ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Single Men: How to Get Over Your Fears of Being "Tied Down"

Updated on July 20, 2020
gimmesomeloveadvice profile image

Bayyinah is the author of Gimme Some Relationship Advice! She is the owner of Gimme that Recipe! an online lifestyle company.


Getting Over Your Fears of Being Tied Down

"Men are afraid of commitment" We have all heard the phrase before. At the essence of all fear, is the feeling that something might be lost. In essence, if you are afraid of commitment or committing to one person, you are afraid of losing options and freedom in different aspects of your life.

But here is the catcher: every decision we all make in life, means losing other options. No matter what we do, there are always another kind of option in life one could have lived.

With men who have a commitment phobia, fear making the wrong decision. What I notice is that the irony of the fear of being tied down is that there is this mask to cover up a strong desire for love, the longing for companionship and security, a long term healthy relationship only brings. In essence, some men fear what they really want and need most.


What Causes The Fear?

You ask where does the fear come from?

These fears were developed from life's rejections and disappointments. Rejection and disappointments in previous relationships, experiences with family and friends, peers, at work or in their career. Believe it or not, work experiences can also affect how one may view relationships.

Maybe you've experienced a relationship in the past where you felt trapped and suffocated in, and because of this experience, you vowed to never allow yourself to feel that way again. Or maybe you fear the possible future relationship could dissolve or end while you've invested so much into the relationship.

On the flip side of it, maybe you never saw your parents together, so you you a blueprint to follow to maintain a healthy love. Lastly, you may have had both parents in the home together, however you witnessed a rocky, unhealthy relationship between them and therefore you have a mindset that "no relationship or marriage ever works out".

The Consequences of Commitment Fears

With a prolonged, deep seeded fear, brings consequences. The long-termed consequences of deep seeded relationship fears can lead to the possibility of living a severely lonely life by throwing away a perfectly good life partner, companion and love.

Another point to note and keep in mind is that some commitment phobia men may knowingly get into relationships they are aware will not work out. This is a coy to cover up the fear and to run from commitment as it may be more convenient. Men afraid of commitment may become involved in a relationship they know deep down inside is not workable. Overtime, this sort of behavior can lead to feelings of emptiness and loneliness. If you are a man who is experiencing this or you are not sure if you are, the following four tips can help you identify and fix your commitment fears.


Four Tips to Identify and Fix Your Commitment Fears

1. Take a Look at Your Relationship History.

Did you seem to run out on a good and promising relationship? Looking at your relationship history and see if there is a pattern of running off on some seemingly good women and relationships. While reading a magazine recently, I came across an article that read: The One that Got Away, Burt Reynolds Misses Sally Field." In the article, the late actor, Burt who was 79 at the time of the article was quoted saying: "she was the one that got do a lot of stupid things to mess it up with the perfect woman." You do not want this to be you: looking back on your life after 30 years and still regret allowing the one to get away.

2. Ask Yourself What Are You Really Afraid Of?

Are you afraid of losing the relationship, your single life, independence, money extra sexual options or singlehood freedom? After asking yourself what are you particularly afraid of it is important to note that if it is fear of giving up money, independence, or freedom? Because no relationship or healthy love would take away all freedoms or independence. In actuality, a healthy relationship with a whole woman will help meet your needs in regards to independence and freedom. In all healthy relationships there is a shared virtue. Shared virtue is what inspires you to be great and better each day. If you had experiences in your past relationships with women who were controlling of your life, please note that these were never healthy relationships if it was based on control.

3. Imagine that the Fear has Gone.

In our society, we are bombarded with negative point of views. It's saturated around us, in the media, sports, entertainment, politics. Everywhere. But what if we begin to look at things in a positive point of view? What could be the benefits? What about the marriages and relationships that have lasted and are thriving? We can be so bound up to "all the things that can go wrong" we don't stop to ask ourselves all the things that can go right. There are benefits to a long-term relationship and healthy love. These benefits are both mentally and physically helpful and rewarding, but you've only been focusing on negative outcomes. Surround yourself with happy, positive couples.

4. Try Not to Put so Much Pressure on Yourself with the "Forever" Idea.

Most men with this issue fear that the relationship may not work down the road, and he would have exhausted so much from himself and into the relationship. Remember: now is all the time we will have. In the moment. I know it sounds boring and cliché, but no one is sure of what will happen in the future. Life is a series of present moments. You may feel you have all the time in the world but in actuality, time goes by quick. Try not to pressure yourself with forever thoughts.


Getting over your fears of settling down will require some honest self-examination. Examine how you approach and view relationships based on the past experiences. What may work in your relationship now, may not work in the future, then again maybe it will. Life is all about exploration, growth, fearlessness and meeting the special woman who inspires you, bring out the best in you and welcomes growth and change. Try these four tips to help you get over your relationship fears.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2020 Bayyinah


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)