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Sociopaths Lie. Always. With one Exception.

Updated on November 16, 2015

Sociopaths Lie. Always. WIth One Exception.

When a sociopath says… well, anything – they’re lying. Always. With one exception. It’s because of one trait sociopaths and normal humans share: We both reveal our character. We can’t help it.

What someone is all about comes out, guaranteed from the smile we have, the changing emotional reactions in our eyes to the things around us, in comments, spontaneous remarks or actions we take. – Or in the case of a sociopath the truth comes out in bizarre half spoken phrases interjected almost haphazardly and seemingly out of context.

Normal people might show who they are when someone standing near us drops something, who bends down to pick it up for them? When a mother and a baby and a stroller are at a doorway at the same time we are, who opens the door for them? When we hear someone is ill, who says, “Oh, poor Becky, I hope she’s better soon… I wonder if she needs anything?” – And who then takes her juice and soup? --- Who tears up at commercials showing little puppies being abused? Children going hungry? At sad endings? At happy endings?! – I’ll tell you who: Those with empathy. This is what sociopaths recognize in us, but do not feel. There is nothing that makes them cry. There is no one they feel empathy for. They do know how to spot this trait however, because they need it to exist at high levels in the prey they need for survival.

Believe it When the Sociopath says: “You Only Think You Love Me.”

Sociopaths tell us the truth about themselves in bizarre glimpses. Statements so far-fetched and out of the range of normal we can't comprehend the meaning and so brush it aside, tuck it under the rug with all the other oddities we’re collecting during our time with them.

Saying, “You only think you love me.” Sounds to us like we need to do more to convince them we care. And – we do more. We yearn for them to know how devoted we are. So in this instance telling the exceptional truth gets them more from us. Behind that exceptional truth is another meaning. We feel it in the shiver that goes through us as we respond, “Of, course I love you!!” and vow to prove it. Their real meaning is: “I’m not who you think I am.” And their black hearts smolder at pride in giving us a quick look behind their fake sugar-sweet exterior. They roil with delight at our ignorance. They think they are amazing and pat their own crooked backs.

They might say: "You're the best thing that ever happened to me." And indeed we are. Whatever we’re chosen for, whatever we’re a gateway to, is a part of their deluded goals from their next meal to a new leather jacket to the latest iPhone. - In that sense we are the best thing that ever happened to them.

They may want us for green cards to a new country more than anything they ever wanted. They may want to live in the neighborhood we live in more than anything they’ve ever craved. They may want the car we drive more than anything they’ve ever coveted.

While we feel petted and loved and give over more of ourselves at the declaration we think, “Wow! He (or she) really does love me!!” - because let’s face it, we’ve been wondering - they’re rubbing their slimy little paws ‘n claws together, muttering under their fetid breath, in glee: “I did it!!! I DID IT!!! Stupid, ugly, dumb-ass human! I showed myself and they can’t even see meeeeee!!!”

You Only Think You Love Me
You Only Think You Love Me

Sociopaths Talk Alike - and Look Alike.

Sociopaths target the prey they go after for specific amazing and honorable traits, such as: Loyalty. Compassion. Empathy. Honesty. Devotion. Faith. Commitment. Kind heartedness. Optimism. Valuing relationships. Believing in “Love for Life.” Longing for a real relationship. Having experienced loss of some kind. Holding hope for a better life. Being extroverted. Being open-minded. Being care-free. Believing in second chances. Generosity. A supportive nature. For being giving. For being loving.

These nasty, parasitic, succubus, malevolent demons need our wonderful traits in order to survive. They need us to stand by their side, defend them, feed them, prop up and propel their dirty lives forward. They recognize a juicy morsel of a great human being when they smell it.

Sociopaths Look for Unhealed Loss, Illness, or Tragedy.

Sociopaths can sense our goodness and our vulnerability. In addition to looking for a strong streak of empathy in their victims they need someone who relates to loss. Someone who has gone through grieving for a loved one, or experienced their own or a loved one’s illness or tragedy. They look for those who have empathy on a large scope for groups of people such as refugees, the hungry, even abused animals. And they look for deep empathy on a micro level within someone’s personal life. They mine the depths of unresolved grief and the shadowy or vibrant memories of loss.

Sociopaths test our empathy by telling their own tale of woe. Many times it’s a story of their abuse they (did not) suffered as a child, or some grief or longing related to their mother – who they dearly love. They seem so human. They are lying. There are only those rare and strange exceptions during which they tell the truth, and the jury is out as to whether it’s intentional or accidental, or for anything other than their own amusement.

