Single Parents 101
This article is for men and women who are looking for advice regarding single parenting and dating. I am not a medical professional and my article shouldn't be used in replacement of medical treatment. This article is based on opinion, observational data, single parenting studies, and personal experience. Please don't leave hateful comments at the bottom of the page as those will be deleted. Feedback negative or positive done so in a respectful manner is appreciated and respected.
Rather your a male or female reading this I would like to personally welcome you. A single parent can be a male or female. A lot of times when we think of single parenting we think of a female with little income and resources. We often associate single parenting with a female living in the projects or housing. Although this perception can be true for some, it surely don't fit the bill for everyone. Single parenting is quickly becoming the new face of America. This means that it isn't just women experiencing this change, there is a lot more single parent fathers, and it isn't just people in poverty or with little means.
Since their isn't a right or wrong way to parent children, how do we parent children properly? The answer simply is what you're definition of proper is. Sure society gives us a basic outline of what is and isn't considered acceptable but really the parent decides how the child or children will be raised. With that being said, your family values and personal beliefs play a major role in how you decide to raise your child or children. Like it, love it, or hate it we parent children based on the way we was parented. Before the naysayers cut my head off let me explain. When you become a parent a lot of it is instinct, meaning using what you learned throughout your own life to parent.
If you didn't have the greatest parent or parents in your life than most of often we use those painful memories as a guideline of what NOT to do as a parent. If you had decent parent or parents in your life than you tend to use the examples they taught you and pass them down to your own children. Sometimes it's a combination of both, when I say parent or parents, I'm not just talking about your birth given parents. I mean any care giver that had a major influence in your life. So being self-aware of where you came from, your history is an important part of your child or children's upbringing.
Even if you had one of the worst back history stories and went through an awful upbringing that doesn't mean in ANYWAY that you will be an awful parent. Everyone has the ability to change and overcome bad history. The key here is to be SELF AWARE of your history and the effect it had on you. Simply because your child will be rewriting that history and if you want it to be better than YOU have to better. If you break those bad chains of history, than you will be able to avoid repeating it and passing it onto your child or children. Now even with all that nobody is perfect, there is no such thing as the perfect parent or parents. Everyone makes mistakes, the real test is how we recover from those mistakes and what we do to avoid making them again.
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Male single parenting
So how does male single parenting look like in America? Well for starters because society has this perception that single parents are women who need help, their is little resources for men. Simply put, society expects men to be providers, so when they ask for help society almost makes them feel like less than a man. Although as human beings we all know how expensive children are, so why does this make them less of a man? With that being said, most men tend to be prideful and won't get the resources available because of how society will make him feel. With all the male bashing about absentee fathers, women haven't praised these men who have raised their children or child without the presence of the mother, without government aid, and most times without much support from really anyone nearly enough.
Female single parenting
Now it is a fair statement to say that a lot of single parents are women. That really is a fair statement and data taken from polls around America will support this. Although not every female single parent receives public assistance or lives in public housing. Their is a lot more single parents in upper class neighborhoods than ever before. Some of the most educated, hard working women, previously married women, or just the women who had a child in college all these women plus more make up single parenting for women. It is also a fair statement to say that most of these women do receive public assistance and housing.
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Have a difficult child or children?
Being a single parent is one tough job without a doubt! Having a difficult child or children can make that tough job just so much more difficult. Well before you throw in the towel, you have to readjust the way you're seeing things. First ask yourself are you going through a difficult time aside from the child or children currently in your life right now? Or recently? If so, than take a long breath and try to understand that your child or children can see or saw that. Children see everything, they may not understand everything but they do understand the underlined message. Their minds isn't as advance as ours and they don't have the coping skills we have. So they maybe difficult because they need help trying to adjust to everything that has or is happening.
Are they going to be difficult forever? Perhaps, although they may have a better chance if your available to love them through it. It is very easy to withdraw from a child or children who are always difficult no matter what you say or do. You need to understand that when you was going through that difficult period of your life, your child may have withdrew from you. Or if your currently going through a difficult period in your life your child maybe withdrawing from you and doesn't know how to cope. You as the parent need to love them back to you, and guide them to understanding or acceptance.
