- Gender and Relationships
Single in Las Vegas
Five Battlefield Relationship Building Tools
New beginnings or fresh divorcees need a clean start on life so what better things to bring to the dance but new shoes. Leave those tarnished, old, scuffled ones behind and start dancing. Dancing by the way is a good way to meet women. Most women I know enjoy dancing. Conversely, I've met some good prospects 'men' on the golf course.
The biggest challenge for people post divorce is to become; self reliant, financial secure and emotionally available. While keeping this in mind, I've found five 'almost' fail proof battlefield relationship building tools to help those on this journey.
In this hub I specifically mention being single in Las Vegas, Nevada. Dating while living in Vegas proved to be challenging for me. I compare it to a battlefield. Be prepared, wear protective armor, carry an ax or some kind of weapon and don't forget your helmet. Although Vegas is the entertainment capital of America it's also a breeding ground for people wanting; to escape from reality, running from a problem, or, worse yet the law. Never underestimate the advantage of a good search engine and use it to weed out the undesirables. I found Zaba Search or just goggling prospects useful.
Look at dating as an adventure. Attitude is everything. Remain positive and truly embrace the single experience. Dating after divorce, especially for those of us who were married for decades can be enjoyable if we just have the right tools and outlook.
Popular TV series such as, Sex and the City and Two and a Half Men depict bold bachelors and strong, outspoken women living carefree, adventuresome single lives. On the lighter side these series also show the humorous elements of dating and introduces us to some crazies. View dating as an opportunity to meet interesting people rather then a chore can help the process.
Create a Partner Checklist
Create a checklist similar to a grocery list. Include things like, what characteristics you are looking for in a partner and what traits are date or deal busters. If all else fails you'll at least discover what kind of partner that you're looking for or not! Now is the time to pursue new interests such as; golfing, fishing, dancing or basket weaving.
Shift your focus from "what's in it for me" to being naturally curious about others. This is a proven, consultative sales technique that works when probing clients to find out what their needs are. Once determined you'll have the pieces to the puzzle and then it's just a matter of putting it all together.
Get Rid of Your Baggage
Baggage is a topic worth mentioning because we all carry it around with us. Baggage is best described as things you have but should have gotten rid of years ago. Alternately, realizing what it is gives us insight into our own personal short comings and helps us to forgive those who have short changed us in the past.
How many times have you been on a date and heard, "My ex did this or my last girlfriend did that." Previous relationship gossiping or airing your 'dirty laundry' should be kept confidential. Dating is similar to an interview. Keep opinions, politics and religion out of your conversation until you have made a real connection.
As far as conversation is concerned think about what makes you unique. Be positive when talking about your ex's and ask your date questions about themselves. One particularly impressive man asked me how long I thought I would live. Later I learned that he was a psychology major looking for insight into how positive I was about the future.
Of course we are naturally curious about former relationships but keep talk simple and sweet. Women, in general, don't want to hear about how many romantic liaisons, ex girlfriends or wives you've had or be compared to them. If you bring the subject up we'll certainly listen, however this information could be used against you in the future. I'm not speaking for all women but from a personal perspective.
Be Mysterious - Ask the Right Questions
This brings us to the next step being mysterious. Divulging too much information about yourself too soon isn't a good idea either. It's important to be honest but timing is crucial. There's a time and place to discuss your football injuries and/or finances just not right off the bat.
Try not to talk about yourself too much either instead ask questions. Single men that I've spoken with over the years said that they were turned off by women who asked questions about their personal finances, house or other possessions too early in the game. This discovery phase is an opportunity to learn something new about someone so be naturally curious. Remember the saying, "It's better to remain silent and be thought the fool then to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
Stop Whining - It Takes two to Tango
Another obstacle to successful dating in 2012 includes, whining or feeling sorry for yourself. We've all been through trials and tribulations, especially baby boomers. By the time you reach middle age we should accept responsibility for ourselves and quit passing the blame. One particular date that stands out in my mind was a man I'd met who said that had been married three times. He then proceeded to tell me in explicit detail about what was wrong with all his ex's. My question to him was, 'Is there anything you would do differently the next time around." He continued to blame his ex's and was unwilling to accept any responsibility for the break ups. My thoughts were that It takes two to tango and that his story would make a great Country hit!
While it's impossible to get this far in life with out any tarnish, bumps or dents. Embellish or learn to appreciate those things that set us apart from the rest. Life's road bumps or pot holes prepare us to be better drivers. Let's face these obstacles like a race car driver maneuvering through or around each opportunity. Try to avoid head on collisions. Otherwise you might find yourself in clubs such as; the married three times or more group or singles forever crowd. If this is by choice then proceed forward, however I know singles, including myself, who aren't single by choice but are limited by our individual attitudes, excess baggage and unwillingness to change or adapt to our new beaus.
Be Positive - There's Someone for Everyone
There is someone for everyone. Meaningful relationships don't grow on trees so understanding yourself and knowing what you're looking for is a good place to start. More importantly though is that happiness comes from within and doesn't necessary come with a relationship. These five tools were identified to help me get a better grasp of my needs and be better prepared for the battlefield of love;
- Create a partner check list
- Get rid of excess baggage
- Be mysterious and ask the right questions
- Stop Whining
- Be Positive