Strangeness of love
I am getting married. My fiance and I went to the Marriage Bureau to register and to ask where to go, to provide the documents that were were needed, and to swear as to our correct identity. We walked up to complete strangers and revealed to them our very personal decision to get married.
It was a long road to get there for me. Not as much, I am sure, as for the white slightly overweight young couple ahead of us in line. They looked cookie-cutter couply. I am sure looking at us, the clerks were more curious. My boyfriend and I come from different countries and clearly lead very different lives. But viewing myself through the clerk's eyes then I liked what I saw. I saw a girl who is not so young, who is brave, who saw that she is loved and appreciated it and who knows exactly what she is doing.
And also.. someone who is very lucky. It is weird because I have thought of myself for very long as unlucky. But feeling what I feel now that I have my boyfriend in my life has been... an unbelievable experience. It is the experience of a dog that has been adopted by a loving family or a soldier coming back from the war. Every day is so much better than what I am used to. But even more than that there is fulfillment in my life and my heart feels like a house lit up with warmth and life. It is something I think about in the moments I have of to myself: how much I am loved and trusted. And it makes me feel in awe.
Why? Why is it that this difficult, tortured, rejected and then once again brought back from the dead love has the power to move me so uncontrollably? What is it about the presence of my future husband that I miss and need? And why can another person make me feel this way and I am not even able to control these feelings? It really is like we were hit by the proverbial cupid's arrow.
And finding your other half like this, a person whose movement becomes synchronized with yours, it is like learning that you have wings. It feels like it shouldn't happen in a world as cynical and broken as ours. It just seems that a world filled with so much pain, dissapointment, hate and falsehood just shouldn't be so magical.