- Gender and Relationships
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget
I will have always sold my soul
Why do we as humans attract things we don't have? Why are we so fixated on wanting what we cant have? In a dark and sinful industry exotic dancing is just one of the many ways we use our souls to get what we want. We are such a needy generation we are willing to do whatever we need, to have the best of everything. The nicest car, the biggest house, the most expensive fashion. First night walking into that club, lights flashing, music beating through my body, liquor being tossed around, money thrown into the air and falling from the ceiling, people everywhere. WOW! Gorgeous women getting tipped hundreds of dollars. This is the place for me! It started great, everyone was so nice. "Would you like a drink?' i hear from the most gorgeous bartender I swear I ever saw. I took the drink, then I took another. Before I knew it i was in a skimpy bikini and 8 inch heels, the two drinks I had had were to calm my nerves. That was the exact moment my life changed. I became obsessed, not just with the money but with the attention, the fact that everyone's eyes were on me. I felt so wanted, needed. I didn't need anything but the club. I went into work grabbed an energy drink and got to work. I was bringing in thousands a month! I was only 20 and I felt as if I owned the world. I had the same routine for a while. about a year. That's when life started changing. I went to another club, make new friends, friends that drank. The industry was changing, in a bad way. Things were starting to happen in the VIP rooms and dances became harder and harder to give. Drinking became easier and easier to do. One day and a few too many drinks I fell into the VIP pure pressure. $600 for 3 minutes of my time! (I'm sure you can picture what I mean and details not needed) This is amazing I thought to myself. So the next day I drank some more, did a few more "VIP's" I was bringing in more money than I ever have before. This went on for the next few years, next thing I knew I was 23 years old and the alcohol alone wasn't doing it for me, I was looking for something harder, more intense. A friend of mine introduced me to "party" the rich mans drug they called it. A few drinks and a line started my day for the next few weeks. Until a line wasn't working for me anymore. A line turned into a gram, turned into an eight ball. I was out of control. Drinking more than I had ever drank in my life. Spending $500 a day on "party" I couldn't stop. I was making the most money in my life, doing whatever I pleased, having the most fun I had ever had! this went on for the next 2 years, then BAM, one day it all came to a halting stop! I had been caught. I couldn't believe it was actually real life. I was actually sitting in jail. No one to bail me out, nowhere to turn, no one to run to. All my friends were drug addicts, selfish, had no money or wouldn't use it to help me. What have I done with my life? How did I end up in this situation. How did I get so fixated on wanting the best of everything, being so needy that I had to have the best car, apartment, clothes. I had become obsessed, a different person. I had lost myself. In the process it seemed great, it seemed like that's what life was made of. But its not. I went through hell. How did I look at myself everyday in the mirror and be okay with myself. I had sold my soul. I had no morals, My life was meaningless. Now I'm almost 28 years old. Out of the industry, with an amazing man. He saved me from who I used to be. He saved me from myself. Now I will always remember who that girl was, she will always be a part of me. She made me strong and made me into the person I am today. But I will never be the same. I will always carry that with me, and I will always have sold my soul for something that means absolutely nothing today.
© 2016 Cassndra Lynn