Side Step Sociopaths.

Learn to recognize these creeps from a mile away. Study the characteristics of a sociopath. Reframe encounters with a sociopath through their minds rather than with our human way of thinking and caring – this flips our comprehension of them to a new understanding. They are monsters. They show us. Take what they say in that odd moment that doesn’t seem to fit into place as their one exceptional truth. Interpret it from the mind of a sociopath. When they recognize a human who knows what they are – they stay away.

Put up a no tolerance for lies and manipulation zone around our gorgeous selves and hold our heads up high!!! Embrace our lives.

Put our compassion, care, loyalty and goodness around ourselves.


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    • profile image


      20 months ago

      I WAS a successful women but succesfful women who are/were married to narcissists sociopaths are not treated as individuals. You are the ultimate living narcissistic supply. What could be better for a narcissist sociopath to have a woman at his side who projects the perfect image and enhances the narcissist's persona in business and public life. I had my own profession and career. I deserve tremendous credit for all of the smart work I have done to build my professional status and to achieve the respect of business associates. Despite the excellent work I was doing and what I was achieving and mastering, my now EX narcissistic spouse is never impressed. He used my work status as a way of embroidering his image but in private I am/are demeaned and treated like an inferior.

      Sociopath narcissists are incapable of empathy or intimacy of any kind. The spouse is an object that the narcissist possesses. While I was married to the narcissist I felt like I was leading his life not my own. Sociopath narcissistic husbands are often very envious of their wives. Mine perceives me as a possible power threat in the relationship. I was wornn down by the constant unrelenting put downs, verbal assaults, humiliating remarks and attempts to high jack my personal and professional life. I had become so subdued and brainwashed forced to ask permission from my ex sociopath even in making personal decisions.

      After spending a number of years married to a narcissist, I had become emotionally, psychologically and physically exhausted. There is very little respite. I couldn't wait for my narcissistic spouse to leave for work or business trips. I would count the hours before departure. It was not until the marriage had ended that I can finally recognize that I don't deserve to be treated like an object or possession. This is when it was so important to make the critical decision to renew my life by distancing myself from the past imprisonment of marriage to a sociopath narcissist and re-discover that I am a unique individual who deserves respect, the use of all of the creative gifts and islands of inner peace. The journey is worth the challenge it often takes to extricate yourself as much as possible from your sociopath narcissistic EX-spouse. Keep your concentration and focus on your goal---reclaiming the person you were born to become.

      The good news is one day you will heal but a sociopath will always be a sociopath.

    • profile image


      20 months ago

      Neverthoughtthis I know it's been a while but your story and the person you describe sounds eerily similar to the person I have experienced over these last 7/8 months. I too am in Europe. Can you share his name on here or at least his country of origin please, or something to see if this is one and the same person?

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      OH MY SOUL!! OMG OMG OMG how blind have i been!! i need therapy for sure. i have started believing all the bull about myself, old, over the hill, stupid, pathetic, clingy to name just a few.

      to you 'neverthoughtthis' you made me realise this with what that devil was doing to you. now its time for me to get out.

    • Aunt Mair profile image

      Aunt Mair 

      2 years ago from Whittier

      i sometimes fear that i am a sociopath. its horrifying.

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      oh, you mean when I said "if you go around with a hammer you will see nails everywhere"? No, he is European and in Europe

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      Marisa - not sure if you are referring to me...which hammer?

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      How old is this guy and is he from Texas because he sounds like my boyfriend "the hammer remark" is just so identical to what he says to me!?!?!

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      I am warning the oblivious: feeling sorry for them does not help you or them. Nothing helps. The only lesson is: survive, build a new circle, keep fighting for your kids. They are empty shelves. Ask God to help them and stay away from them as far as you can.

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      Sometimes I look back at conversations I had with him and I get so shocked. He told me that his dream is to have sex with a pregnant woman.....then we were talking and this is how the conversation goes:

      Me: why do you use sometimes a full stop in your sentences?

      Him: it's an artefact of formerly complete grammar.

      Me: come on, not on a chat

      Him: leave me alone

      Me: wow

      Him: I can punctuate or not. without you hacking at me.

      Me: hacking?????

      Him: well, let's call it a mild provokation

      He seemed to always snap at me, as if he was so many times angry. Well, one time he said "I told you that I am a sex addict and a grumpy grouch but you treat me as if I was a criminal."

