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Stoke the Fire or Change Perspective

Updated on April 3, 2013
Will You Still Love Me from shashchatter Source: flickr.com
Will You Still Love Me from shashchatter Source: flickr.com

Stoke the Fire or Change Perspective

By Tony DeLorger © 2013


Endearing words of love reverberate within a relationship, its pulse the lifeblood of a tranquil and contented union. Yet it is often kindness and selfless caring that is discounted when the fires of sensuality are a shortcoming. We judge so harshly the processes of attraction, need and acceptance, that in the end we lose ourselves in the propaganda of expectation and the culturally driven emphasis on sex and performance rather than the rational mechanics of what keeps a relationship together.

Although sex is generally the basis of intimacy and therefore the forerunner of a deeper relationship, it is friendship and tolerance that creates longevity. We are all programmed to follow our DNA and find a suitable partner to procreate and to produce affective, strong offspring. But beyond that drive, who we are suited to in personality, character and common goals, may be someone completely different.

What would probably work best is three separate relationships: someone to have wild, impassioned sex with, someone to establish goals and make money with, and someone to be a partner, rare children and make a happy home. The reality is that finding someone with all these attributes is virtually impossible, given that two out of three marriages fail.

But with all our cultural and moral backgrounds and expectations, are we even capable of having our cake and eating it too? Could we even find our perfect match in three different areas of life, without screwing it all up? Probably not. And what's worse could we morally justify having three different types of relationships that didn't impact negatively on each other?

Our biggest problem is we want it all and have come to expect everything we want, regardless of its possibility. Relationships more than not, fail because we are unprepared to compromise, unprepared to relinquish our ideals and unrealistic expectations. Sex is merely one aspect of a relationship, one that fades in importance with age. It is an epiphany and addiction in youth, a game decider in long-term relationships, and usually a faint memory in old age. Yet we place so much emphasis on it, and what is far more important slips through the floorboards.

One of the joys of life is being with someone you love, being at ease, sharing, discussing the woes of the world, the potentials of life and planning a life of happiness and contentment; fulfilling dreams and shared goals. Intimacy in older age is more of the mind rather than the body and holds just as much value, even more in fact.

Learning to adapt to life's changes is something we all have to do, sooner or later, and it is those who have found value in human beings based on substance, rather than physicality, who will find happiness in the later years. When perspectives change so does experience, but of course sex never has to be sacrificed, just re-evaluated, and intimacy re-established. We human beings have never been very good with change, but our acceptance can make life far easier by comparison.



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    • Tony DeLorger profile imageAUTHOR

      Tony DeLorger 

      5 years ago from Adelaide, South Australia

      Glad you appreciated it, Lisa. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

    • Lisawilliamsj profile image

      Lisa Chronister 

      5 years ago from Florida

      This is very well written and oh so very true! Thanks for posting, I voted up!

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