How do you do that? Will it be successful? With a child or children their is no guarantees, so don't set yourself up for disappointment. As the parent you need to encourage them to talk to you, you need to respect their boundaries at the same time, and you need to work on gaining their trust. Some parent or parents will say why should they do that for a CHILD when you're the ADULT? First with any relationship that is difficult you need to work on it, rather it be friendship, a romantic relationship or marriage. Your child and yourself is a relationship. If you don't respect boundaries, don't encourage communication, and don't work on trust it will fail.
Dating for single parents
We all typically know that dating when your a single parent can be difficult. Data from around the world will support that statement. Although one needs to ask themselves why is that? Is it the men or women? Is it the child or children? Or is it that their isn't enough resources available on how to date being a single parent? While most of us can agree to disagree on all these points, the main issue here is how can you date successfully? Lets explore that issue.
First of all, their isn't a right way or wrong way to date anyone single parent or not. It is a matter of what you believe, your values, and what your morals are as a person. With that being said, we as men and women are generally our own worst enemies. We typically are very hard on ourselves and that does transfer into how we date. Ever wonder why that seemingly awesome person you went out with didn't call you back? Or won't move you into a serious relationship category? Well it all starts with you and ends with you. What does that mean? It means that you probably talked very badly of ex constantly or said a lot of dis-encouraging things about yourself.
So what does this look like? You have to understand when you actually step into the dating world again your past doesn't matter one bit. What does matter is how you take of yourself and your child or children. Sure people can be very immature, silly, and even cruel but you should always be that person worth fighting for. So how do you become one of those people? Believe it or not, I believe it starts with how you not only caring for yourself but also caring for your child or children.
People will always have respect for a single parent who loves their child or children so much that they work hard to support them. Like for example, going to school and getting more educated not just because you need the money. You want to get more educated so you can be a better parent, provider, and give your child the life they deserve. Or working really hard at your job and keeping up with your child's needs. Those qualities translates to women AND men, that your love is honest, strong, and long term. If you ditch your children to be with a somebody, or treat your child badly in front of this new somebody, or heaven forbid you actually tell them how the other parent is a dirt bag all the time. Your sending the new somebody the message that you're an angry, selfish, and irresponsible person.
My very last point here is that bringing multiple people you're romantically interested in around your children is very unhealthy. It is very hard to find someone to leave your child or children with. Although to drag your child or children into every single attempted romantic relationship is a lot of stress for your child. They will grow to have serious emotional attachment problems. If you can't make it to a date there is always next time and if they can't understand that then their not the one. It is very hard to make ends meet but as a single parent you need to believe in your abilities.
Do you think that single parents should start new romantic relationships?
Good song about parenting
The message here is very simple when it comes to single parenting their isn't a right or wrong way to do it. Really you just have to believe in yourself and your children. Single parenting gets it's bad rep from lack of caring for your child's best interest. That bad face typically is attached to women with children. Although this article is about spreading awareness that isn't just women, men go through it too. It is also about that not all single parents whether their man or woman don't love their children. Sometimes it is just the lack of understanding basic human needs which translates into not knowing how to cope with the given situation.
Single parents are not victims they're survivors! So this article isn't about never dating its about learning how to date and how to introduce you're children to someone else. The important key information is to make sure your child understands what is happening and why. As a parent you're looked upon as not just a provider, not just resource, but your seen as expert. Understand that you're their first teacher and its your responsibility to guide them. When your a single parent make sure your children understand that will never change despite the struggles or because you're trying to find someone else.
I'm speaking as a single parent myself and I know it can be difficult but certainly not impossible. Data also supports that children of single parent homes can be just as successful in life when loved and supported consistently. So don't let negative gossip get you down! Children need you more than you think and your influence means the whole world to them. You have a major role in how well they survive this crazy world we live in. So I hope you found this article to be helpful in some way, a good read, and inspiring. Until next time readers, take care of yourselves and your child or children. Ciao!
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