- Gender and Relationships»
Strange Issues facing African Marriages
There are solid African Marriages, but the percentage is not high.
The Culture in Africa is that the man is the head of the house. Two people can’t wear the trousers but that is not to say he should treat the wife as a maid. It’s just an honour given to a man and he should respect and cherish his wife. As in the olden days and even in most western cultures, the wife normally looks after the home and kids, but it shouldn’t be an issue if she works.
It bothers me that a lot of Africans change when they get to Europe or travel abroad. I have heard/read so many stories, I could write a book.
Eviction from Matrimonial home
Some women are so humble in Africa, but once they set foot in Europe and grow in confidence (sometimes the wrong confidence, due to friends they mingle with). They actually end up throwing the husband out of the house. You dare not do that in Africa. I think the Law in Europe favours women and they take advantage of it. There's a little argument - they call the police and say they don’t want the Husband in the house. This is a man who has spent years working to buy a house, paying mortgage and bills. What do the police do?
Police: "Excuse me Sir, please can you leave, she said she doesn’t want you in the house".
The husband has no choice but to leave. Some stay with friends, some sleep in the car, some have a mental breakdown, while she stays in the house and claims Government benefit as a single parent, which the government are so generous with. These days you can claim for kids who are not even in the country - both Common Wealth and EU.
Interference of Outsiders
There are also many occasions when people intervene and tell the husband that the wife is a witch and he needs to leave her. How did they find out? They refer to some occultic “church” vision. Sometimes, he does leave or she leaves and the marriage is over, regardless of children. Some even accuse the innocent children of couples of being witches. I don’t know if anyone has seen the program on innocent African children being accused of being witches and tortured. Details.
A Sweet Couple on their Wedding Day
Webs of Deceit
It’s a double sided coin. There are some reasonable African men out there but still some married ones who try it on with singles. I guess this is because they are allowed to have more than one wife, but it creates havoc and enmity between siblings. I have met such people. If you ask them, if they are married, the response is: “It Depends!” and if they admit they are and you respond that you can’t go out with a married man. The answer is usually: “she doesn’t need to know”.
Sadly, some ladies give in, as men shower them with money and there are babies everywhere. The painful side of this, is that when he: buggers off, excuse me – when he dies - As the Will is being read, Kids that the main wife has never heard of before, start appearing from nowhere, claiming he is their dad which is true, but totally heartbreaking for the woman who thought she built her life with an honest man. What is she to do? Dig him up from the grave and give him a good telling off?
In summary, I plead:
1) Ladies, be patient with your man. It’s not necessary to call the Police on him, unless you were physically abused. Even if you are a Bank Manager and he is a Postman, it’s not nice to belittle.
2) Family members, mind your Business. If the wife hasn’t had a baby within one year of marriage, there’s no need to gang up on her or put pressure on the man to marry a second wife to conceive. Stop accusing every Tom, Dick and Harry of being a Witch. Some lovely African wives have maybe 4 daughters, but no - the husband's family will give her no rest until she has a son. This is why in UK, hospitals have stopped telling African families the sex of the child they are expecting as they might terminate it.
3) African Men – permit me to say, if you stay faithful, you’ll enjoy marriage till the end of your life. Why do you need one wife and so many concubines or other little wives – multiplying trouble for you and your children in future. Recent Example 2010 : A Senator marrying a 13 year old girl. Read: Philipo's Hub.
OK, my last Hub was about Age not making a difference in a relationship but this 13 year old, would be his 4th wife.
Another Sweet couple on their Wedding Day - I wish them well...
Let’s not go there in this Hub… However, for everyone reading, I wish you a Blissful marriage and for any single, I hope you trip on a Kiss and fall madly in love, forever…