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So I'm a Little Bit Off...Who Cares?
Accepting who I am!
Here I am, sitting at my desk, eating my 100-calorie bag of Snyder’s Pretzels, and I yell out “Hey there’s an odd number of pretzels in my bag today!” A co-worker promptly replies “You count your pretzels?” “Well hell no” I tell her “I just take them out of the bag in pairs, and today I had an extra!” Without a beat she yells over “And this is your way of convincing yourself that you’re normal…because you don’t ACTUALLY count them?” GOOD POINT!
I realize that Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a very serious disease for the majority of people inflicted with it. However, my OCD tendencies happen to be just enough to be annoying to myself and extremely humorous to those around me.
This is something that I have learned to accept no matter how much I become agitated over inconsistencies. I have learned to take a step back (enough to see what others see) and laugh at myself…sometimes! I’m a big goof and I’m ok with that…now! I’m also quite aware of the fact that my little issues did not come from the wind.
I remember watching my mom (when I was younger) ironing her sheets after taking them out of the dryer and thinking to myself “WHY?” I also recall my grandmother (her mother) getting ready for family functions by placing tags in plates and bowls (all of which were identical) stating what kind of food was to be placed in each one…again “WHY?” Well now I know why…I’m a bit off!
I left work early a little over a week ago because I did not feel well at all! I am not the type of person to miss any work unless it’s a planned day off, or I am terribly ill. It happened to be Martin Luther King Day, so my boyfriend had that day off. Now, because of my form of OCD I am not able to relax until I feel that every thing is in its place.
So, as soon as I walked in the door and saw the dishes still sitting in the sink, I set myself up to be (and this is putting it very mildly) a not so pleasant person to be around. I immediately went into 5th gear and started my “cleaning machine” routine. Mind you, I WAS SICK! It started with “I’m just going to load the dishwasher” and did not end until the bathroom floor was mopped. It wasn’t until every single thing in my house was in order that I could plop my skinny little butt on the couch and relax. But by then…too late…I WAS NASTY!
Normally I’m not quite that bad. On a normal day (for me) I just have to deal with minor OCD behavioral issues. The first one that comes to mind is also my very first action of every day…THE BED! I can’t seem to walk out of that bedroom without making that damn bed. Now this wouldn’t be so ridiculous if it weren’t for the fact that I get up at 4:30 in the morning and my boyfriend is still sleeping when I get up. Yet I still feel the need to make half of a bed. Then, the very first thing I do when I get home is make his side of the bed… “WHY?”
That is part my weekday routine. On the weekends I literally wait until he gets out of the bed before moving so that I can make that stupid bed before getting on with my day. Every Saturday and Sunday morning I hear the same words… “You have issues!” and each time I think to myself “No kidding…you think?”
Believe it or not I am able to relax from time to time, but not until…the 2nd half of the bed is made, I’ve changed into my sweats, all jewelry and makeup has been removed, the mail has been sorted, my lunch (for the next day) is made, my coffee cup is cleaned out, the dishwasher is loaded (and started,) the humidifiers are filled, the pellet stove is loaded (and started,) dinner is put together in the Crockpot, the kitchen floor is swept, and (three days out of the week) my ice cream is made. Unless I am out of town, there are no variations to this routine! So “Yes, I have issues!” But I’m ok with that. In fact, so is my boyfriend…he finds it rather comical as long as my satanic side doesn’t surface.
After all of these years, I still catch him laughing at me as I count out exactly four Milk Duds every night, immediately after eating my ice cream. Again, no variation…every night is the same routine! First there’s dinner, then ice cream followed immediately by four, not three, not five, but FOUR Milk Duds!
Obviously I see a therapist. I discussed the whole Milk Dud issue with my doctor one day. His observation, after having listened to me for years, was that I tend to need things to be in even quantities. He asked me to try (for a few nights) eating five Milk Duds instead of four. Well I did that…had to up my dose of Xanax, and now I’m back to four Milk Duds…it’s easier (and less mood altering) than drugs!
I’ve got to hand it to my boyfriend, and my family, it takes a lot of patience to deal with me on some days. Luckily (for me) he is very laid back. None of my odd behavior seems to bother him. However, the man also has a very twisted sense of humor. He gets a real kick out watching me run back into the bedroom to find a new outfit every time he gives me a look of disapproval (jokingly) when I ask him how I look.
Of course we’ve given up on that routine because; 1) it is very time consuming for him to convince me that he was just kidding, and 2) I’ve come to realize that the man wouldn’t notice if I walked out of the house wearing a purple shirt, with yellow pants and green shoes…he just doesn’t care! But the look on his face is priceless every time I run back in the house to change my shoes (after seeing in the daylight) that they’re not quite the same shade as my coat or belt. “You just had a pair of brown shoes on?” is his usual question. “But they were the wrong shade of brown” is my usual answer….then he just shakes his head, twists his face all up and says “Oh, for crying out loud!!!”
I have so many other quirks and odd habits, all the way down to matching every article of clothing I wear, that I could probably write an entire book about it. However, I’m going to spare my readers by cutting it off here. This was just a brief glance into the world of “Wendi!” Someone I’m getting to learn how to like, and adjust to, more and more every day!