- Gender and Relationships
Single, But Living Together
Single, But Living Together
The sparks have died. The relationship has ended. What went wrong? Should I move out or should we live separate lives under the same roof?
I had this discussion with a friend some years ago, when I was in a similar situation living under the same roof with my 'ex' and two children. My argument was that I was single because we did not have an intimate relationship. My friend disagreed, and said that I was not single because, although we were not sleeping together, we still shared responsibilities of running the household, taking care of the children etc.
Do you agree with my friend?
So why do some couples continue to live together after a “separation”? For starters, it saves money. Keeping two households cost more than keeping one. Going on your own after being together for a long time, would mean getting new furniture, paying rent or mortgage, paying all the bills, taking care of the children etc. If you and your 'ex' can bear being in the same residence together after separation, both of you will be able to save some money by pooling your resources.Some couples 'suffer' staying under the same roof for the sake of the children and to keep up appearances for the sake of their friends and relatives. Also, if you're in the same residence, it makes it easier for both of you to care for your children.
How about things that you usually do when you were a couple, like walking around half dressed or naked, using the bathroom while the other is taking a shower, wearing provocative clothes etc.? Should these things continue? What happens when there is a new lover? Is it okay to take your new lover to the house?
How do couples make the change from lovers to housemates? In some cases not very well because of the ongoing conflicts that continue into their new living arrangement, making life very uncomfortable for all concerned. Couples should sleep in separate bedrooms and be aware of his/her responsibilities in the house. Like any relationship, there will be trials and tribulations in such a living arrangement and it will come down to how well the “exes” communicate with each other. The “couple” needs to set a time-line on the living arrangements, as each person will want to get on with his or her life. In most instances, a new mate will not take favorably to his/her lover living with the “ex”.
I was not happy with the arrangement and so I opted to move out with the children and start over again. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made, but I'm happy I did.
If you are in such a relationship because of any of the reasons stated earlier, you should take the time to reflect and consider your options. Are you really happy with this arrangement? Are you really in it because of the children, or is it because of fear of starting over? What can you do to improve your situation so that you can move out and on with your life?
Let me hear from you.