- Gender and Relationships
Wedding Problems Can Happen
So, it just may have happened that you just said yes, when you were proposed to... Right? Well, congrats! (I'm assuming here. Because you could also be unsure and haven't responded, second guessing, or you could be already married and dwelling on the past. Either one of those situations is not always bad.)
And so begins a tedious journey unlike any other... Wedding planning. There is so much to do, once you set a date. There is so much too think about, to get done. Just so very much to process. There is a lot to put into the wedding you are planning. And each wedding could go wrong, even if in the tiniest, or even stupidest, way. Others are not so lucky and have nothing but major problems. If you're one of those people, in either situation, remember... You are NOT alone. Let me tell you why...
A Bit of a Backstory...
I began my wedding process in July of 2013. My boyfriend of then, who is now my husband, proposed to me in a way he thought was romantic.He took me to his local Temple, showed me around, and then proposed. I felt horrible because there really was nothing romantic. Just... Religion and all about him. But I kept that smile on my face and enjoyed watching him be the happiest man in the world. His family took us out to dinner to celebrate, and talk. My family...Not so much. I told them hours before a two week camping trip. I don't get along with them well. So there went my half of support right on out the window, right away.
Looking back as the months went on, I felt like it was the start of a downhill process from the very moment I said yes.
Many times I have wanted to give up. I quit the planning process time after time again. I admitted defeat. Nothing was going right... I even had a business refuse to help me, as they thought I was a man, marrying another man. (Yes... Discrimination. But it's okay now. The company has since closed it's business in that location. Surprise, surprise.)
In the end, I settled for a January wedding, with hopes no one would show up, as many people were talking negative of me, making downing comments, as I'm considered the black sheep of my family. So, my family helped little to none. The bridal shower I had was a disaster, as my mother refused to hold one for anyone other than her side of the family. (None of my friends could make it in, during the winter. My bridal party was mostly family.)
The grooms side promised me a bridal shower but cancelled that as the grooms sister became pregnant and I became chopped liver. My very own sister also became engaged, months after I did, and I had heard over and over again about them being engaged, as well as their plans. Of course, they were much more supported than me.
And just like the DJ in the previous week before, my photographer cancelled on me the day before my wedding.
Luckily, I found a new DJ. But he ended up making a lot of errors the day of. So did the venue, and the baker who made my cake.
Anything that could go wrong, really actually did go wrong. Dresses and errors --be it mine or the bridesmaids, tuxedos breaking apart, flower orders forgotten and centerpieces unfinished and never set up. The reception venue lost our signing book and a few other things. They also left the room dirty, from the event that was there the night before. And although we had most of it covered, we even struggled with money, as we both lost our jobs at the same time, two months before the wedding. Which didn't help as the venue changed our contract and managers, without telling us. But they did tell us we needed new centerpieces, since ours were no longer okay.
Worst of all... I never had support, at all. And with my husband having a form of Autism, being Aspergers Syndrome, I couldn't always go to him. Nor could he pay attention, or just understand that I was having problems, and that he couldn't comfort me because he had no idea when, or what to do. This was a new problem discovered, and we are trying our best to keep our lives together. It's proving to be rather difficult, now... Being about a year later, as I write this. But no one was there for me. I trudged on, alone.
I wanted to check myself into the psych ward, after my wedding was over. I was so hurt and upset. But as I dug deeper and deeper in to the world of online, I realized something... Not everyone has a perfect wedding. And that's okay. Although my photographer cancelled at last minute, I looked over at the few photos there are, which guests were kind enough to share with us... And there it was. There was the love, between me and my husband, visible enough in those few photographs.
Believe it or not, I realize this is normal. A perfect wedding day, or even the process alone, is like a myth. It just doesn't exist. Something or another will go wrong. The best that we can do is just keep going on. That is what makes us stronger.
The images we see, the stories we hear... When you have what feels like a horrible wedding process, the myth of perfect weddings is not what you want to see or hear. If I could tell any person who is planning there wedding just one thing, I would have to say... Don't believe what you see or hear, how a wedding is supposed to work/happen.
The second thing I really would have to say is listen to the horror stories. Not just to feel better, but just to know you aren't alone. Other people and their problems can be a learning lesson, and source of comfort, for someone else.
The wedding industry is becoming outdated and tradition today is not what is was back then. Today, we are "offbeat", not traditional, and full of different, ever changing ideas as well.
Destination weddings are seeming to become more popular than ever. White is phasing out. And couples are working more and more on their own, making their wedding day about who they are, instead of a beauty pageant with pomp and circumstance. Hopefully, soon, we will begin to see more imperfections, mistakes, "screw-ups" and such, as a normalcy. Maybe then will we realize that this is all normal. This is just the start of a turn-around. And, better yet... There is still one story we have yet to hear about in the world of weddings:
A wedding is only one day. A wedding is not a marriage, and that love really does conquer all.
That is one lesson many forget. We are so caught up in the world today, that we often forget this. A wedding is only one day, and the memory lasts lifetime. But that memory needs to be fueled by love. Especially with the special love you share with your significant other.
I hope that you, dear reader, will not forget this. As you continue to plan, or look back upon, whatever position you are in, just remember that you are not alone. The process is a long and tedious one, even if the engagement is short. It is the love that lasts a lifetime. You are creating a bond that is special and dear. A bond that can never be broken. You are stronger than you know, and you can do this. I know you can. Life makes us stronger every day. And the love you share will strengthen and become stronger, with every effort you make. Don't you ever forget that.
If you ever are feeling that you have become depressed, and/or you are feeling alone, I recommend talking to a professional. Don't ever be scared to do so. Because sometimes, family, or anyone you love, just isn't enough. And that is perfectly okay. It is a step that one can take to feel better; to feel less depressed.
This doesn't always mean it is the connection between you and another getting in the way. It may happen, and if so, it is always good to solve. Other than, it could be that changes are problematic, even in the slightest way, for you. It could just be about anything, that could be causing you to feel this way. And by seeing a professional, it could be relieving for you. It is a step into the right direction, if you feel this is for you. Talking it out with a professional, who is a stranger, can feel amazing for some. I know this is difficult for some to do. Every person is different. And really, the choice is yours. Everything gets better, eventually. And life will always make us a stronger, better person, as days go by.
How was your wedding process (and day of)?
Well... I can only imagine what else went wrong, but I helped cause the venue where I had my wedding to shut down... Apparently, it was worse than I thought. And I didn't think my complaint was that bad... I guess a complaint can be more powerful than one knows of. The owner of the building has actually kicked out those who were renting it, those who made it a venue, and plans to do massive renovations. Afterwards, they plan on renting the building to someone else, who will not leave the place in a barely passing condition. Supposedly, "behind the scenes" was a lot worse than what was presented in front of us. But again, I can only imagine what else went on... So to those who are planning on a wedding... Although it may be one day, maybe check the kitchen area, and other behind the scene areas you wouldn't think to see. After all, you may be renting the room, but you really are just renting the whole place. Sure, it may be a silly thought, but you're getting married and you never know what threats to your health may exist...
(In addition to the room being dirty from the event that was the night before, the place turned out to have pest control issues, kitchen damages, and really just should have been shut down. I feel bad for exposing my guests to that place.)
© 2015 Kryssy Bruckheimer