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Subtle Signs of Abuse in a Relationship

Updated on September 8, 2013

Ever wonder why the guy you’re with makes you feel as if, deep down, you aren’t “good enough?” Many women don’t realize that are several different forms of abuse, not just physical. Mentally, emotionally, sexually, women can be abused without even realizing it. Did you know that manipulation and deception are forms of abuse? Did you realize that even intimidation, shame and fear are forms of abuse? When someone threatens you or destroys something belonging to you, even that is a form of abuse.

Men that are abusive have such a low self-image that they have the need to control the one they love in order to feel better about themselves. A person with genuine self-respect would have no desire or need to manipulate, deceive, intimidate, shame, control or scare anyone.

Manipulation is a subtle way of causing someone to feel guilt if they don’t do what the other person wants. That makes it a form of control. Deception is lying to someone to make sure they are not aware of what’s going on or what the truth is about someone. That makes it a form of control. Intimidation is treating someone like they are “less than”, that they aren’t important and have no say. That makes it a form of control. Shame is about devaluing someone for who they are, not necessarily what they do. That makes it a form of control. Fear is being afraid that something they might do, say, think or feel will cause major havoc between the worrier and the person that caused them the fear. The important thing to remember is this: “F-E-A-R” stands for “False Expectations Appearing Real.” That is a major awareness that will help in taking the steps towards becoming free of abuse.

There’s more to come in my next article. Stay tuned!


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    • Lene Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

      Lene' Lynn St. John 

      4 years ago from Glendale, AZ

      I totally agree...thank you for stopping by, reading and commenting, I really appreciate that. Check out my website where I do Life Coaching...there might be something there that interests you, as I have written 4 books, done internet radio and internet TV interviews, started hosting my own radio show on and also created my own line of Empowerment Greeting cards! God bless you, Linda! :)

    • Linda BookLady profile image

      Linda Jo Martin 

      4 years ago from Post Falls, Idaho, USA

      I think it is important to remember, as you pointed out, that the person who needs to control others is masking an inferiority complex. However, we who have been abused do not need to feel sorry for their shortcomings, so much as we need to leave the situation to find peace in our own lives.

    • profile image

      Lene Lynn 

      7 years ago

      Kim, thank you so much. It was rather short but at least now, as of Oct. 3, I have 2 books written on Kindle. One is called Illusions of Wisdom, and one is called "ABC's of Self-Realization". Go to and click on Kindle books and you will see them. They are $4.99 each and you don't need a Kindle, you can actually download the Kindle onto your computer! :) Let me know what you think about my books, I would love your professional opinion! :) Thank you!

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      Very well done hub - helpful and informative. Nice work

    • profile image

      Lene Lynn 

      7 years ago

      Gypsy, thank you! I appreciate it! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting. Have a great weekend, ok? :)

    • Gypsy Willow profile image

      Gypsy Willow 

      7 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

      Every one in a relationship should read this. good hub.

    • Lene Lynn profile imageAUTHOR

      Lene' Lynn St. John 

      7 years ago from Glendale, AZ

      CC, thank you! I appreciate your comments and I am really glad you stopped by to read my work. Abuse/manipulation is sometimes a very covert, insidious "dis-ease" when talking about the effects and devastation it causes in relationships, that is for sure! I am hoping you are in a safe and sane relationship...blessings and peace to you!

    • Chaotic Chica profile image

      Chaotic Chica 

      7 years ago

      How right you are. Very good hub and well written. The world needs more people are willing to understand that manipulation is a key factor in abusive relationships.


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