, which is important for maintaining your self-esteem."

This type of treatment is considered by health professionals as a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse.

Who are More Prone to Ghosting?

There are people who have no problem with ghosting. They can do it again without giving a second thought to it. According to Dr. Theresa E. DiDonato in her article, 'The Truth About Ghosting to End a Relationship' that appears on Psychology Today, she remarks some people who subscribe to destiny beliefs tend to think ghosting is a preferable way to end a relationship. Destiny beliefs refer to preconceived thoughts that being in a relationship with a person was meant to be the case and by breaking up with the person, the two were never meant to be together.

While it's difficult to know which people are prone to apply ultimate silent treatment, there are several predictors that can indicate a person is heading in that road. One such predictor is when people lean on destiny beliefs. She says, "If someone has strong destiny beliefs underlying how they think about the relationships, they have a fixed mindset about love: it's either perfect or forget it...People high in destiny beliefs may see no point in working on the relationship or even spending the time to communicate that it's over. Maybe that's why they cut off all contact."

© 2017 Alianess Benny Njuguna

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • Ben716 profile imageAUTHOR

      Alianess Benny Njuguna 

      2 years ago from Kenya

      You are right Deborah silent treatment doesn't help. When your partner realizes you've decided to remain silent, he too decides to remain silent or go on with what he/she was doing.

      Dashingscorpia, you have said it well. Those people who continually employ silent treatment signify you don't matter a lot to them since he/she has broken the communication which is paramount in a relationship.

    • Ben716 profile imageAUTHOR

      Alianess Benny Njuguna 

      2 years ago from Kenya

      My sympathy Syrenagirl. Arguments are part of relationship but if what is argued doesn't get solved instead silent treatment is employed, then what was argued will keep on growing to a proportion whereby it might shake the relationship/marriage. Hope it will work out better.

    • profile image

      Syrenagirl 

      2 years ago

      Yes it does shed some light, I to get the silemt treatment after every arguement and it seems like years and nothing ever gets resolved ;(

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      3 years ago from Chicago

      "...silent treatment comes in different forms in a relationship. The first one is a sign your partner is thinking of ending the relationship. The second one is a tactic used to get the other person’s attention or to inflict psychological torture." True!

      The only other exception is you just had a major fight and they simply are angry at you over what you did or said. However it's not truly the "silent treatment" unless it goes on for days.

      Someone once said:

      "The person who least emotionally invested in the relationship controls it."

      Anyone who utilizes the "silent treatment" is essentially saying they have no problem shutting (you) out of their life! Instead of trying to win them over or break through you should step back and look at it as an omen. Refuse to play that game. Move on!

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      If someone can flip a switch giving you the "silent treatment" shutting you out; they clearly don't think (you) are "special".

      If they did they'd be worried someone else would snatch you up!

    • Deborah Demander profile image

      Deborah Demander Reno 

      3 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      This is an interesting article. I recently had an issue with my boyfriend, in which he spoke in a very harsh and unkind manner. My feelings were hurt and I didn't want to talk to him. I wanted him to reach out to me and apologize for his mean behavior. After two days, I finally reached out to him. He didn't even notice I hadn't texted him.

      So much for the silent treatment.

      Namaste

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://maven.io/company/pages/privacy

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)