Getting Over A Workplace Crush:15 Smart Ways To Go About It
Getting Over A Workplace Crush
You Can Have a Crush On Someone At Work
It is possible to have a crush on someone at work even if they are not available for a relationship. For some reasons, sometimes due to the policies of the company you work for, or due to the fact that you are involved in a relationship with someone else, or because the person you are interested in is in a serious relationship with another person, it is impossible to act on your feelings and develop a romantic relationship with the person you are attracted to.
It can be heart-wrenching to let go of your feelings but you face have to face reality and do the wise thing—which is to forget about the target of your feelings and get on with your life.
So how do you deal with a crush at work?
Acknowledge Your Feelings
It may be extremely difficult to relate to the emotions you are feeling when all those hormones are bursting through your body and the attraction for that man or woman is so strong. You may feel that you should do nothing about your feelings and you will feel fine.
Should you act on a workplace crush to solve the problem? Yes. Decide to take active steps to solve the problem so that you can have peace of mind to work.
Accept the fact that your feelings are nothing strange. Workplace crushes are normal, once you have people of the opposite sexes working together.
Others Are Going Through It
For every situation that you go through in life, and for anything that happens to you, there are lots of other people in life who are also going through your same situation. As the Bible puts it, ‘’No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.’’(1 Corinthians 10v 13).
Look for people who are also trying to deal with a crush at their workplace. This is the time to seek knowledge on this subject. Browse the internet and look for stories of people who are also struggling to deal with their crush on a coworker. Do they give information on how to stop a workplace crush? What are some of the coping strategies they are using in dealing with a workplace crush? How are they coping with an inappropriate workplace crush? Pay attention to the steps they are taking to endure the situation, imbibe what works for you, and apply it.
You may also read books on the subject, and watch movies that address the issue.
Evaluate Your Feelings
Before you can solve any problem in life, you first have to see it as a problem which needs to be solved before you can do anything about it. Therefore before you can move on, you have to admit to yourself that you are strongly attracted to that junior worker, supervisor, or that boss.
Think about what made you feel attracted to that coworker. Was it his intelligence? Is it the way she dresses? Is it because he or she has power and you are attracted to people with power? Carefully consider why you have feelings for the person. This is very critical in ending a workplace crush.
When you are caught up in a romantic fantasy, you usually do not “think straight.” You tend to put on emotional blinders and see only what you want to see. But if you would see reason and see things the way they really are, you will escape from this state.
Look carefully and coldly at the facts before you. Think about it. Is it really possible for a real romance to develop between the two of you? Is he or she married? Will he or she divorce their spouse just to get involved with you? These are some of the questions you should ask yourself.
If your coworker has failed to show interest in you, what makes you believe that things will change in the future? You are just wasting your time and emotions. You can humiliate yourself if you aggressively pursue this coworker who is not interested in you.
If you want to get over a workplace crush, you must learn to understand the disappointment, and put it in the proper perspective. See the disappointment as a treasure; a treasure because it will test your patience, emotional strength, and ability to let go of things. Your character and maturity will emerge out of this disappointment stronger and richer than ever before. Later in life you may face situations in which you have to let go of some things, and this test will prepare you for those times.
You will need to exercise patience, if you are successfully going to deal with a workplace crush. Patience is to accept the misfortune that you have suffered, to tell yourself you will not allow it to affect your focus on your work, to decide to press on, and to determine to succeed at your job, even though you feel like giving up, and feel lonely. You must decide to be persistent and bravely bear the disappointment without losing heart and giving up.
Read the story of Job in the Bible and study how he decided to be patient, even though he was going through terrible suffering. And consider the blessings he received after he was able to go through it, and let it inspire you to want to go through, knowing good things will happen to you too if you persevere.
Too many times we permit a wrong attitude towards our disappointments. We have a tendency to lament our lot in life when we face disappointment. We pity ourselves. We compare ourselves with other people in relationships who seem less troubled than we are.
Just setting your jaws, and gritting your teeth, and holding on with a downcast spirit will not do much to help you. Instead, make a choice to relax, and long beyond today at tomorrow, knowing a brighter day will come tomorrow.
Starve Him, or Her, of Your Time
Your crush may want to spend time in your presence, but you must consciously deprive him of these opportunities by becoming a busybody. Make sure every moment of your time at the workplace is occupied. If you have free time, offer to do jobs for your work colleagues so that you can keep absolutely busy. Do not give your crush a chance to be able to come near you.
Visit Lonely People
One thing you can do to get over a workplace crush is to find people who are also feeling lonely, and encouraging them. Examples of lonely people you can visit are widows and orphans.
Identify about two or three orphans or widows, and spend some time with them. Let them tell you about some of the problems they are facing in their daily life. If you can personally do something about it, or if you can mobilize support for them from your friends or work colleagues, do so. The activity, and the feeling that you are doing something worthwhile for other people, will give you satisfaction, and will replace the hurt feelings you experienced when you realized you could not make anything out of your relationship with your crush. Also, as you listen to the unfortunate people, it will make you see how fortunate you are in life. It will make you grateful for the blessings you have, and you will see your pain as something small and let it go.
Cultivate Joy in Your Life
You must cultivate joy if you want to successfully get over a workplace crush.
Joy does not depend on the circumstances you are going through. It is the quiet, confident assurance of God’s love and work in your life, the certainty that He will be there at your side no matter what happens to you, and that He still loves you despite who does not love you. Having joy will take your mind off the hurt, pain, and disappointment, and replace it with a feeling of being loved by Someone.
