18 Things Every Couple Should Know Before Getting Married
Successful Marriage is Important
Marriage, is a divine institution that must be taken seriously. Family is the building block of society. If children are not properly brought up by their families they might become problem to the society. And if the citizens of a country do not marry and born children, the country will go into extinction. A successful marriage brings joy to the extended family, the community and the nation – but marriage can bring challenging problems. Marriage is not a bed of roses, It requires hard work because two people who are from different culture are trying to become one. They may have grown up in different environment and have different beliefs. Before you marry there are things you need to know if you are to have a successful marriage. If you are already married then you need to do certain things to make your marriage successful. In this hub I have tried to give some tips on how your marriage can become successful.
“The many beneficial effects of marriage are well-known. Married people are generally healthier, they live longer, earn more, have better mental health and better sex lives, are happier than unmarried counterparts… Further, married individuals have lower rates of suicide, fatal accidents, acute and chronic illnesses, alcoholism, and depression than other people,” wrote Steven L. Nock in Marriage in Men’s Lives.
So here are some tips, for a successful marriage, that can be easily implemented to keep your love and romance alive:
Just like any endeavor in life that you want to be successful, marriage is not different. You must give total commitment to your marriage if you want it to succeed. If this is done it helps to build a tight bond between you and your partner.
Compromise is very important in marriage. It is a matter of give and take. You cannot insist that everything must be done your way without listening to the view of your spouse. Whereby his/her views are better it is advisable to you drop yours and follow your spouse’s suggestions. Don’t let pride ruin your marriage by becoming “She who must be obeyed.”
Maintain Your Individuality and Space
Don’t pretend to be what you are not. You must be yourself at all times. Pretending to be what you are not is not so easy very soon your spouse will discover you are pretending and this will constitute credibility problem in the marriage. Things that are artificial have soon life spam. You should also give your spouse space to operate otherwise he/she will feel trapped. The feeling that marriage is a trap has led to divorce in the cases of married couples and the refusal to marry among those that are yet to marry.
What You Want Out of The Future
No one has a crystal ball, and life loves to throw challenges. But since one of the top reasons for divorce, according to family lawyers, is that the couple have different future plans. You should share your thoughts, hopes and dreams for what the future might look like — together.
Choose the Right Partner
The most important stage in marriage is choosing a life partner. It is necessary to look before you leap. Study who you want to marry very well and ensure he/she has the quality you admire. Don’t marry someone that have so many weaknesses you detest with the belief that you will be able to change him/her. Habits die hard and bread that is dry cannot be reshaped. The quality of your finished product depends greatly on the quality of your raw material. So the success of your marriage depends on your choice of life partner.
Be Willing to Say “I’m sorry”
Many people find extremely difficult to apologize when they are wrong. If your marriage will be successful, you will learn to apologize when you have offended your partner. “I’m sorry” looks so simple but very difficult for some people to pronounce, say it as many times as there is need for it.
Be willing to Forgive
Nobody is perfect, so when your partner offends you try to forgive.
Whenever your partner has done something remarkable don’t fail to compliment him/her. When he/she has done you a favor have the courtesy to say “Thank you”. When he/she has put on a good dress to look appealing to you appreciated him/her. You must let your spouse know you appreciate all he/she is doing for you don’t keep it bottled inside you say it out. That he/she knows I appreciate what he/she is doing is a very wrong assumption.
Do you both want kids at some point? What will be your parenting style? Are you able to work as a team and agree to present a united front? What should you do if that isn't happening? How will children be disciplined? Kids are a blessing, but definitely a stress-inducer for relationships—plan accordingly. You must discuss with your spouse the number of children you want to have. And make sure you have time for your children so that you can bring them up well. Disciplining your children when they have done something wrong is necessary, but that will be after you must have warned them and tried to explain why what have done is not acceptable. When your children are to be disciplined you must support your spouse. Both of you must present united front.
Don’t Withhold Love and Affection
Some people withhold love and affection as a weapon to achieve their personal desire. This is wrong and can create a lot of problems especially infidelity. When love and affection are lacking in the home, your partner is likely to seek them outside. Show love to your partner all the time. Sowing love to your spouse is an important key to successful marriage.
