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Single Mothers Get It In?

Updated on February 9, 2015

The Double Standard

Many single mothers face challenges everyday with decisions of paying bills, providing for their children, and taking care of themselves. More and more the taboo of a mother hiding her boyfriend from her child is slowly lifting. But just because it is not as bad as it use to be does that make it right? No one questions a Man on a serious note about why he doesn't have to hide his girlfriend from his kids, except maybe the mother. Women are looked upon in society as the gatekeepers of their institutions, being the household. So when the household is tainted by possible intruders does that mean that the mother isn't on her job? A former close friend of mine deals with this very situation constantly. She has a wonderful son that she along with the father and grandparents are raising into being a great human being.

Here comes the double standard, when she dates or talks to an individual she is scrutinized by her father. Being that she is well past her twenties she often allows herself to get upset when her father talks at her about the people she dates. Meanwhile on the dad's side he has his own household and although the child doesn't go over their as much he still visits from time to time. From the he said she said crowd the dad doesn't get the backlash of dating too many women and having them around his son. Being that people do what they want to do it wouldn't be shocking if the the father of the son down plays how many people he brings around his child. Granted that the mother has full custody of her son so it is only natural that the child would see more of her dates than the fathers'.

From what I have witnessed my former friend is given more flack for her decisions while the father isn't even factored into the equation for his mistakes.

The Contrast and Comparisons

The mother has introduced her son to at least four men in a two year period, all who she has been intimate with at some point. The men have been to her home where most of these sex episodes have happened. However on the flip side of things the father of the child has had two main relationships with one that resulted into marriage. This in no way makes the father better than the mother but it does show in some areas a lack of accountability on her part. She bashes the father a few times here and there for not getting off work to spend more time with their son. As I observed this situation from the outside I had to question my former friend on her conduct and how it may have an effect on her son. You probably can imagine how well that went over. But it is better to be a true friend that gives a humble, brutally honest opinion than to be a following yes man. If the friendship is a real one than your advice or opinion can be appreciated.

Anyway while the father is now a married man the mother is still dating or having sex with people she hopes to form a relationship with during the courtship. I often wonder what her son thinks about everything that is going on around him. Obviously the son doesn't think of his mother in a bad way but you never can tell now-a-days. Based off how he acts which is a happy preteen it led me to believe that he understands his mother is just dating. With his attention going to video games and friendships I doubt the son is keeping up with what his mother is doing. Over at the father's house the child is spending the night with his new siblings. From what the father admitted to me is the marriage might not be perfect be he is trying to make it work. This circumstance happens to be a little different because it makes the case that the mother is seen as being loose without putting her child in imminent danger.

So What is the Solution

You can be a mother with a healthy sexual appetite but you have to realize some things she be kept away from the home. In most instances it is more admirable for a sex worker or lady in a not so pleasant work environment providing for her children to keep that part of her life away from them. Now I am not comparing a sex worker with a single mother but what I am saying is if the worker has enough sense to try her best not to expose her children to different men, then how can a single mother not be responsible enough in the same respect. The reason the double standard still stands when it comes to women and sex is because the women birth the children and they are the nurturers.

Although the role of the father is very important in a child's life the emphasis is always on the mother to uphold a code within herself. Years ago mothers would wait until they raised their children to be a certain age before dating again. There was even a time if a single mother had to get it in she would go over to that man's house or to a convenient spot where her kids don't live. Personally I couldn't bring a person around my child if we were not going to be serious. Kids tend to get attached so to date a guy one minute then to bring another guy around the next may confuse your child. When I was little my mother had a total of two boyfriends that she brought around me during a ten year time period.

She never had a man sleep over and if she did get it in at least she had the decency to take it outside of our home. Being a child you never really think about your parents and sex because it was disgusting. As an adult I understand how a woman spreads herself so thin that it could mess with her judgement. After providing for the home that we talked about earlier you have to keep it clean, teach your child some morals, and give them some form of stability. The everyday living can became so mundane and when you turn around the sex appeal that you once carried seems to disappear overnight. Youth and beauty feel like a distant memory so it is understandable that a single mother wants to be desired.

Some mothers like fathers are better than others to the point where life, career, family, and goals are all balanced. Just my opinion but what do you think?

Does this Video has some Truth?

Do you agree with the video above or is it being blown out of proportion.

Remember this doesn't apply to every one for it is insane to deal in absolutes.


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    • dashingscorpio profile image


      4 years ago

      Life is a personal journey!

      No one is ever free as long as they are concerned with what (others) think of them!

      Generally speaking "double standards" exist when (both genders) agree something is wrong.

      An example might be if a woman slaps a man for saying something offensive it's far more acceptable than if a man slapped a woman for saying something offensive. Both genders agree for the most part that men should not hit women.

      Here's an example of a "fake double standard" People often will say if a woman sleeps around both men and women will call her a "slut" or a "whore" and if a man does it's "society" accepts it.

      The reality is very few women think it's okay for men to sleep around! They call them "dogs", "no good", and "a-holes"!

      The biggest difference here between men and women is (men) don't care what women call them!

      The next difference is men don't put down men for having sex with lots of women. In fact they want to know his "secret".

      Oftentimes women are the first one's to call another woman a "slut" or "whore". They put down other women for dressing provocatively.

      What would happen if women chose not to put down other women and they stopped caring what men said about them? Women/mothers would be FREE!

      The reason this not likely to happen is because women view "easy women" as a potential threat to their relationships/marriages or making it difficult to find men who will value traditional courtship rules. They're the "enemy"!


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