      He also said "I never claimed to have manners. what irrational expectations are you projecting onto me?!. I never promised you a gentleman."

      One time I created a fake profile to see how he talked to other women and when I asked what is he like he said "I don't have to be cool, that should tell you a lot about me".

      Another time he asked me what I was reading and I said that I was reading about Aspergers and Personality Disorders in Modern Life because I like Psychology. Then he said "Damn" and I asked why he said "damn". He replied "if you go around with a hammer you will see nails every where and you will see personality disorders every where". I told him to visit a Psychologist for his obsessions and he said he is happy with his obsessions because he doesn't suffer from sex and online computer games.

      One time I asked him what he is doing online if he has a gf and he said "looking for the one" and he added "I am not the right one yet".

      I really don't know what to make out of all these and many more things he told me all along.......

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      Sometimes I wonder the following - ok, I come here to a site about sociopaths and you explain your story and maybe just because I told it in a place for sociopaths people automatically say he sounds sociopathic. If I posted say, on a neutral page/site such as problems in relationships or difficult relationships, etc. would people still say the same, i.e. that he sounds like a sociopath? Sometimes I am afraid to be told he is a sociopath just because the place you come to should be for sociopaths. How would I know and I have forever wondered about this, that he is not just the typical jerk that lies and cheats on women? Does anyone see anything that could go further than being a jerk? I get so confused at times.

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      The very funny thing is that he told me on a couple of occasions that respect is even more important to him than to me and that mutual respect and trust are critical for him. He also told me that there is disrespect in his current "relationship" with gf. I mean, he cheats on her constantly. He himself uttered this literally "I have been cheating all my life as many people do, it is nothing extraordinary". He did what he did with me and he tells the word how respect is so important to him!!!!

    • truelovescam profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer Smith 

      2 years ago

      I jumped to the True Love Scam Facebook Messages to continue... See you there! : )

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      What does his comment mean when I asked if he loves his gf now "well....yes, at least that is what I tell her and that is what I tell myself"???? and why is he with her (over a year now although in a distance relationship) if he says she is too stupid to get a job/visa and that she is simple minded and that she wants to marry and he doesn't to then tell me that he was thinking of getting married in October?

      And this email the other day, I got so scared....I know he wrote it saying "with immediate effect" so that if I write more to him he can tell the police he asked me to stop writing because up to now despite me writing to him a lot he had never asked me not to do it in which case it is not illegal, I guess.

      Really, does he sound sociopath? You also mention the torturing part. To which events do you refer with showing "torture"?

    • truelovescam profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer Smith 

      2 years ago

      Ooooh!! That's great! You dodged a huge, huge mess.

      Sociopaths do smear their victims after... There are 5 stages of true love scam whether we're with them 5 days or 50 years they go through thee same cycle. They do sometimes go to police or try to get restraining orders -thought they are not the victims they think they are and put that out in the world. He'll be talking badly about you as he did the other "GF". Sometimes they make yup a composite of "Girlfriends" based on many people they've scammed or things they think sound good and maybe heard from somewhere else and use it to make up a background of "GF" for themselves.

      What I mean is - They don't have girlfriends. Sociopaths don't have relationships. They don't love any one. They are incapable. Their brain doesn't process like, love, care, concern, compassion. Just doesn't exist in them.

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      I am not with him. He blocked me because I told him I would not fly to meet beaters or people who talk about rape. His reply was "or threesome, or gagging, or fisting, or bondage". I had only been with him 10 days before those comments. He never ever talked to me again. I kept sending messages in desperation asking for at least an explanation and to not go hitting a "block" button. He never replied. Only last Friday I got an email from him and I was shocked. It was sort of formal and he said "Hi "name and surname", I want no more contact with you. No replies of any kind, with immediate effect and then he signed with his name and surname. Initially, I replied to him in anger with about 10 emails telling him how in the name of God he dares asking me what to do when he has done what he liked. Then, when I reflected I thought why he would write in such a polite manner using both my name and surname and his name and surname. Then I got the fear it might be for the Police.

      The thing about the make up and jewelery I believe it to be true. He doesn't like this on women and I know his gf wears it. I don't get it how he is with his gf if he complained about her, called her simple minded, stupid, etc.

