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Stop Domestic Abuse

Updated on April 23, 2021

20 Sure Signs of An Abusive Relationship

I was blinded by love

I was choked, pinned up against the wall, poured crystal Drano on me, got chunks of hair ripped off my head. I was backhanded on my lips, got slapped across my face, got my arms twisted hard so many times to the point where I had to beg him to stop because it was hurting so much. I can go on for days about how I allowed this person to inflict physical pain on me. As if physical abuse was not enough, he also emotionally and psychologically abused me.

Where did I go wrong?

At the beginning of this union, after getting blamed the first time that it was my fault why he had to raise his hands on me, I started to believe that it was my fault each time he did it. After that, I began admitting that it was also my fault when he hurt my feelings that involved other females. It did not take long when he finally convinced me that everything I was getting punished for was my fault.

My undeniable love for my ex-husband made me fail to realize the true meaning of love. To this day, I still ask myself why I just sat in the bathtub when he was pouring crystal Drano on my head? And what made me think that putting eye-shadows to cover the bald spot on my hair was the best solution?

Furthermore, what made me think that making up a story to my eldest after coming home with a busted lip from getting backhanded in the car on the way home was believable? How awful it was when I used to put eye-shadows that matched the color of my eyes to hide my bruises? I am surprised that my arms did not go in other directions after getting twisted so many times.

There is always hope

I must have been dreaming when I thought I was blessed to have a man who would never lie to me until I found out otherwise. He lied to me about his whereabouts, his dealings with other women who were so bold to call our house phones looking for him, and when I questioned him about it, I would end up paying a high price for it.

In 2008, after multiple attempts to leave him by going to the Women's Help Center with our then younger children, putting up with his endless infidelity, and all the forms of abuse from him, I finally filed for divorce.

Awareness is the key

My purpose in writing this blog is to help educate women who currently experiencing any signs of abuse with their partners. Please keep in mind that physical abuse is not the only type of abuse, it also includes verbal, emotional, and psychological in which all can affect our well-being in the end.

Anything that makes us feel hurt, humiliated, belittled, and other things that would make us feel less than a person, is a type of abuse. Therefore, it is vital to know these early signs.

Here are the 20 signs of abuse

  1. Your partner is quick to call you out of your names when angry or for no reason at all.
  2. Lies and cheats on you.
  3. Regulates how often and how long you can visit your family and friends.
  4. Demands cooked meals when even though you both work for a 9-5 job.
  5. Hide his electronic devices, like cell phones and passwords
  6. Lie about his whereabouts and gets angry when asked.
  7. Decide what clothes you can wear and wearing make-up is out of the question.
  8. Get jealous by greeting or talking to people of the opposite sex, you know, due to their insecurity
  9. If you are married, you have no idea how much money you both have in the bank
  10. Steady losing his belongings and when asked he would lie about it.
  11. Your participation in making some of the decisions for the family is limited.
  12. Humiliates and belittles you around his friends and families and makes you a laughing stock.
  13. Does not support your dreams and aspirations.
  14. Comes and goes as he pleases.
  15. Does not compromise with you
  16. Do not consider your feelings.
  17. Cruel to animals.
  18. Quick to apologize but does not mean it.
  19. Refuses to communicate his feelings with you on a deeper level.
  20. Last, but not least, abusive people tend to be nicer to outsiders than us.


A great partner would respect and honor you at all times. That partner should only use kind words, should not mislead you, and will never physically harm you. If you are presently living an abusive life, please reach out to people you trust. Get help from professionals who are willing to lend their hands and get you through this. If I did it, so can you. Your life is precious, so live it with your potentials.

To my readers,

I am hoping that this blog was able to help you get a better insight into your current situation. Please take these signs of abuse seriously before it is too late. We have people in our lives who are counting on us to be strong and to have a healthy mind, body, and soul.

Thank you for taking your time to read. Take care of yourselves!

Yours Truly,



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