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Ladies,Your Single after a long Term relationship and Back on the Dating Scene; What to expect

Updated on April 17, 2013

Starting from scratch again

So you just got out of a serious relationship after many years and your dating again. Where do you start? What do you do? Where do you meet your next potential prospect? How much have things changed? How do you present your kids in the picture? These are a few questions that might be spiraling through your head after you just got out of a long term relationship. For some, it is not hard to jump back into the dating scene especially if there might have been some infidelity in the previous relationship. Lets be real, no relationship is perfect, but for others some skill sharpening may be at hand. Times are constantly changing, which cause the whole male and female dynamic to change along with it. Many women are finding it harder and harder to find the so called "good man" when getting back in the dating scene, and some have just given up all together. Throughout this article, I will cover the Do's and Don'ts as well as some helpful pointers towards nabbing that new potential mate.

I just got out of a serious relationship, now what?

For some women who have just got out of a long term relationship, It is strongly urged that you take this time to evaluate your previous relationship and ask yourself, why didn't it work? Don't use this time to jump right into a new relationship, but more importantly get to learn or at least re-learn yourself. Many women make the mistake of trying to fill what they perceive as an empty void by dating a new person right away, when in actuality they need to start off by dating themselves. Try to find out who you are, what makes you happy, and what makes you sad. Take this time to study your habits, both good and bad. As women we need to take into account for our own actions. Use this time to locate some of your flaws in order to help you enter a new relationship with a clearer mindset, so you're less likely to repeat prior bad habits or choosing the wrong person. Spending time with yourself will allow you to get a better perspective on life and the people around you. This experience will also allow you to better distinguish what your likes are from your dislikes. Get in touch with yourself first then after some time, you can dabble in the dating scene again.

What's the best places to find the right guy?

One of the most asked questions when dating again, is wanting to know the best venues to find a mate. Ironically, I find time and time again the best places places to find a man is when your not looking for one at all. What are you babbling about you might be asking yourself. Well have you ever been in your house desperately searching for a particular item, I mean you find that you have turned your house upside down looking for that item but just can't find it anywhere. One day you completely forgotten about that search and stopped looking for it, and that's the day the item ends up finding you, well finding a man is no different. Usually when your on the hunt for a new mate and your constantly telling yourself "I need a man, I need a man". When you try too hard, what ends up happening is you either find one not too interested in you, or you end up with someone not meeting your expectations in the first place, so while it is often shown that when you are not looking for a potential mate, those are the moments when one fall right into your lap. The last thing you would want to do is take whatever comes along and settle. Don't do that to yourself, always remember that slow and steady wins the race, so just pace yourself. Men can pick up on desperation much like how women can, and its not an attractive aroma, so play it cool. However, If you are insistent on a place to meet a potential prospect, I always think its great to go to places that you have great interest in. If you're into the arts, try to frequent the museum more often, if your into comedy, check out a comedy show and don't be scared or feel awkward going alone, after all you are looking for a mate for yourself. You don't want to bring your friends which may draw all the focus and attention off of you.

I have a child/children, when would be the best time to mention them?

It is not unusual to enter the dating scene and have kids, or the person your dating to have kids as well. The issue which becomes a problem for most people is when is the best time to bring up their children. I always feel that if you are on your first date and you see yourself having a reoccurring encounter with this person again, it is pivotal to let them know right away. If there is no interest whatsoever $6, there is no reason to bring up your children unless they ask, however, if the man becomes a person of great interest to you, even if he doesn't ask or bring it up, It is your responsibility to bring up the fact that you have children. Why Should you let him know right away you may ask, this is simple, instantly you are letting your date know that you have someone of great importance in your life and that is your children, which should always come first. At this point his reaction will determine if you will likely have another encounter or not. If the man seems uncomfortable or mood has changed once you mentioned your kids, then there is no need for a second date, however if he welcomes children then a second date can be arranged. Under no circumstances should you allow a man to come in the way of you and your kids, If he doesn't like children then you know that isn't the man for you.

Dating etiquette, what you should and shouldn't do

You made plans with a guy you met, and you want to make sure everything goes well. Below are a list of Do’s and Don’ts, but also keep in mind that sometimes if you do all that your supposed to do, the date may still go bad and this may not even be your fault, the guy may just be a jerk, so its all trial and error at the end of the day. Here are a few pointers to get you ready:

  1. Don’t let the gentleman pick you up from your home. If this man is a person you don’t know very well, be sure to meet him in a well populated venue. He may be a psycho so you don’t want him knowing where you live.
  2. Do be on time. Guys hate when your late and it will make a bad first impression, unless you have a good excuse.
  3. Do wear something that makes you stand out. Wear something nice, aim for conservative yet sexy at the same time. You don’t want your date to get the wrong impression of you, however you want to leave him with something alluring to intrigue him for a future encounter.
  4. Do talk about yourself and interests but be sure to show interest in him as well, ask for his insight about certain topics.
  5. Don’t pretend to not see the check when it arrives, instead offer to assist in paying for some of it. Some women might be saying to themselves, What!? What I assure you is, 9 out of 10 of the time, your date would not let you pay even a portion of the tab (that's if he’s a gentlemen) however, if he takes you up on your offer then some warning signals should go off, signaling either a cheapskate or he may be a moocher. Usually offering to help pay for the dinner shows your date that you are taking initiative and you are caring. This is something that your date will greatly appreciate.
  6. Don’t mention too much on the first date about personal matters. If something is sacred and personal to you, there is no need to bring that up on your first date until you get to know your mates true intentions.
  7. Don’t get too intimate on the first date. Although it is 2013 and women are very independent and free to engage in sexual romps as they desire, it is highly recommended that you wait until you get to know your date better before taking things further. While some men may say that they do not view women any differently if they decide to have sex on the first date, that isn't necessarily the truth, on the contrary they do care. If he is capable if getting so far with you on the first date, the thrill is gone and there is no more need for the chase. Much like the animal kingdom, the thrill rest in the chase, the dating scene is no different.
  8. Do be safe and enjoy each others company.

Will I ever find Mr. Right?

The age old question, "Where do i find Mr. Right"? Well for starters is there even such a thing as a Mr. Right? Sometimes what women fail to do is create these notions in their heads of what the ideal man is, and when she comes across someone close to that but not completely meeting all the criteria, she gets upset. This is not to say that women need to settle but instead be more realistic, meaning if your ideal man is 6 foot tall, educated, financially stable and compassionate, don't be upset if the man you meet is 5 foot 9, hardworking, educated and have a child of his own. In life your not going to get exactly what you want, especially due to the fact that we are all imperfect beings. Expect that their will be some type of baggage if any, but it is ultimately up to you to know what criteria you can deal with, and what would be an absolute deal breaker. Some women have a tendency of wanting a man with money and be successful, but gets upset if he spends long hours at work. Some women want a man that adores them with attention but then ends up calling him too clingy. You need to know what you want. If the man is making an effort and you see that he has potential then work with him, so that you both can help build each other, however if the man seems uninterested, unmotivated, and non-progressive then don't waste your time. Life is too short for short comings.

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    • ArianaLove profile image


      3 years ago

      Though I'm not ready yet, this is a really great article.


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