- Gender and Relationships
Six reasons why you can't find a decent woman
Relationships are hard work.
The dating game can be a complete nightmare, especially when it comes to more serious dating. Everybody wants that perfect match you hear about in television and romance novels but not all of us find it. i am a firm believer that when you are having a string of bad relationships you are doing something wrong. This goes for everyone of any age and every gender. We don't take enough time to reflect upon ourselves and spend too much time angry and resenting the other people, but we don't realise we choose these people. A relationship shouldn't be hard and if it is hard you've probably got clashing personalities.
1. Picking Rotten Apples.
Imagine you're up an apple tree looking to pick the juiciest, reddest and best quality apples. Imagine pulling a beautiful apple down only to bite into it and find beneath the surface it's full of sand. The next one you grab from the same branch is rotten to the core, and the next one has mould on it. Imagine these apples are women.
Some men are more than happy to blame female feminists for their shortcomings with women. It's all their fault! some of you will cry without stopping to think why these women you are choosing are no good for you. The simple answer is you keep picking them. You are the common denominator in your failed relationships, not the women. How so? each of the women you have gone out with has been a different person from Angela to Isabelle, Hiroko to Keyonna, these women are not all the same person. The only person in the relationships that has stayed the same is you.
Often failed relationships follow the same pattern. You choose people you might think are different on the outside but inside they are all the same, just like those rotten apples. We all have our own personality type and when it comes to dating we tend to fall into the same zones from our earliest experiences. This is what we know so we might be choosing people that are different on the outside, but deep down we are plucking down those same apples time and time again.
The only way to get past this is to choose women that are nothing like what you have dated before. Always going for the broody woman with more looks than personality? choose someone the complete opposite. Always going out with extroverted lively women? go for a quiet introvert. Do a little research on personality types, this will help you analyse what type of person you are getting.
2. You Have Nothing In Common.
Another one of the top reasons why men are failing in relationships is picking women they have nothing in common with and finding it absolutely shocking that they're being rejected. This answer is somewhat similar to the previous one, only it has nothing to do with personality type. Often men have a tendency to chase women they find physically outstanding when in reality they have nothing in common with them, in turn, they then blame the females.
Imagine a blonde bombshell Playboy bunny that loves fast cars, money, parties, champagne and designer clothing. You fancy this girl, maybe you're friends, and she keeps going out with men that treat her poorly, men that are all flash and no brains, men that are typically viewed as players and you think she should pick a nice guy like you to be with. Wrong. This woman isn't dating that man because he's a sweet teddy bear, she's dating him because he also likes money, fast cars, parties, designer clothing and they can provide these things for one another. They have the same mentality and they have a lot more in common. A woman like that isn't ever going to be happy with an average Joe with an average job, average wage and high street clothing. She wants the personality and the lifestyle of the other guy even if he isn't what you'd call Prince Charming.
As another example we have a sweet and shy goth girl that is very pretty. She loves books, classical music, poetry and she doesn't like to party. She gets great marks in school and does a lot for the environment. She isn't going to go out with a wild party boy in expensive designer clothing with the latest flash car and a rap album. She is going to look for that sweeter and more sensitive teddy bear because that's who she has the most in common with.
You need to assess yourself and not just choose to pursue women based on how they look or what they display outwardly. Get to know yourself before you go after someone else and you'll have better chances at finding a suitor.
3. You Have A Woman Complex.
Some men have these and don't even know it (or don't want to admit it). Women can tell very easily and quickly if a man has a problem with them and they can also tell you why. Whether it's bad experiences with women in previous relationships, mother issues, daughter issues, or even loneliness fuelled issues- women will know.
"I'm just too nice for girls to be interested in me they all want bad boys so maybe I should start being a douche and they'll like me" - stop. What women think: This guy is bitter and angry because he repeatedly chases after women he can't obtain and that he has nothing in common with and is happy to blame the women, but never himself. He is looking for females to comfort him and stroke his bruised ego. He has nothing to offer a relationship other than emotional immaturity.
