- Gender and Relationships
Single Mom Diaries
Life After Divorce
Life post-divorce can be devastating. Life is difficult enough for a woman to succeed and survive in this day, but to rip away her life as she knows it and be successful may seem impossible. Rebuilding after divorce for a woman with children just adds difficulty to the challenge.
Most often it is easy to sink in a crater of depression. She may want to shut out the rest of the World and hide under her covers. She has an overwhelming flow of emotions. With divorce depression comes the feelings of unworthiness and failure. But the life of a single mom never stops. There is no time for self pity. There are kids to take care of. There are bills to be paid. There are other lives dependent on her.
I am a living testament that any woman can overcome the heartbreak and devastation of divorce and move on with her life. It is possible to be a successful single parent, homemaker, and career professional.
There are different views and definitions of success. The definition that I hold in my life for success is the achievement of something desired, planned or attempted. Some may examine my life and say that I'm not society's picture of success. However, I examine my life and say I have achieved desires, plans and attempts.
Successful Home Management
It is true that I do not live in a $500,000 home. As a matter of fact, I currently do not own a home at all. This has not been part of my short term, post divorce plan. My suggestion to any woman is to start with small goals. With each goal achieved, there is new found determination and self confidence. My short term goal has been to keep a roof over my children and that I have achieved and therefore have been successful. My long term goal is to own a home for myself and my children. I don't feel I have failed in this plan, I just haven't achieved it yet. A single mom has the will and determination to provide and she will succeed.
Some may look at my children and point out that I have a sixteen year old that has been in some trouble and struggles with school. They may look at my thirteen year old and point out that I have received numerous emails from teachers concerning his behavior. To those people I'm a failure as a parent. To those I would say that I see two great teenage boys. I would say that together we have overcome some traumatic obstacles to get where we are. I would say that I have a wonderful sixteen year old that is working hard to overcome dyslexia and ADD and is beginning his Junior year of high school. He has received recognition from scouts on his superb baseball skills. I would also point out that my thirteen year old has overcome the tribulations from epilepsy, which caused short term memory loss as well as a speech disorder. After eight years of speech therapy, medication, and never giving up, he now has no speech disorder or memory problems. When a teacher reprimands him for talking too much, I say praise God for answered prayers. For all of this, I feel I have made great achievements in parenting. If I can survive the trials of these challenges then anyone can.
Successful Career and Finance
Some may look at my bank account and say I am a failure in my financial management. I look at my bank account and say thank God I don't have a negative balance. I do, in fact live paycheck to paycheck. Some may criticize me for working so much. I say I am thankful for the opportunities I have been given. I have been a registered dental hygienist for 24 years. I also clean houses from time to time, which some may frown upon but I see it as an extra income that allows my children to play travel baseball. My most recent career attempt has been baking cakes and cupcakes. It is a small business but steadily growing. If I can take care of both children and work several jobs, anyone can.
Finally, some may look at my relationships and consider me a failure. I look at my past relationships and I'm thankful that we realized we were not meant to be before any harm was done. I do desire to one day have a long term relationship but for now, I am surrounded by friends that shower me with love, company and plenty of fun. For my friendships, I feel I have achieved success. For my love relationships, I say he is out there somewhere and I shall find him one day. If I can overcome loneliness and carry on with my life, anyone can.
My advice to any mom who has faced divorce or is facing divorce, never give up. You can and will make it. Don't be too proud to depend on family and friends for help. Love and support your kids and remember they too are going through a divorce. When times get rough, know that they will get better. Be active and find time for yourself. surround yourself with positive people. You will make mistakes and you will lose battles but the key is to learn from those mistakes and win the war.