So Many Questions ~ So Few Answers ~ The Cheating Spouse
Have you never been speechless?
Tick Tock, Tick Tock. Cuckoo, Cuckoo, Two o'clock and all's just swell. Greetings lovely friends and scholars, teachers and preachers, bring your wisdom to the table and pull up a chair. We have questions to ponder and answers to give, solutions to offer and pieces of a puzzle to assemble. Don't be shy nor feel a need to hesitate. Please agree to join me in a benevolent brainstorming session. Think of this as good deed of the day by providing sage wisdom to those lovers who suffer from confusion and doubt, conundrums & choices.
Today's question comes to us from a young man who shall be nameless for now. He seems to be perplexed by a dire personal issue. Listen carefully please, for I cannot repeat his question, which is as follows: "Should I be mad that my mistress is now sleeping with a friend of mine?"
Wait one moment before you begin contemplation. There's more. This gentleman offers some additional information in an effort to help us understand. Yes, he goes on to explain that he's quite upset that his former friend has hooked up with his mistress. Further, he claims that he feels he's falling in love with her while contemplating leaving his wife for this mistress. For some self-serving reason, he adds that his mistress is from a lower economic strata than he is and she has two children he would love to step-parent. However our confused young man wonders if, under the circumstances, he would be foolish to leave his wife for this woman.
Readers, let's put our heads together and see what we come up with, in an attempt to share helpful suggestions and realistic advice to our anonymous lover boy.
Up front it seems our question might be; Can any one of us relate to this man's current predicament? Are we, in all honesty, able to muster pity or compassion for his apparent confusion? Are you unafraid to speak the unfiltered truth? You see, I warned of all the questions we'd face on this trek. I never promised they'd be easy.
A Married Man & his Mistress
Analyzing the Question
While some of you examine this question, including those who are stunned at the sheer boldness & coldness of it's words, allow me to ask another question. One that may help to begin our process of advising with care.
How old is the vice of infidelity? As old as the very beginning of humanity, perhaps? Why is it that infidelity can so readily be referred to as a vice? Who decided, when and how exactly was it determined that infidelity is a dirty word~ and even more despicable an activity?
Too many questions to weigh so rapidly in succession? I apologize. I'll slow down a bit, if you will understand there are dozens more for us to consider in detail, prior to arriving at a sensible response to the main query at hand.
If by chance, you instantly blurted out a knee-jerk response based on your own sense of morality, I will only ask that you reserve this to allow for more open discussion. Often in these cases, we can have a tendency to pull from our own past experiences. From what was for us, an excruciating period in our lives, it's difficult to be less than jaded, cynical to a fault. In defense of our shattered heart and all the others we've known who carry this pain, we're quick to feel the anger and sadness surge within. Do you recognize this happening to you when a wound you thought had healed, is ripped wide open once again? It's O.K. you know. Rest assured you are among friends. We share a demon and hate it in much the same ways.
Human beings by our very nature, however unpleasant some memories can be, we can't seem to erase them from our minds entirely. These painful memories never seem to disappear forever. What we learn to do for self-preservation is push them aside to subdue the pain and muffle the sounds. This may well be the one way we can love again or allow someone to love us.
If nothing else, I have a feeling that some of you are taken aback by the nonchalant attitude this young man seems to demonstrate in presenting his question to what could easily be thousands of individuals. I'll step up to admit that after reading his idea of a struggle in deciding his next step,I was rendered speechless for the first five or ten minutes. This doesn't happen often, though he'll not be congratulated for such a feat.
Are you busting at the seams with what you feel you'd like to say to this fella? It wouldn't be too surprising to discover that some of you too are at least a little stunned. Do you hear yourself thinking, "Is this man seriously asking for a myriad of responses to solve his outrageous situation? Are we the judgemental ones? Do we have such an open mind, we'll handle our response with a calm, logical approach? Yes, more questions.
"Those who stand for nothing, will fall for anything."
Quotes of profound inspiration like the one above uttered by Alexander Hamilton, are often what can give us the courage to state our honest opinion at a time we may be reluctant to do so. Do you fear rejection or insult from the opposition? If so my friend, be prepared to find yourself at the bottom, always being crushed by those much bolder than you are, whether they're wrong or right, malevolent or benevolent. Speak your mind in your own voice as you know it from your heart. Be sincere and confident, ready to defend or explain your belief if necessary.
We have a question before us and the plea from a young man who seeks answers from those who might oblige. I am certain of my reply. Are you willing to express your own? I can agree that often we need to be privy to much more information surrounding a scenario. There may be considerations we'd prefer to know that could direct us toward minor exceptions. When provided with none of the small print, our most sincere and rational response is all that we can give. Hopefully we'll not allow this as an excuse to remain silent, offering no option at all to be considered.
It's time I leave you with your own thoughts. I hope I provided appropriate suggestions you can use in the process without personal influence but instead genuine concern. Please know I appreciate your presence here today and thank you not only for myself but the young man who bared his soul before a crowd of strangers in anticipation of our help.
I wish you the best of health in mind, body & soul as well as limitless peace and happiness.
Repairing broken hearts. Rebuilding bonds.
© 2016 Paula