- Gender and Relationships»
Staying Too Close To Toxic Friends
Join The Dark Side - Darth Vader
Do you find yourself making fun of people you like?
Say, you liked Oprah. You use to like to watch her show. Now, you can not stand to listen to a television show that mentions her name. Maybe, you liked Kelly Ripa but now you have to change the channel.
There are so many factors that make a person not like a person. Find out if it is you that is making the decisions or is it your friend? Do you normally do what your friend likes to do?
Some people only love themselves. They want you to love them so much, that they make a mirror image of themselves out of you. You become a walking talking ... them.
You find yourself wanting to become a doctor when you never thought of it before they spoke.
Friends The Series
If you ever had a toxic friend, you will understand why staying too close is not a good thing. However, it is a great thing if you enjoy honesty.
Friends can and will say things they do not mean. This happens to most of us.They might even talk behind your back. That does not mean that they hate you. It is not easy to agree with everything friends say in public or in private. Respect their option. After, their option is voiced debate then, if it cause an argument, let it go. Yes, you are allowed to ask others about the topic. How else are you going to find out if you wrong or right?
Alright, so your friend knows you are wrong but you keep trying to convince them that you are right but you will not give up. All over social circles, all you say is that you are right. Then, you are too close to the topic. Sure, you will find people to agree with you but you might lose a friend in the process.
"Does that make me the toxic friend?" Maybe, maybe not. You can not go on beating that dead conversation to mush. Some toxic friends will play with you. They know they can or can not win the argument. They want you to get more answers. They want you to Facebook them and Twitter them.
Some people know how to control you. They do not care about the argument as long as they win. Have you ever argued a side that you are against? Agreed with something that you would normally be against?
Do your parents dislike your friends?
Too Much Research
Have you ever talked about something to death. You try to talk about a topic they love but they have more than three expert advice about the topic. However, they say nothing about the expert. They love the topic but do not care which research agrees as long as it agrees with them.
Hiding Who You Are
Hiding from a person does not least long in a toxic relationship. They want to know everything. Or, maybe they only want to know about one topic.
What are you doing? What did you do yesterday? What did you do on-line? Why was your friend over at your house for so long?
Toxic friends know you have other things to do but they just do not care. The one in the world should be them.
Any other life you lead ... hide it. Never talk to friends, family, or anyone else who thinks that lying is wrong. This person does not need to know your grandmother's birthday or what she likes and dislikes.
I am not saying to hide everything. I am just saying to say what you do not mind others hearing about you.
Here For The Food
They only want to eat your food. Seriously, they only stop by at dinner time or when they are hungry. All other times, they act as if you are a burden to them.
They know when you have the most food in your refrigerator.
Do you ever get to be right with your friends?
Toxic friends might love to lie. This is a game to them. If you catch them, they seem shocked. If you do not, you are stupid. In any case, they are always right.
If they are caught, they will always say that they do not remember saying that. Or, they did not say that at all.
Katy Perry - Wide Awake KatyPerryVEVO by KatyPerryVEVO
Coping others could very well happen in a toxic relationship. They not only want to be in the same career as you, they want to have the same references and try to get in the same place where you are working.
This is great, if you are older. You are already in the career. Your friends wants to join you. But, when you are competing for the same job, that is not good. They want to know how you going to get the job so that they can get it, too. This means they might have better skills then you. They might get the job while you wait or have to look for another job.
They copied everything you did than did better. Your now looking through ads on-line while they are having a dinner party to congratulate themselves for getting the job.
You did most of the work but they get the prize.
Not Too Perfect
They want you to be perfect for them. However, as long as they are just a little better than you.
A toxic friend might act like they want others to see them as perfect. It is alright when they make a mistake but no one else should see the mistake. They hide behind others and lies to make them look better. The person makes sure that their flaws are only seen when it benefits them.
I included the video with Katy Perry called Wide Awake. I know this one is true. If I knew now what I knew then I might never have been friends with some of the people I made friends with in the past. Maybe, if I knew the dangers, saw the signs of a toxic friend, I would not have to had to repair what damage they did on my own.
Some toxic friends even hide behind general statements like: Everyone makes mistakes. Or, no one is perfect. See what I did there? I said, "everyone," and "no one." These are part of general statements referring to all the population. This is a way to admit something without having to say any details about that incident.
Things Get Scary
Toxic friends may just love to play head games with you. However, there are others that punish you for doing the wrong thing.
If you feel you are becoming scared that your friend might cause you more body harm, leave. It is alright to go. Sure, there may be some damage to your property but they are often too chicken to physically harm you, again.
Some will not stop. They will get back at you. Then, they will tell their friends to get back at you. They might be so dumb as to make others hurt you. If they are rich enough, they might be having you fallowed.
I was lucky to be living at my dad's when this happened. My best friend trashed the house that I was going to move into. I mean destroyed everything. The house was in another state.
Luckily, the property was not ours, yet. We only where going to move there. There was thousands of dollars of damage and no way for us to fix the problem.
The owner did call us telling us what happened. I was scared but made up excuses. I kept thinking that I was wrong to owe her money. Everything was my fault. If I had the money, noting would have happened to home.
After, all the mental abuse, I still could not get it through my head that maybe one day she could hurt me. Really hurt me.
If you are going through the same thing. Call a domestic violence place. Or, you may even have to have them help you move. Do not wait until your best friend gets up the courage to take physical revenge out of you.
Evanescence - Going Under EvanescenceVEVO by EvanescenceVEVO
You Are Not Alone
It is not going to be easy to give up that special friend. You might have cared about them for years. You want them to succeed. They might have been your best man or bridesmaid at your wedding. There is cause to end the relationship but you do not want to be alone.
If they are becoming abusive get out of the situation. Your relationship will only grow more abusive.
Still, there are people that only like to play hit people. This might be a way of expressing their love for you. That is not a toxic friend. Somehow, that behavior was acceptable in their family or other relationships. Some people just do not change. Make sure, though that they treat their other friends that way. If your the only one they do not punch lightly, they might not like you at all. Or, they just think you are too weak to be their friend.
You can't change someone who does not want to change. If you are really being abused: make sure. Is this what is really happening?
Some friends are just too opposite you. They do not know how to act near you. So, change the way they act to try to help out only it does not help anyone.
The trouble really happens when someone is in fear of their friend. One person wants to have everything in the relationship. The other person gets the left overs of kindness or nothing at all.
The conversations lead to the topic they love to talk about instead of any connection to your favorite topics.
Do you always make excuses for their behavior? Or, have to stay away from people who act nice to you?
An abuser will know they are abusing you. They have a lot of control over the situation.
If something really bad is happening, you may have to call the police or a domestic violence center. Yes, I know that sounds frightening but so is the abuse.