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Stop Being a Brat! Five Easy Ways to Improve Your Relationship Now

Updated on April 30, 2018
Deborah Demander profile image

Deborah is a writer, healer, and teacher. Her goal is to help people live their best lives everyday by sharing her joy and love of life.

Stop Acting Like a Brat

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You Can Control Yourself

Being in relationship is hard. Whether you are married or dating, have children or don't, it isn't easy to be half of a couple.

Often, you create your own misery. Your are responsible for your happiness, and when you are happy, then your relationship is healthier. When you act like a brat (or a biotch) then you make yourself and your partner miserable.

Following are five easy things you can do to make your relationship better.

Stop Being a Brat

1. Stop Being So Mean

2. Stop Treating Him Like a Child

3. Stop Complaining and Nagging

4. Stop Withholding Sex

5. Stop Being Dumpy

Mean Girls Don't Always Win

Banish the Ice Queen

1. Be Nice. That's really the long and the short of being in a successful relationship with anybody. Be nice. You can't underestimate the power of kindness, not only for yourself, but also for the people around you.

Once in a relationship, its easy to let the your nice side slip away. You don't want to seem weak. You don't want to lose control. You don't want to concede power. You want to appear tough, and in control, and strong. You want respect.

And when your partner does something you don't like, it becomes even easier to get mean. It begins with snarky comments, murmured under your breath. You tell your friends what a jerk he is. You tell your family what a jerk he is. You tell him what a jerk he is.

Pretty soon, you aren't muttering under your breath. You are being overtly mean, and sometimes even passive aggressive. You buy the kinds of things he doesn't like: Pepsi instead of Diet Coke, or Oreos instead of Nutter Butters. You get the idea. Instead of doing nice things to make your partner happy, you deliberately do things that won't.

You say mean comments to his face, and to his friends and your friends, and your family. You tell him that you could do better. You tell him (and you begin to believe) that he doesn't deserve you.

Stop being mean. You love this man. If you don't, then be honest and let him go. Get on with your life. If you care, then be kind.

Are You Mad?

Just Be Nice
Just Be Nice

You Are Not His Mother

2. Treat Him Like an Adult. Whether or not you actually have children, your partner is not a child. Even if he sometimes acts childish, he is not a child, and he is definitely not your child. Stop acting like it.

You don't need to boss him around. He is an adult who can make choices and decisions. If he asks for your advice, great. Go ahead and give it. But don't treat him like a stupid child.

And for heaven sakes, don't wipe his face, dab his collar or lick your hand and adjust his hair. He is an adult. Treat him like that. Give him the same degree of respect you'd give any other adult in your life.

Stop Complaining About Everything

Just Let it Go
Just Let it Go

Don't Be Such a Nag

3. Hold Your Tongue. Blaming. Nagging. Complaining. When you constantly harp on your partner, you lose all credibility. He won't listen to a word you say.

It's fine to make a request or suggestion. Make sure he heard you, then let it go. You don't have to keep repeating yourself over and over and over. It is truly tiresome.

If something bothers you, speak up. But don't keep bringing it up. You don't like his socks on the floor? Fine. Mention it to him. But if he keeps leaving them there, don't take it personally. It's probably not a big deal to him.

If you want something to change, then change it. Don't wait for someone else. And don't try to nag anyone into doing what you want. If it needs done, then do it.

It's Okay to Show Affection

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Don't Withhold Sex

4. Stop Acting Frigid. Do you stay up late, hoping he falls asleep? Do you go to bed early, and pretend to be asleep when he comes in? Stop playing mean games with your husband. Is it really the end of the world to be intimate with your partner?

Women like to control sex. They like to control men. The best way to control a man (many women incorrectly believe) is by not giving him sex when he wants.

The problem is, sex is good for a healthy relationship. It's good for your health. And, it will bring the two of you closer together. Why not get over your big bad self, and have sex every night for a week? Do you think you could do it?

Instead of ignoring, try instigating.

It Only Takes a Moment

How do You Take Care of Yourself?

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Take Care of Yourself

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Stop Letting Yourself Go

5. Don't Give Up on You. There is only one you, and you deserve to take good care of yourself. Sure, it's not easy when you work full time and have children to tend and a house to clean and a job to do.

We are all busy. It's important to show up, as the best version of yourself, day after day after day. Stop making excuses for why you can't workout or shower or eat right or brush your teeth. Just do it.

Taking care of yourself is not only important for yourself, but it makes a huge impact on your relationship. If you care about yourself, you are more able to care about your partner. If you feel good, then you will want to have fun.

Eating poorly doesn't feel good. Getting heavy doesn't feel good. Laying around all day might feel good for a couple of hours, but soon, you get stiff and it doesn't feel good. Being unkempt doesn't feel good.

Take some time for you. Exercise early, before anyone else gets out of bed. While you enjoy your breakfast or coffee in the morning, find some time to quiet your mind and meditate or pray. Clean yourself up. Make appointments for your hair, your nails, a massage, or whatever makes you feel good. If you can't afford these things, then find a friend and work out a trade.

It's important to show up to your own life. Be nice. Act like an adult. Stop whining and complaining all the time, enjoy intimacy, and take care of yourself. With these five easy steps, you can show up to your life, and show up for your partner. You will feel better and your relationship will improve almost immediately.

© 2018 Deborah Demander

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    • Deborah Demander profile imageAUTHOR

      Deborah Demander 

      5 months ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      @dashingscorpio, You are so wise and so well spoken.

      I love your analogy of a garden. We must nurture what we want to thrive.

      Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to comment!

      Namaste

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      5 months ago

      Sound advice!

      "Be Nice. That's really the long and the short of being in a {successful} relationship. - Very true!

      "And when your partner does something you don't like, it becomes even easier to get mean. It begins with snarky comments, murmured under your breath." - Also sad and true!

      I suspect once couples are done with the "infatuation phase" of their relationship and there is an "emotional investment" or "commitment" they begin to feel "safe enough" to be brutally honest about what they think without the (fear) of their mate walking out on them.

      It's either a lack of fear or simply no longer caring if they do leave! Granted some people are drawn towards "b*tches" & "a-holes".

      Several years ago I had a woman on HP post a comment on one of my hubs where she said: "I'm so glad to be done with the dating game. You're always having to {watch} what you say, how you act, and dress. Once you're married you can {relax}."

      That's like getting a new job and believing people stopped emailing resumes to the company you work for!

      This woman was on her 3rd marriage. hmmmm

      Love is like a garden; Nurture it, it thrives. Neglect it, it dies.

    • Deborah Demander profile imageAUTHOR

      Deborah Demander 

      5 months ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Mary, thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate your honesty. I wrote this article after realizing that I've been quite a brat. I feel bad for my husband, and I hope others can learn from my mistakes. You are absolutely right, you have to work on yourself and your relationship every day.

      Wishing you all the best,

      Namaste

    • aesta1 profile image

      Mary Norton 

      5 months ago from Ontario, Canada

      If you want your relationship to work well, you need to work at it everyday. You are right. Stop being a brat. I am guilty of the things you said in the beginning but after several years, I have learned to tone myself down.

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