    • truelovescam profile imageAUTHOR

      Jennifer Smith 

      2 years ago

      You don't say if you're still with him or not...? I hope you are not. This guy without a doubt is a sociopath and possibly sliding into psychopath territory. -- That he is a sociopath is evident from the first half or your first sentence. The rest indicates someone who likes to torture - this is where things cross the boarder into psychopath. -- All the bizarre things he said are the truth. --- This guy has never had any "love of his life" All the positive sounding things are lies. Always. Sociopaths do not have a life they can be open about. And anything that is an accomplishment or success is made up and or made on the backs of and stealing from others. All sociopaths lie about previous "relationships",

      Everyone in their life is a victim of their scamming and defrauding. The story about the GF and the make-up and wanting a pure girl was made up. Yes he has TONS of other victims and yes he is cruel to them and sex is rape for them with him and he loves no one.

      --- All sociopaths are alike. Their tactics are identical. Some are more violent than others. Some are not violent at all. Psychopaths are violent with great planning and deliberation.

      Check these blog posts:

      DIY Guide to a Sociopaths Psyche

      20 Characteristics of a Sociopath

      PTSD After a Sociopath

      Sociopaths Sex Lives

      Sociopaths Other Women

      Sociopaths Sexual Boundaries

      Why we Believe the Lies of a Sociopath

      Leaving a Sociopath - 5 Break Up Musts

      Sociopaths & No Contact

      Blocking a Sociopath on Facebook - DIY Guide

      Reframing the Nightmare with a Sociopath

      All on the truelovescam blog. Their is a blog in addition to the FB page you found.

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      And I thought to also say as it may relate to this article an important thing. I asked him if he loved his gf and his answer was "well, least that is what I tell her and that is what I tell myself". At the time I thought this was a joke of an answer. Then he went onto say that for him it is hard because 10 years ago he met the love of his life and that after 1 night's sleep and mediation and pray he proposed marriage to her. Her family objected because he was still a student and could not give her much security and they preferred she married the other fiance (apparently another guy). My guy said that he knew he would die if he couldn't be with her and that in fact he died. He told me that the nice guy died. Apparently, he said that the girl called him after she married crying and that she told him she would divorce her new husband because she loved him. Ok, obviously this didn't happen. I asked him if they were going out and he said "what do you mean go out?". Of course, I explained going out as gf and by as it is normal when you propose marriage to someone. He didn't seem to understand what I was asking. And then he said "I didn't know her, I just knew I would die if I couldn't be with her". I was in dismay. This story's aim was to tell me that since then he cannot have such feelings for anyone else anymore and thus, his answer when I asked him if he loves his current gf.

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      In addition to all this there is something that I am really scared about. One day we talked for 3 hours and he really confessed having this gf (this was after we met the first time in person). He was going to tell me something else about him and then he said that he had learnt that some things are better kept for one self because once you say something it cannot be untold and that knowing about things has a price and consequences. He also told me how he told a previous gf about it and she couldn't take it and broke up with him. He told me "can you think of something you are not very proud of and wouldn't want anyone to know?". Once he also told me how he had to give me time restrictions to talk because he had to talk to his gf in the evenings so that she wouldn't ask questions and he said how this was an example (the gf thing) but that there were other restrictions but that he had to filter information because he could not tell me everything about him.

      I couldn't even remember but one day reading our conversations I saw how we were talking about zoos and he said that he hates zoos because they are like prisons. I said I didn't like zoos much either and then he literally said "if you ever live in a prison you will never go to a zoo again". Between this comment and the other stuff he didn't want to tell me about him I don't know what to think.

      He was always telling me how he wanted a pure woman who didn't need to wear make up and jewelry to feel beautiful. He told me that he was fighting with his gf all the time because he didn't want her to arrive with make up and jewerly when she visited him.

      He met her in October 2014 for 1 week for the 1st time and then again in December 2014. In January he flew to another country to have sex with a stranger. In February 2015 he contacted me for the first time. In March his gf visited him and in April he came over to meet me. He would send me text messages a few months later telling me he was having sex (if I asked where he was because he wasn't replying to my messages) or how one day he drove to the country next door to have sex with a woman or that one day he had 2 blind dates.

      There is so much. I don't know what I was dealing with. Does he sound like a psychopath? Please, any help would be so welcome. People do not understand, really.

      He told me that he was sick of his gf, that she is simple minded, that she wants to get married and he doesn't. He said she is too stupid to get a job and visa to go to his country (they are from different continents and the easy way out for her to be with him would be to marry). He told me they fight and break up all the time, that there is disrespect and that he doesn't want to marry for the sick reason of a visa. He cheats on her all the time. Then one day in July I asked him when he is getting married and he said "I was thinking of getting married in October and my parents will get shocked when I tell them". Then I asked if he was really getting married then and he said "I said I was thinking". 2 weeks later I asked him what he looks for in a partner for a long lasting relationship and he said "who says I want long lasting relationships?", "my relationships don't last". How could he say this when weeks before he had told me he was thinking of getting married?

