- Gender and Relationships
Stupid Things Men Say
We all say stupid things. Men and women are guilty of running their mouths, and saying things that are better left unsaid. Although women speak nearly three times more words than men in any given day, men are not immune to uttering stuff that is better left inside.
Following are some of the stupidest things men say.
Are those things real?
If you have ever asked that question, remind yourself, not to ever ask it again. Not unlike asking a woman if she is pregnant, or when she is due, asking a woman if her breasts are real is like treading water in a shark tank.
First of all, unless they are in your hands, then it is none of your business whether or not they are real. You can enjoy looking at a beautiful woman (or a well endowed woman) without bringing everyone's attention to her breasts. Not to mention the fact that you will embarrass her, and ruin any chance of ever dating her or sleeping with her.
Secondly, if your hands are actually on the goods, then just enjoy the experience. No need to ask. If you can't tell, then does it really matter? Chances are, if your hands are on her chest, you might have a conversation about them in the future. And if you never see her again, does it even matter?
So although you may wonder if they are real, just believe that they are, until you know otherwise. Save yourself the embarrassment.
You're not the one, but close
How many times have you said something like, "I'm not ready to be in a relationship, but if I were, then you'd be exactly what I would want."
Or "I'm still in love with my ex, but if I weren't, you'd be just what I would want."
Any line similar to that, in which you are trying to break it to a girl that she isn't what you're looking for, is going to fall flat. If you don't want to date her, then don't. If you don't want to hang out with her, then don't. If you had sex, and you'd like to do it again, don't use this line, hoping it will keep her coming around.
Women see right through that. They know the "BUT" negates everything you said before. "You'd be perfect, if only I weren't still in love with someone else."
Women don't hear you say the part about them being perfect. They hear the part where you say you love someone else. And that's what really matters. So do yourself a favor and be honest. Women respect honest communication. And if they don't, then do you really want to spend time with them?
It's not that hard. It's not complicated. It's easy. Why don't you get this
Even when you are the smartest person in the room, perhaps especially if you are the smartest person in the room, you still have to make allowances for the other people.
Sometimes, it is complicated, and you are just trying to brush things over. If you are trying to be deceptive, telling someone that, "It's not that complicated," right before you go into a long, rambling and incoherent narrative, means that it probably is complicated. Or you are lying. Don't lie. The truth is simple. Stick to the facts.
At other times, you are trying to make the people around you look dumb. So you say, "It's simple." If you are doing calculus, then it is probably not simple. Telling everyone how simple it is only frustrates them, and makes you look arrogant.
I won't live here forever
I won't live in my parents basement forever; I won't live in this dark, dungeon of a basement apartment forever; I won't live with my frat buddies forever. If you are older than 30, and any of these scenario's are true, then chances are, they will probably be true for you for a very long time.
Of course, there are legitimate reasons for living at home. Perhaps you have a widowed or elderly parent who need your help, or you are assisting your blind grandmother. The odds are, however, this is not the case. If you went to college and you moved home, it's time to grow a pair and move out.
If you went to college and never left the house you rented with your buddies, it's time to grow a pair and move out.
If you went to college and still share the same dark, damp, musky smelling apartment with your college friends, it's time for you to grow a pair and move out.
If you never went to college, but went straight to work, and are still living at home, or with a bunch of kids from high school, it's time to grow a pair and move out.
Sure, there is a time for living at home, while you get your feet on the ground. But once you've finished college, the time comes for a reality check. What do you really want out of your life?
Those two-bit jobs that covered your expenses while you went to school aren't going to cut it in the real world. It's time to find a real job, get a place of your own, and start playing grown-up.
Sure, it's a lot easier to continue coasting down the same road, doing the same things you've always done. Change is hard. At some point, it becomes time to do your own laundry, and grocery shopping, and bill paying, without constantly checking in with your mom, or arguing with your roommate about who drank the last of the creamer.
Real life requires determination, dedication and hard decisions. It is not for the faint of heart. But eventually, most people grow up. If you are over 30, perhaps it's time for a reality check of your own.
Can you cover me?
Regardless of the form of the question, "Can we split the check?", "Can you get this, I don't have my wallet?", "Would you cover me, I don't get paid until Friday?", it is a lame thing to say.
It doesn't matter if you are out with buddies or on a date with a girl. If you don't have the cash to put your money where your mouth is, then why are you out? "If you ain't got no money, take your broke-ass home." It's more than some lyrics in a song. It's true. If you don't have skin in the game, i.e. cheddar, i.e. money, then why go out.
Sure, your buddies will front you a few times. But they get tired of your freeloading BS. If you don't pick up the check once in a while, you will probably find yourself out in the cold, even with your best buddies. Guys don't mind taking care of each other. It's part of what builds strong friendships. But when you are always on the receiving end of free drinks and free food, then you are a freeloader.
As far as dating goes, women don't always expect the guy to pay. In fact, women like to take responsibility for showing that they are fiscally responsible and able to foot the bill too. But don't ask a girl out to dinner, if you have no intention of paying, unless you are clear about it up front.
There is nothing worse than going out, and being surprised at the end of the night, when you find out your dude hasn't got any money. Don't spring it on her at the last minute. Be honest. Tell her that you'd like to go dutch, or suggest a date that doesn't involve money. You could go mountain biking or hiking, or just stay home and watch a movie. These are all great dates, they don't cost you anything, and you don't end up looking like a cheapskate.
It's okay to enjoy the largess of others, occasionally, but make sure that you both give and receive when it comes to paying for drinks, dinner and entertainment.
I didn't mean that
There are several variations on this theme: I was only joking, just kidding, I didn't mean it like that, you are taking what I said out of context. It all boils down to the same thing. You said something stupid, insensitive or mean, and the person to whom you were speaking took it as such, they got pissed, and now you are trying to save face.
Don't. Your lame excuses only make things worse. There is no reason to be mean, or condescending, or unkind. But when you are, and when someone's feelings get hurt, the best way to remedy the situation is to apologize. Don't make excuses for why you are right. Don't try to cover your mean remark with a lot of meaningless words.
Just say, "I'm sorry." Period. Done. Leave it at that. All the other words you say, after "I'm sorry" only serve to dilute your apology and render it ineffective and insincere.
You have a choice in life, with friends, co-workers, and in relationships. You can be right, or you can be kind. Instead of always insisting on being right, and claiming your freedom to say whatever you want, be kind.
Men apologize to women
Don't worry, you are not alone
We all say stupid things. Sometimes we say hurtful things. Sometimes, we're just trying to be funny, and it comes out all wrong. The thing is, men and women all say stupid things.
No one is better than anyone else, especially when it comes to the stupid things we say. There isn't likely a solution, because often times we speak without thinking. The key, however, is honest communication, not only with other people, but with yourself.
What kind of person do you want to be? What kind of message do you want to send with your words? Words are important. Choose them carefully, and before you let them fly, pause just for a moment.