- Gender and Relationships»
"Stupid Anger" by Rolly A. Chabot
Well here we are creeping up on another winter June 1st, and the clock has officially signalled another three seasons have come and gone. Snow could be flying again soon according to the weather patterns and some of those old bones I have been carrying around for years. Now that is a real thrilling thought especially after the winter I have just seen. Can I say I am excited... not a chance?
Welcome to the Fireside as always. Sadly we can put away the bug spray for another year and start looking for all the winter clothes. Today all we have is Tea and Cheezies and of course coffee. Sit back and listen to the sounds of the wind hollowing and be sure and close the door behind you. The Fireside has officially opened for another season.
No need to be shy, just cuddle in close, you are safe here and should anyone step out of line speak up and we have our own way of taking care of business... smiles.
Today we have a tough subject and yet one we are all effected by one way or another. It impacts our lives on a daily basis. The world we live in is starting to take notice but not soon enough for the victims. It is time we as people come out and talk about this openly and stand with those who are hurting rather than turn a blind eye.
Again welcome and above all else know that you are loved.
I think we have all dealt with angry people at one point and time in our lives. Some to varying degrees and then we have those who are completely out of control. I think this picture explains the type who are out of control.
It starts as little outbursts, meaningless in the minds of those who are bestowing them on innocent victims. They are threats which instill fear into the timid. They can be forgotten and life carries on and forgiveness is granted. Each time they take place they get more and more violent. By this time the victim has become afraid and they are intimidated to a point of walking on virtual unseen eggshells. They are afraid of the outbursts over the stupidest things. The perpetrator continues to grow in his or her strength.
Before long they are impossible to stop with reasoning. No amount of talking or threats to leave them are heeded they just get angry. When confronted they can be the nicest and most sweet and caring person in the room. Down deep inside they are seething and waiting to display their rule of terror again in the privacy of their own self created domain.
Trust me they are there, all you have to do is ask a lady who has been through it. Ask the child that has suffered under the hand of one. Ask the senior who has become afraid of the son or daughter who have taken over their affairs. All can tell you or will they because they are afraid of the reprisal of what may come. 30 and 40 years ago the victims suffered, they still suffer today, but they at least today have a voice and we are beginning to hear their voices loud and clear.
We are seeing the results of the terror the perpetrator has left in his wake. Once caught and confronted by the authorities, yes he is remorseful and promises he will change. He is forgiven in the hope he will change, and life gets back to normal or does it really. He struggles as he has to learn to bite his tongue, he has to change the way he acts because he has been somewhat held accountable, yet his anger and frustration builds.
How long is it before he strikes again in the privacy of home, away from the eyes and ears of the world. Generally not long, it is his nature to maintain the rule and order of the world around him. What is the makeup of the perpetrator anyway? I am no expert, have I had experience with this type... yes... let me just say once the perpetrator has been taken behind the woodshed, he will learn far more than he will in society. You see he understands fully once there of the consequences. Is it right and proper to be the sole judge and jury? Of course not but a little of his medicine is a wonderful teaching tool. OK I suppose I need to admit that I have been involved in this sort of justice over the years, but I can also tell you the ways of the perpetrator ways have been changed. Most times he will run because is not a man, just a shell of what he is called to be.
In all likelihood, they are a sad individual who was never afforded love, caring and nurturing. In years, past parents had other things to deal with such as supporting a family on a very limited income. They were the ones who saw the real devastation of war, made their way through a depression and knew the true meaning of hardship, they did the best they were able to do. They taught us well the meaning of hard work. Sometimes it meant that every member of the family had to do chores and such, but it instilled into us the meaning of being a part of the family community.
Please do not take this wrong I am not pointing fingers but this is an observation of mine looking at my upbringing and what I see today. We the generation that followed said my children will never go without, no sir we will give our children all they want and more. We as parents will even work two jobs, well we have to just to stay afloat with the cost of living as high as what it is. We are the generation of where the mother had to leave home to help support the family. A generation that left their children to be primarily raised by the service provider at the daycare. What do we really know about that person? Now there is a thought, think about it for a few minutes. They are the ones that little Johnny and Mary are spending the better part of the day with.