      I also talked to a woman he had been with 3 years ago and she told me that he told her all what she wanted to hear. She wanted children so he told her he wanted kids with her. The woman realised he was cheating on her and left him but she told me how she saw weird things in his flat such as souvenirs from different girls all aligned in pairs. When I was with him at his house it was late at night and he made me wash my hair because he said that I had flown (for 90 minutes) and there is bacteria on airplanes. I thought he was joking and I told him I wouldn't and then by the way he looked at me and he said "I am serious" I felt a creepy feeling and scared to the point that I went and washed my hair".

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      Sorry, if this is long. I am still struggling badly with this. I would really appreciate if anyone has any insight/opinion on what I was dealing with. I have thought of Psychopathy and Narcissism but I don't know.

      I met him over the internet and he is from another country (both of us in Europe though). We talked about travelling and I told him how I would like to visit the area he lives and he quickly told me to jump in a plane and visit him there, which I thought was weird at such an early stage. Anyway, we started talking on Skype and this was in February.

      He told me he had a long distance relationship (gf) with someone in another continent and that they had met twice only. He said they fight all the time and break up every day and that he hates make-up and that he fought with gf every day over her wearing make-up. I really thought this gf wasn’t serious and that perhaps he was making up he had a gf in order for me not to get too attached to him. All this sounded strange to me. He told me he was a sex addict and online game addict, that he is hostile, impatient, insatiable and he said he had met his “gf” last October. Over Xmas he was with her too and only in January he flew to another country to have sex with a woman. Then, the gf visited him in March and to cut the story short, he flew to me in April just for the 1 day. At the start, I didn’t give it much importance, as I didn’t really want anything serious with him. After he left he told me he was really happy he met me, that he was really happy I was the way I was and that he basically had a great time. Only the next day we talked on Skype and we agreed I would go over to his country to meet him in 6 weeks’ time.

      Thing is he only wants to spend 36 hours maximum with me because he says he has other things to do and to call his gf because otherwise she gets suspicious if he is missing for too long. This was unacceptable but as it was only the second time we met I thought not to give it much thought as I thought he perhaps wanted to know me slowly and not to spend too much time at the start. He seemed happy that he was going to see me again but weeks before I flew over he started to hang up on me on Skype whenever I said something he didn’t want to talk about. I asked him what he thought of me and he always answered that he doesn’t like me fishing for compliments. He started to give me time limits to talk on Skype, sometimes he would count down and then he would hang up on me. He would tell me I needed to structure my talk and talk about interesting things. One day he told me he gave me 4 minutes to talk and at minute 3.30 he hung up. Then he said that I didn’t know how to use the time he gave me and that if I wasted 4 minutes like that he wouldn’t give me more next time. It became all really nasty, basically.

      I had already bought my air ticket and anyway I was about to cancel it but I flew over. It was only for 36 hours that we met and the day I was leaving I asked him if we would see each other again. He said he didn’t know and then took me to the airport. I was there saying good bye and he was just there for 5 minutes and I wanted him to stay a bit longer till I left. He got really angry, he looked at my face in such a cold way and told me I was being very clingy and that it was over forever, that we would never talk again. I was so shocked so traumatized. Then he walked away and didn’t even look back.

      When I arrived he asked if I had arrived safely and we talked on Skype but he still said it was over. He told me that I spoilt things while I was there, that it was my fault. He said I made him run away, that how I could be so clingy at the airport, he said that I made him pay 3 Euros for parking at the airport when he wanted to go quickly. He constantly told me to change myself, he said how I could undermine his authority, whenever I asked when we could talk he says that he doesn’t know, not now, not today. He blocked me several times on whatsapp and Skype. He many times told me I am ignorant, a bad listener or that I have bad memory. When I ask questions that don’t suit him he tells me to change topic. He even said I had to make an appointment to talk to him.

      Then anyway, we got back talking and so many times when he is not available to talk he tells me that he wasn’t answering because he was having sex with such and such. Even a weekend after me visiting him he told me how he brought another woman to his house and he was doing with her the same things he did with me. I texted him one day and he said he was driving and that he was *f a girl in another country.