Ann Landers wrote, “Let this year be better than all the others. Vow to do some of the things you’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t find time. Call up a forgotten friend. Drop an old grudge, and replace it with some pleasant memories. Vow not to make promises you don’t think you can keep. Walk tall, and smile more. You’ll look ten years younger. Don’t be afraid to say, “I love you!” say it again. They are the sweetest words in the world.”
Being in love is a wonderful feeling, but staying in love is a wonderful skill. Every couple needs to develop the ability to talk about everything. You may think you know your spouse-to-be, there may be many things you folks have not discussed before marriage.You must have effective communication if your marriage will be successful. Dr. Jean Greer wrote, “--- seek help so that you can learn to communicate effectively, manage your anger constructively and learn to compromise so you can find a healthy balance for the two of you. That way, you are giving you and your partner the opportunity to have your happily ever after.” Source: Dr. Jane Greer. “Kim Kardashian: Why Was She A Runaway Bride?” PsychologyToday.com.
Effective communication means effective listening as well as speaking. You must discuss your problems. They will not just go away without any effort to sort them out. To do this is wishful thinking. There are times when disagreements make it difficult to speak to each other. But you must endeavor to change this attitude because it is very dangerous. This could make small disagreement to become very complex. Michael Webb wrote, “Love may form the foundation, but, communication forms the pillars that hold everything else up.”
Financial problem is one of the things that break marriages. The handling of money is the root of many divorces. How will you both handle money? Who will pay bills, save, plan for spending and allocate fun money? Will you follow a budget? How are debts or assets brought into the marriage be viewed? Money is a big topic couples gloss over and then regret, and it is one of the top reasons couples give for getting divorced. Planning the family budget is very important, where you try to march your incomes to your expenditure. You must not live above your means because you will invite trouble into your home. There need to be transparency in the handling of money and the way it is spent.
Honor and Respect Your Spouse
You respect your partner for your marriage to successful. “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in loneliness of mind, let each esteem others better than himself” (Philippians 2:3). You demonstrate honor and respect to your spouse by not speaking to him/her insultingly in the presence of his/her friends, relations, colleagues and children. You should listen to his/her opinions. Speak to him/her in a civilized manner not by shouting at him/her. Try as much as possible to show courtesy in your words and the tone of your voice.
It is not all the time that you will be so serious, at times it is good that you try to be humorous. Learn to make your partner laugh, giggle, smile whenever you notice she/he is getting stressed. Show your spouse that you can be humorous, and enjoy the times when he/she returns the favor.
There is no marriage without conflict. But whenever you fight don’t say things that will deeply hurt your partner. You should not claim that you are completely right while your spouse is completely wrong. Each of you would have contributed his/her own quota to the disagreement. A partner, who’s accused, will become defensive and then the argument becomes a challenge to prove himself or herself right and the other wrong. Don’t around making derogatory statement about your spouse to your friends or his/her friends. Try as much as you can to solve your problem by yourself without involving outsiders, not even your parents if you can help it. Keep each other’s secret sacred. Never betray each other’s trust.
Take Care of Your Health
Health they say is wealth. Make sure you take good care of your health. When you become too sickly it could consume most of your income and create financial problems in addition to the stress involved in taking care of a sick period. It could affect your ability to earn income.
Does your significant other expect a partner who will take care of all the chores? Or will it be a shared responsibility? You may disagree about how the house should be run. Spouses should be able to work the best way to handle household chores in an equitable manner especially if the woman works. Going to work and coming back to handle the household chores all alone will be too stressful and could affect the health of the woman so the man must try to help where and when possible. While the woman does the shopping and maybe the cooking, the man should help with mowing the grass, taking the garbage out to the trashcan etc. The chores should be shared in such a way that none of the spouses should feel overwhelmed.
Plan Recreation and Vacation
“All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.” Plan for recreation and vacation to relax and rejuvenate. Some partners also neglect their spouses in preference for their businesses or career. Ensure that the decision for a vacation is given a thought and it should be something that both of you enjoy.
As can be seen from the above analysis, a successful marriage is indeed hard work. The foundation of marriage may be love but to keep it successful, you need to consciously keep it alive and vibrant.