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Strength or Scarcity?

Updated on August 23, 2016
H Andelsmen profile image

H. Andelsmen realized her girlfriends were asking advice, often, because she herself has been through so much, so she decided to share.


A couple is married for eighteen years. Within these years, on more than one occasion, the husband has had to leave home to find work. Sometimes just a few hours away, sometimes across the country. Every time he goes, the wife tells him to find someone to "date" while he's there. He does. Once, she even flies out to visit and meets the girlfriend. He tells her she may do the same. She does not. So the husband eventually returns home. For good. The wife falls ill. Non-fatal disease but nonetheless always in and out of hospital and out of work. Starts telling the husband she wants a divorce. She wants him to move on and find someone to keep him happy. He protests. She is persistent. She eventually goes back to work. He indeed does grant the divorce.


Present Day

He is now an older man, but not elderly. He does date. When asked why he is divorced, he replies that she had gotten sick and wanted him to be able to be happy. Did she pass away? No. She lives in the house, still works, even had carpal tunnel surgery. Meanwhile, he had to move out and get an apartment. He dates unsuccessfully for a while. Finally finds a girlfriend.

Girlfriend of course is inevitably curious as to why the wife would allow cheating and is it something he will expect in this relationship? She prods him. He defends the wife by adamantly stating she was never jealous because she is a strong woman.


What was really the reason that the wife shared her husband? Was it because she was strong?

My perception is no. It doesn't take strength to not be jealous. It does; however, take strength to refrain from exhibiting jealous tendencies. But if she so freely let the husband go, did she even really care? Seems like her tendency was to push him away. Maybe in hopes he would find one he would latch onto and stay with? Ultimately she ridded herself of him anyway. After the children were raised and she became ill, she didn't tell him to date while she couldn't. She wanted a divorce. She wanted out. She no longer needed him to help raise the children. They were gone. She could be alone like she wanted all along.

Most wives or husbands would oppose the spouse even leaving in the first place. Most would say we can make it work here. Together. Right? If you must move, move the family. Most important to keep the family together. No. She never said that. She was fine so long as those pay checks kept coming and the bills were paid.


strength [ strength ]

  1. physical power: the physical power to carry out demanding tasks
  2. emotional toughness: the necessary qualities required to deal with stressful or painful situations
  3. source of support: a source of strength or support


scar·ci·ty [ skérssətee ]

  1. insufficient supply: an insufficient supply of something
  2. rarity: an infrequency of occurrence of something

My Opinion

Strength, according to BING dictionary, is emotional toughness. Ok, to allow her husband to cheat, repeatedly, one could say she had strength. It would indeed be a stressful situation to meet your husband's girlfriend. But she asked for it. Still strength? Maybe not so stressful for her.

Scarcity. BING defines it as an insufficient supply. Of something. Anything. Or an infrequency of occurrence of something. Anything. It is my opinion that this is more her style. Of course she wasn't jealous. But not because she was strong, it was because she scarcely was involved in the relationship. She had an insufficient supply of emotional attachment. An infrequent occurrence of being there. For him. She sent him packing before they ever divorced.

So, no, sir. It wasn't that she was strong. It was scarcity. She was scarcely there. You have to be there to care. One can be present without having a presence. You have to care, at least a little, to get jealous. I get in a hiff when someone asks for a bite of my favorite ice cream. Uhm, excuuuuuse me? You most certainly may NOT. The husband bought into living a life that he thought was for keeps. Instead, he spent the prime years of his life being pimped his wife. Yeah, I said it. he was the workhorse in her stable. She made sure he was "happy" alright, because she didn't want him going anywhere until she was good and ready for him to be gone.

It was the wife. In the lounge. With the dagger. Its called Clue. Get one mister husband. You were cut from the beginning and allowed to bleed out.

Your Thoughts

What do you think? Strength or Scarcity?

See results

© 2014 HanDelsmen


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