"Feminism is making women think they're so superior and that they're God's gift to men. Everything wrong with women today is all the fault of Feminism and it's ruining society" - Stop. What women think: This guy not only has no idea what Feminism is, but he spends far too much time on the internet feeling bitter because he doesn't know how to talk to women and keeps asking women out who are out of his league/ he has nothing in common with. He also seems the type to use Tumblr more than he should and speak aggressively or explicitly to women in private messages.
Above are some examples of men who have complexes with women. Complexes can also include men who can't settle down, men who keep cheating or men who are emotionally needy out of fear of abandonment.
Stop blaming women for your shortcomings with them. If you are having repeated failures with women you need to ask yourself what you are doing wrong. They are not the problem as, like I said above, you are the common denominator in your failed relationships. Holding onto bitterness, resentment and anger over being rejected/cheated on will not help you. Women can sense these things. Why would we date someone like this when we could have someone with no issues at all towards women? Get over your problems or go to therapy and work out your past issues. You'll feel better in yourself when you do.
4. You Want It All But Have Nothing To Offer.
This is also true of women. Some men, and I do say some, want a woman with everything whilst they themselves have nothing. For example; an average man in every aspect wants a supermodel with a high paying career, her own home, beautiful clothing, lots of leisure time, no baggage, to be intelligent and educated, to have travelled and be well read. What would the average man be able to offer this woman in all honesty?
If you want a woman with certain tributes you need to make sure you can offer her something for those tributes. Imagine you are that model guy with every attribute the example woman above has, would you want to date an average woman with not a lot to offer your life? no. We all want to feel enriched and motivated by the people around us whether they're family, friends or partners and we shouldn't settle for anything less. Women are very perceptive when it comes to assessing a man and what he can bring to her table so don't think just because you're male you hold all the cards and get to think women need to bring something to yours and yours alone.
5. You're Not Looking Far Enough.
If you're fishing from the same pond you're going to keep reeling up the same fish, this goes for the dating pond too. If you're looking in the same places all the time you're not going to find a bigger mixture of people. This also ties in with personality types and other sections above.
If you haven't tried it yet, try a little online dating but find a good website and really get to know people before meeting them. This can be perfect to weed people out and see if you have anything in common based on their profile information so you can pass over quickly and find someone suited to you.
Go to new places. You can meet women anywhere from the library to the gym, the football stadium to the shopping centre. Women are everywhere and women like various different things. Take up a new hobby, get involved in a community activity, go to some adult learning classes, go back into education, do something new and exciting even if it's just hanging out somewhere or going to a coffee shop a few miles further away.
6. You Don't Know What You Want.
Do what I told the women to do, make three lists. The first thing should be the shortest list and contain essential attributes a woman needs to have, these are things that you aren't going to settle for less over. The second should be things you'd like to have but are willing to waver or bend if the right woman came alone. Your third list needs to be attributes you absolutely do not want and won't waver over. Here are some examples:
1. List one: Good personality, honesty, intelligence/being well read, wants/doesn't want children, willing to get married/ not willing to get married, a certain race/ethnicity/religion, able to also be a good friend, has no children, etc.
2. List two: Long/short hair, grey eyes, petite, chubby/slender, enjoys poetry, is into rock music, has a certain level of education, has a certain type of career or career level.
2. List three: Emotionally unstable, aggressive, abusive, has children/children by different men, criminal record, lazy, rude, homophobic, etc.
Once you've made your lists, even if you think you know what you want already, you may have a clearer picture in your head of an ideal woman for you. Remember to be flexible, we all like people for themselves and most of us prefer different people to a certain type. Things like eye colour, skin colour, height, weight you might be able to waver, but things like a bad attitude, being abusive or having a lot of baggage you might find harder to look past. It is important not to settle for someone because you feel they are the only person around at the present time.
As a conclusion there are many more reasons why you could be having problems finding a decent woman, but these are just the more common ones. As I said in the intro, reflect upon yourself before you reflect on others. Learn about yourself and love yourself in order to find someone that loves you in return. If you want to get married don't date women who don't want that, if you don't want children then don't date women who do. Find someone who is not only your partner but also your best friend as a relationship won't work purely on physical intimacy and ideals alone.