We have been so caught up in giving the child all we can that we have overlooked one thing they need the most and that is love. Sadly many families now have become the responsibility of of parent playing both roles. Look at the fact that today with both or one parent working the child has to go somewhere. Play school, Day Care or Kindergarten. Now I ask what is the child being taught. Think about it for a minute. How well do you know Miss Brown? Remember she is the one who is teaching your child in the most valuable time of their lives. I know there are many very credible, caring and loving people working in all these facilities but what do you know about Miss Brown and what she does in her private time.
I was involved in doing the landscaping for a primary complex in a large city here in Alberta, a facility which catered to multi level care for seniors. It was from high end Estate type living to gradual care at different levels where care was of the best. In this facility, there was a unique part that I loved to be a part of. It was a daycare, and the children were so interested in watching what I was doing, too a point of them all calling out "Rolly-Rolly" every time I would come near with my tractor. I could not help but have to stop and chat.
I guess what I am saying is the children are just so innocent and are like little sponges who all learn what they are taught.. The reason I say this is that one of the young ladies that worked there I found out was a practicing witch. Yes, to each his/her own. Sorry to say she had brought it up to the wrong people, and she was dismissed. Now I would ask again "What are your children being subjected to while they are out of your care? How much do you really know about these care givers? For what for the better part of one income to go towards the care of the child. Reduce the cost of living by sacrifices and allow one parent to stay at home.
Have you had this experience
Only My Opinion
I guess what I am saying at great length is life is a spiral, the fact we have lost sight of reality for our children. Most parents love and care for their children in the best way they know how. There of course are many reasons the narcissist exist. My opinion of a lack of proper upbringing is but one. By giving all the time they have been taught that what ever they want they can have. Refuse them something and they rebel. Then there are those who come from the totalitarian home where they are always called down. Nothing can ever be done properly in the eyes of the adult.
Some take it so far as to take their anger to schools, movie theaters and yes even to the streets and the air. It is so very important to leave if you are going to do in such a way that you are not forgotten. All profiling that has been done on these people is related back to the fact they feel out of place, never really belong and consider themselves outcasts. One of the primary reasons is the lack of love and accountability in their lives.
I would never claim to be any sort of an expert in these matters but I do feel nothing but love and compassion for those who have the strength and courage to stand and say that is enough. You are the real heroes and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being such an example for others. Never have any fear or shame over what you have been through. Speak it, write about and if possible reach out to another you know is struggling and give love, understanding and encouragement. There are so many great organizations where you are needed because you have grown from being entrapped.
To you the perpetrator I feel for you, enough that my heart reaches out to help if I can. There is far more to life that making victims who you control. Please if nothing else get some help, admit your weakness and the power it has over you. You have far more resources to draw from than the people you have driven into fear. If you fail to correct your ways there will be a day when you will be forced to answer for what you have done. First and foremost it will be before God, next the law and third well I suppose just some good old behind the woodshed justice. Either way it is your choice.
Stop what you are doing so others can live their lives to their full potential. Once you are found out all your credibility you may think you have is tossed out the door, once caught if the law in agreement then you have the real challenge ahead of you. The facility you have been placed in along with all the other inmates have the best form of justice and guess what you will soon learn just how vulnerable you really are.
There is a far better life than what you are facing. Once you are free look to the positive people who can change the way you think. You are a real person with real dreams ambition, goals, dreams and above all after you have healed you will have more love to give than anyone.
Do not think in the past because it will be your present and eventually be your future. Reach out to anyone and ask for help.
Seek facilities and support services which have been made available. You may be broken now but trust me you can and will be whole again through the love and encouragement of those who care. There are those of us who care and are willing to reach back, there is no need to stay where you are.
Just know that you are dearly loved...
© Rolly A. Chabot
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