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Still Single In My Forties: A Discussion About How I Have Handled This Type of Freedom

Updated on April 11, 2020
Missy Smith profile image

Missy is a unique writer who enjoys inviting her readers into her thoughts through her poetry and other topics of discussion.  


I Used to Wonder...

Is it too much to ask for real love? No, not the type of love we receive from our family or friends. That type of love is wonderful and said to be absolute, and I suppose it is. However, it’s unconditional through blood, through growing up together and pricking our fingers and declaring blood sisters or blood brothers with our friends. When I talk about it, it is a very special connection. It’s just, as life goes on, we move on, we want a bond with ONE. Not to leave the others out, because, of course, when we find this bond with one, we want the others to share in the joy, to be happy for us, and with us.

Next question; is it even possible to have that type of bond this day and age? If my life is used as an example, most would say NO, it isn’t going to be likely. A lot of us are single still in our forties and even fifties, and it isn’t because our significant others have passed on. It’s because we, for whatever reason, trusted the wrong people in life, and as time went on, and I’ll just step back and speak for myself here; as time went on, for me, I got more and more depressed, every time I tried to be in love, disappointment was sure to rear its ugly existence, and I would be alone again.

I keep asking myself what am I doing wrong? The answer is nothing. There are no answers to this question. I have to live down the fact that it is what it is. I am who I am. I have no answers. NONE. I have confusion and loneliness at times, and still on occasion a man will come to me and say they will be different than the others, give them a chance. I’ve taken that leap of faith, and every time I took a chance on love the same thing happens. I end up disappointed and alone, feeling like the mutant one. There comes a point where words become bleak; they are empty expressions to me now. I want to believe them, but my heart will not take the leap anymore. It’s tired and frustrated from rejection.

Analyzing the Real Truth

Over the years, I started to think being single was a punishment from God. Maybe I did something that angered him so much that he doomed me to a life of loneliness, but throwing in some cruel teasers of hope along the way. You know; finding love, living love for years, then a sudden departure from the man with no actual explanation, no real reason except for moving on to those greener pastures that they met while partying in a bar, or working at the office, whom, as we all know, inevitably becomes just as brown and boring as the rest of us. However, have no fear, karma plays a part in every selfish persons’ future. For lack of being able to pay anymore child support or alimony, those jerks eventually get stuck with the same old, neither he, nor she with a vision of how to keep it green. It’s been pretty fun to watch.

It’s no wonder I’m snickering as I’m writing this. It is quite comical to me now. I think I have finally come to the point that my single status is not so bad after all. I think I’m through with hope of true love, “You can’t fool me with that stuff anymore, God!” Yes indeed, my punishment is over. I will now live this life with appreciation for the lessons I’ve learned and the simple joy of getting to remain just who I am to the end with no fake June Cleaver lifestyle.

I have rightfully obtained the I don’t care what people think attitude. I have remained with a sense of freedom, and it doesn’t feel so bad anymore. In fact, it feels like I have gained more than I have lost. I still have dignity of being brave enough, and strong enough, to let those idiots go. I feel empowered as a single lady, and wonder sometimes why I let loneliness even creep up on me at times. Oh, alright, we all know, as adults, what I am missing not having a man, but hey, things could be worse. There are always ways to satisfy those things we miss aren’t they? I mean, I don’t have to spell those ways out to anyone do I? Well, at least not to all my single ladies out there! Wink, wink.

This One's For the Girls

I thought I would write a poem that I think a few of us women would like to say to some Pretenders out there. It's not an especially thought provoking poem. It has meaning, but with gusto glory instead of longing or sadness. We all need gutso glory sometimes. I, for one, am pretty tired of being a throw away. Every woman out there that has had to suffer through the pain and heartache of idiots, this poem is for you.

I don't have a clue why some of us seem to find the losers in life. They are indeed great pretenders aren't they? I can only suspect it is because we are the most caring people who have always saw the good side in everybody before we see the bad, and in that way are easily disillusioned to a person's real purpose in a relationship. I hope every woman who has ever experienced selfish love from another enjoys this poem.


The Pretender

Understand, you cannot

return after ugly words

that sting and burn.

Pretending in the beginning

to love me for me, then

cheating as if I couldn't


A fake man is what you

are. A false talk that

leaves heart scars.

Back off now and let me

be. The game has

turned tail it's time for

you to leave.

I want to forget your smug

face, and all those times

you spit your disgusting

lies so smoothly in my face...

those lies of love and loyalty

for me. PLEASE... You

now leave me feeling

as if I've caught a


Grow up and think before

you do this to another,

because one day, karma

is going to bury you, lover!

Explaining Where the Lyrics Came From

Dave Grohl (Foo Fighters) noted: "That's the thing with lyrics, you never want to give away specifics, because it's nice for people to have their own idea or interpretation of the song. But, you know, everyone's been fucked over before and I think a lot of people feel fucked over right now and they're not getting what they were promised, and so something to do with that."

The Pretender

Do you relate to my words and life? Are you still single and in your middle ages?

See results

© 2016 Missy Smith


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