How can you have joy?
- You can have joy when you have the right attitude of your mind.
- Have a single mind. The single mind signifies the attitude of single-hearted devotion to Jesus. You must make it your highest priority to serve Jesus, and as a result, the difficulties you encounter will not rob you of joy. The reason why we are so often distracted by disappointments and fail to experience joy is that we do not cultivate a single mind.
- Cultivate a spiritual mind. Take the things of God seriously. When the focal point of your joy is the hope of a blessed future, you do not worry too much when you face disappointments. Your hope for the future acts like the shock absorbers of a car, absorbing the disappointment easily so that you can get on with your life, because you always remember God’s love for you is greater than the love any human will exhibit towards you.
- Have a secure mind. Do not allow your mind to be pulled in various directions. Fix it to God’s Word and you will not worry about what has happened to you too much.
You may feel that you have wasted precious time, or wasted your emotions, on your crush. This feelings can make you upset with yourself, and cause emotional upheavals in your spirit, which can disturb you mentally and make it difficult to concentrate on your work, which may lead to poor performance at work. The result could be that you could be fired. So, you need to deal with these feelings.
One way you can deal with this situation is to forgive yourself. To forgive means you dismiss, or acquit, or loose yourself from the injustice of wasting your time and emotions on your crush. It means you give up your feeling of resentment and anger towards yourself, and restore a feeling of favor and affection for yourself again.
How do you forgive yourself?
- Remind yourself that you are still human, and therefore will make mistakes from time to time. Wasting your emotions on your crush was one of such mistakes. Say, “I accept that I made a terrible mistake. I have learnt my lessons and will not repeat them ever again,” very often to yourself.
- Say something such as, “Ike, I forgive myself for wasting all this time, and my precious emotions, on Rebekah. It was a bad mistake I made. I will never make anything such as this happen again. I release myself from the frustration and pain of wasting my time. I determine to control my emotions and move on. The past is gone . I resolve to move forward.”
- Think about your good qualities. Remind yourself that you have many good sides, and remind yourself of the good things you have done for others. It will make you realize you can do good again, and so motivate you to go on.
- Decide to forget it. Come to the conclusion that you have forgiven yourself. Whenever you are tempted to feel guilty later, when these things come back into your mind, just push them out with other thoughts.
Look For Moral Support
A problem shared is a problem halved,’’ is a famous maxim. When you have a problem and you talk to someone about it, it relieves you of the psychological burden of thinking you have to deal with the situation alone. It brings some relief and comfort mentally and physically.
Talk to someone older who has experience with love issues and can give you workplace crush advice. A retired worker you trust would be a good person to talk to. Such a person will empathize with your situation and is more likely to give you good advice. Express the emotions you are going through clearly and appropriately without any ambiguity. It will be emotionally relieving. Take the advice you are given in good faith and implement it.
It is not advisable to talk to one of your coworkers if you are intent on ending the workplace crush. A coworker may inform the target of your affections about your feelings and cause you embarrassment. This will cause you more emotional problems.
Make ''Realistic'' Confessions
When you are alone and you feel like thinking about the person, make ''realistic'' confessions about the situation to yourself. You can say something like, ‘‘I love Isaac and I can’t deny it. But there is no way I can have him. Painful as it is, I have to let him go’’ to yourself. Keep repeating it till you can drive the thought of that person out of your mind.
The next thing you have to do is to imagine the feelings you have for this person ‘‘are a person who is dead,’’ and imagine burying it in a grave. Mentally, this will signal that you are putting your desire to rest permanently. It does not mean the feelings will just switch off, but it will help you to put things in their proper perspective, and to want to move on.
Detach Yourself Emotionally
If it is possible to get a transfer to another branch of the company so that you do not meet regularly and relive the way you felt for him or her all over again, then get the transfer.
On the other hand, if you have no choice but to keep seeing this person day after day, then you need to take steps to detach yourself emotionally from them.
If you used to go to a particular restaurant for lunch because this person goes there often, and you took the opportunity to go there and ‘’feast your eyes’’ on him or her and get satisfaction from it, stop going there. If this is not possible and you both have to use the same restaurant, then sit in a place where you cannot see him or her whilst you are eating. And whilst eating, try to think of the challenges you are facing in work, or bills due at the end of the month, or about friends and family members who love you, or about your favorite sports or hobbies. Occupy your mind with something that will uplift your spirit and help you take your mind off the person. Any time you are tempted to think of the person, try to mentally focus on someone else who you know loves you.
Moving On From a Workplace Crush: Face The Future With Hope In God
Getting over a workplace crush can be very challenging but you must determine to do it. One of the ways is to have hope.
Hope is often looked upon as expressing a mere wish or indicating a strong desire, or anticipating a good result. But real hope is a firm conviction that God’s promises will indeed materialize. Because God has kept His promises in the past, we know He is going to do it again.
Therefore pray to God to strengthen you through these turbulent moments, and to give you someone else to take the place of the person you were attracted to (if you are single). Also read God’s promises in the Bible and believe them. God ‘‘heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds.’’ (Psalm 147v 3). God answers the cry of those He loves and He will give you the fortitude you need in dealing with a crush at work, if you pray in faith.
Getting Over A Workplace Crush
Are you attracted to your coworker?
© 2014 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio