Mayberry is Better: Why I Like Living in Small Towns
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I don't really live in Mayberry, North Carolina, but residents of my small town in Arizona sometimes call it that. It's the kind of place where people know who you are, and notice if they don't. My town has a Mayberry-like downtown area with mom and pop businesses, two grocery stores, some restaurants, and an elementary school. And I know the names of all of my neighbors.
Small town life has been quite an adjustment for me. I grew up an Air Force brat, and we moved constantly until I was about 11 years old, to a place I abhorred. In fact, I skipped outta there so fast, I left tire marks where they pealed out of the driveway. After college I moved 10 times in as many years. Most of those moves were from apartment to apartment, looking to upgrade the cheap dives we lived in, one small improvement at a time. Then we moved cross-country to a large metropolitan city, where we stayed put for 2 1/2 years. And finally, there was Mayberry.
In Mayberry, my daughter has made strong, enduring childhood friendships--the kind I longed for as a military kid, but never found. In Mayberry, we found a church that felt more like a family, year after year, and I have watched my babysitters grow up, graduate, and start their own lives and families.
I learned that a person living in Mayberry doesn't have the same degree of anonymity as she does in the burbs. And with that reality, comes some important life lessons.
Some of Your Best Friends Aren't At All Like You
In Mayberry, the pool of friends and acquaintances is far less homogenous than in the cookie cutter suburbs where you own a home that costs just about the same as your neighbors'. I had the good fortune of meeting friends along the way who weren't all that much like me. We had some common interests, but these weren't people I would have encountered in the suburbs at all.
One thing that drew me to these friends was my involvement in the local schools. With one elementary, one junior high, and one high school, and a local population of about 9,000 people, you can't be too choosey about who your children play with. For example, you can't limit your interactions to people within your own religious domination, salary range, or even education level. Almost everyone I met who lives in Mayberry wanted to raise their children in a community, connected to others.
Older People May Actually Know a Thing or Two
I met a delightful group of older people in Mayberry, who, like me, had an interest in forming connections and being part of a community. I found out that older people actually know a thing or two! They have already experienced the life stage I am going through now, and remember it well, though sometimes in a slightly revisionist way.
Some older people dispense with formalities and tell it like it is. Sometimes they set you straight in a way that is like a splash of cold water in the face, but often they simply cut right to what's important. Young people are too distracted by the details. Older people don't have time for the distractions. They are living in the now, and seizing the good moments they have remaining.
Many older people have ceased to be superficial in their relationships. An older friend can offer sincere advice with far less judgement than some younger people can.
You'll Catch More Flies with Honey than Vinegar
In Mayberry, you have to remember that the people whose ways you want to change will be there tomorrow, the next day, and the day after that. You'll encounter these people for years. So if you are the crusading type (like me), be careful lest your warrior ways alienate you.
In my case, the crusade was about our Parent Teacher Association (PTA). Our PTA had been functioning a certain way for 30 years or so, but.didn't actively recruit. In fact, as a relative outsider, unfamilar with the PTA's accomplishments at the other schools, I assumed we didn't have one. My crusade to make over the PTA didn't go over very well. I didn't do my homework, and didn't even know that the PTA had a highly successful book sale that had been contributing money to the schools' libraries for over 30 years. Me and my group of crusaders aroused suspicion and even hostility. Finally, after a year or two of this, we wised up, and became joiners. We joined the PTA, became involved in the exisiting programs, and eventually suggested some new things too.
They've Got Your Back and Your Children's Back, and They Also Know Your Social Security Number
In Mayberry "They" is just about everyone in your community. They know you at the library, the grocery store, the insurance agency, and even the Circle K. And half the time, they know who your children are, too.
If you are the type of person who closely monitors your children's (or teen's) activities, this type of interconnectedness has its benefits. We were on a trip into the big city south of us just recently and encountered some misbehavin' teenage boys. They were taking snapshots of each other with their cell phone cameras doing rather inappropriate things. I am not a busybody, but my children were nearby, and it didn't seem right. People shouldn't behave this way in public.
In Mayberry, sure, the teenage boys act up, but not in public places. Or perhaps, not as much. Because in Mayberry their behavior would surely have been reported back to their parents. And then people would remember it for a very, very long time. That's the disenchanting thing about small towns. People escape into the big cities and the burbs for just the anonymity that they afford them. In small townspeople can be labeled for their mistakes.
Friendship is Measured by the Confidences You Keep
In Mayberry, friendship is not a matter of shared interests and commonalities as much as it is measured by the confidences you keep. Keeping each other's private matters private is an art form in a small town, since many people in small towns tend to gossip habitually, without truly measuring the harm that gossip might cause.
In Mayberry, a trustworthy and discreet friend will not betray you in a moment of weakness to the watchful public eye. Your secrets will remain yours, and your life in Mayberry will be more pleasant because of it. I have learned that if news is not mine to share, it isn't appropriate to share it.
In the Burbs, people don't really care much about your personal life, so confidence-breaking seems a little less like a betrayal.
Comments
I just love your hubs. I grew up in a somewhat small town. And I can't tell you the number of times when i came home in the evenings as a teenager and my mom knew just what I'd been up to. After just one phone call, from one of her friends who I didn't even see while I was out. I mean one things for sure word sure gets around in a small town. I had to get resourceful. And While I wasn't a bad kid I did feel a little smothered when everybody knew every move I made. I hated it. But now that I am in my 30's I miss small towns. where everybody knows everybody. I will probably be moving back to the country before long. just loved this hub, thanks.
Great !! I've bookmarked this for further viewing..
Nice article, heading back later for another look...
Small town have their problems and their advantages. I live in one too. I understand all you said. Good writing
I live not far from Mt. Airy, NC, the prototype for Mayberry, and I can tell you, it's a very pleasant community- much like the one you describe. Great post!
Another great read and a terrific life lesson as well. Thanks for sharing...
Nostalgia is personal so you can practise it as you please. Small towns are indeed charming, although big cities have their appeal as well. Hmmm, I'd love to find a blend of both ....
I for one miss you too, and I hope you miiss us enough to come back to visit. You know who I am. My kid misses yours too. But when you do come back to visit Mayberry we will have the peanut butter and fluff waiting for the boys to share.
Wonderful description of small townishness-- i grew up in a city suburb where people had been there for a long time and stayed. It was small townish.
aAfew years after marriage we moved to a new subdivision, a cul-du-sac where everyone was new at once. We all had front yards to establish and things we needed for a new home-- so conversations came easy. Good friends, because we had so much in common! It was a great place for growing kids.
Finally, moving to the country, fifteen miles from the small town was different. Lots of folks hre have known each others families for generations. I remember going to the grocery store and thinking how odd it was to not see anyone who looked at all familiar. Now I feel like I belong in the community. A little volunteer work-- a little writing for local papers-- I now rarely go to the store without talking to at least a couple of people.
You learned some good stuff. Good luck on the new transition. More lessons to learn, I suppose.
Oh, also, Thank heaven for the internet! or Al Gore . . . whomever.
I grew up in a very tiny Oklahoma town, and hated leaving it (12 years old), but now, gotta admit, I enjoy the energy of bigger cities...concerts, lectures, authors showing up at bookstores for readings, civic events. I've moved around quite a bit in my adult life, and I will agree that my best neighbors who quickly became real friends, have been in the smaller towns where we've lived. Nice hub!
I love small-town living and I miss it right about now. However, there are characters who live in most small towns and they make life very interesting at times.
I have a friend who always takes a second to say hello, ask about the kids, until he sees someone else he "just has to talk with", after which, like a cartoon, he departs leaving a dust-devil twister in his wake.
Over the years I have learned to say the next word - after the one I left off with - in the drawn-out conversation we have been having one or two words at a time. Right now I am finished with the first sentence, and it only took a few years to get that much out in our chance meetings.
I don't even know if he noticed my change of tactics, but he always asks the same question, and I just give him the same answer, one word at a time, and in a very slow delivery, which I think is just fine for a small-town boy like me.
But at least when I say "hello" to someone they say hello back, and sometimes we stop to talk. Now don't get me wrong - I love Chicago - but when I see someone walking along the street and I say my hello, the other person either hides his or her eyes, or walks to the other side of the street, wagging a head in disbelief.
Occasionally (rarely!) the other person smiles and nods a head, but I have yet to have a small-talk conversation with anyone in a big city.
I remember the old joke about three men sitting in their rocking chairs when a newspaper blows by. One man opens it and reads about the circus coming to town next month. A week later the second man asks what date, and a few days after that he gets his answer.
Finally after another week passes by the third man gets up in disgust and rants at his companions for talking too much.
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