      I visited him a third time in his country (and last time for me) because 36 hours is all he offers me and now he even says that it can’t be 2 nights but only one (and this is considering I fly from one country to another spending at least 400/500 Euros for 36 hours). I touched him with a packet of paper tissues on his head and he got really angry, he told me I have no empathy and that I am crazy, that that was really bad and that he is so sensitive to noise. I couldn’t believe the way he was reacting plus I told him I didn’t know that about him so it is not like I did it on purpose. He said that the fact I didn’t do it on purpose was irrelevant and that anyone would get annoyed by something like that. I was trying to rationalise with him till he said that then in order for me to understand he would have to beat me. Hours later we went to the mountains and he was holding my hand and hugging me and looking at me as if there were feelings somehow.

      Whenever I ask if we will talk he says that maybe, no guarantee or that we will but that he could be wrong. He is always the one who makes the call. Whenever I call him he doesn’t answer. I said to him to call me sometime and he said “only when I want to!” I asked why I can never call him and he said that I can but then when I asked why he never answers when I call he says “because I didn’t want to”. And then he said “appreciate it, that I call you”

      Well, there are so many things he has told me that it is unreal and I don’t know what to think anymore.

      I always saw he is manipulative, etc but the “beating me” part, that really scared me. I saw another side of him I never thought I would.

      While I was there with him this last time there was a time when he grabbed me in a rough way, I told him he was hurting me and to stop but he didn’t. He had sex with me at that time and I didn’t feel well about it. I was thinking for myself that that felt a bit like being forced somehow. Coincidentally, the next morning he brought up (out of the blue) the topic of raping. My brother in law had called him months before to tell him that the way he was treating wasn’t right and this guy told me that morning (after grabbing me roughly the night before) that my brother in law had accused him of raping women. I was shocked because I know my brother in law never said this to him and what a coincidence! he brings that up after the previous night I sort of felt that way.

      Ok, then, he told me to watch the scene of Maleficient movie where Angelina Jolie’s wings are cutt off. He said: “mind, I didn’t cut your wings off”. I hadn’t watched the movie and didn’t have a clue what this was about and then I read on google that the movie actually is about abuse and that particular scene is a metaphor for rape. I have no clue what he is trying to tell me but he clearly said he didn’t cut off my wings.

      In August we were sending some messages on whatsapp and he basically told me that he won’t meet me again, that it was out of the question because I push him out of his comfort zone and I interfere with his social network. I was so hurt at the cold way he was talking to me plus he had said something I didn’t understand and he told me I was illiterate, stupid and dead slow on the uptake. He also told me I am useless. At that moment I went and I told him that he might not meet again because I interfere with his whores but that I won’t meet him again because I don’t meet beaters. Straight away he blocked me on whatsapp and Skype.

    • profile image


      2 years ago


    • dashingscorpio profile image


      2 years ago

      Conmen come in all shapes and sizes.

      Gaining people's trust and betraying them on all levels has been going on since the dawn of mankind. The term sociopath sounds too sophisticated of a term to apply to these types of people.

      Nevertheless each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      No one can ride your back unless you bend over.

      It helps to acknowledge "red flags". However "red flags" mean absolutely nothing if one has NOT established their own "deal breakers" or "boundaries" as part of their mate selection process!

      Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.

      Until one knows who "they are" and what they want/need in a mate/friend they should avoid pursuing a relationship/friendship.

      It's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

      Taking responsibility for your choices is empowering. However if one insists upon only playing the "blame game" they're likely to keep repeating their same mistake. After all they are blind to acknowledging (their part) in it.

    • profile image

      Kim Sow 

      2 years ago

      Darcy. I could not read all your post. I deal with victims of sociopaths every day and was a victim too. It took a of of time and counselling to understand how I got caught up in this relationship and the part I had to play - It takes two to Tango. One of my problems was that I was reading Red Flags but did not know how to read them. In your post you are clearly reading the Red Flags but can't see that you have to disentangle. You are intellectualising, still hoping that you can teach him and it comes across that you have made him a project. You need Therapy. You need to cut him out from your life as if he were a gangrenous arm. You cannot fix him because he cannot be fixed but you can, with work, understand why you as a clever, lovely funny woman have fallen for a man incapable of love and can't let go despite clearly seeing his sickness. Take yourself away from your situation and imagine what you would feel if you read about such behaviour described in a court case or newspaper about another man. You would immediately recognise he was very ill and beyond repair. Time to separate. But you know this.


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