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Starting Over-Learning To Love Again

Updated on July 29, 2010

All of us at one point or another experience a relationship breakdown. The feelings of heartbreak, despair, rejection, loneliness and disappointment that accompany the end of a relationship can be devastating. The emotional turmoil of such an experience can make you fear about the prospect of future relationships.

Endless questions can enter your mind as to the cause of the breakdown. Was it entirely their fault? Was it my fault? Was I blind to the issues that I knew where around this person? Are some of the questions you could taunt yourself with as you try to unravel what really happened to cause you to go your separate ways.

We all handle breakups differently. The way we handle them will be dependent on a number of factors. The length of time we were in the relationship, if we have compromised our standards, if there has been abuse or if we have had a history of relationship problems are some of such factors. These experiences can affect how we view and respond to relationships.

The trauma of a bad relationship can cause you to lose trust in yourself and the ability to love again. It can be hard to trust another person when your emotions have been torn to pieces especially if the person is your first love. But you cannot stay in this position for ever. 

You have to make a conscious decision not to be a victim but rather a victor. You have to be able to dry your tears, learn from the breakdown and move on with your life into joy.  The temptation is there to wallow in self pity but you cannot afford that for one minute.  Too many people have held on to lost loves and are trapped in feelings of forgiveness, bitterness,  low self esteem and hurts just because they have chosen not to let go.

Life is too short to waste it on regrets or sorrows of bad relationships. You just need to move on , start all over and enjoy life to the maximum.  After all you only have one life to live. So the question you may now be asking yourself is how can I do this. Here are some tips:

1.   Accept and Acknowledge.  The first thing you must do if you want to start all over again in love is to accept and acknowledge the past relationship is over. No matter how aggrieved you feel or whether you feel there is unfinished business unless  you accept the relationship is over you will not be able to move on. The acknowledgement that the relationship no longer exists is the beginning of freedom in your mind and heart.

2.   Learn.  So the relationship did not work out and yes it is painful because you thought it would last forever, but it is not all negative because of these things. You need learn from the experience. Take the time to reflect on what went wrong and how you  would do things differently if you entered the relationship again.While this is an important step to work through, do not over analyse the negatives that may have transpired to avoid falling into the trap of self pity.  

3.   Change.  Change your mindset towards relationships. Just because you have experienced a bad relationships or even several bad relationships it does not mean your perfect mate is not out there for you or you are hopeless at relationships. As you think negatively all you will see is negativity. So choose to think positively.  Be hopeful that with lessons learnt the next relationship will be good.

If necessary you may need to change your routine to readjust to the change in your circumstance and fill the void of the activities you shared together. You will of course have some memories that will occasionally flood your mind but decide to focus on the present and the future.

4.   Say Goodbye.  Release and bid a fond farewell to what you have lost.  Literally exhale all negative emotions. Do not hold on to something that has gone or worst still someone who does not want you. Say goodbye with dignity and move on to better things!

5.   Forgive.  No matter how hard it may seem you have to be able to forgive the person who has hurt you. Not being able to forgive is a terrible controlling emotion that harms the individual who chooses not to forgive rather than the person who needs to be forgiven. Often they are oblivious to the pain they have caused or they simply do not care. When you give the person forgiveness who has hurt you it is the beginning of healing for you and ultimately freedom to love again.

6.  Network.  It is important not to isolate yourself after a relationship breakdown.  Connect with other people.  Let others help you.

7. Trust in God.  When all else fails know that God is always there to wipe away your tears and to strengthen you on the road to recovery.  

Try these tips are begin the process of being able to love again.


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      Fly Dove 6 years ago

      OMG! This type of information is well needed so that ones mind does not trip!

      I'll be reading more of your hubs~~~~~~