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Sugar, Spice and Puppydogs Tails | How Men Come To Want To Be Women

Updated on October 16, 2009

Are you a male who wants to wear women's clothing? Are you yearning for a touch of the feminine about yourself?  I have some good news for you, you're not alone. Why do you feel this way? Well, I can't tell you on a personal level, but I do like to theorize on a general level. There are many reasons why some men want to be women, and I do not claim that this article explains them all. Rather this is one look at a possible reason why young males may decide that it is better and more desirable to be female than it is to be male. Your mileage (and opinions) will vary. If you have personal experience you deem relevant, feel free to have your say in the comments.

This article about a Swedish couple raising their child without gender (long story short: they're not telling other people whether the kid is male or female,) raised some interesting points. Some readers commented that this was a good thing because people tend to treat boys and girls differently from birth. There may be a tendency to be softer and gentler with girls, whereas boys may be encouraged to be tough and strong and brave. Of course, when you're a relatively small human being, there's very little difference between being a boy and being a girl, and it is entirely possible that young male children may sometimes feel scared and alone because they are made to be more independent, pain resistant and generally disposable from a young age, whereas female siblings are cossetted and cuddled.

I do remember growing up with my younger brother, even though we both had egalitarian stickers which proclaimed “Girls can do anything!” and “Boys can do anything!” respectively, my brother would get in a lot more trouble when we would fight than I did. If we were discovered trying to beat the hell out of one another (which we did on a regular basis up until the age of about 10,) then chastisement would be much harsher for him than me, regardless of the fact that I was older.

It seems obvious that some males, depending on the circumstances of how they were raised, may come to see being female as being good, or being female as being safe. If a little girl falls over and grazes her knee, nobody tells her to be a man about it. If a punishment of some kind is to be meted out, nobody tells a little girl to 'take it like a man.' Now of course, not all parents treat their children in such gender disparate ways. But those who do could be contributing to what I'll call for want of a better term, 'gender jealousy.'

It goes both ways too. Boys often get away with more outrageous behavior, which comes under the umbrella of 'boys will be boys,' no, children will be children. However if a girl behaves in an overtly destructive or rambunctious way, she isn't just disciplined for the behavior, she is often also shamed for not being a good girl. Her very femininity and identity is questioned, which is far more powerful than a slap on the wrist, which is all a male is likely to experience.

But if a male sees that he is allowed to get away with more, that he is less protected than a female, is it not also possible that he views himself as less important, on some level? After all, as humans, we protect that which is important to us, and we sacrifice or let go that which we are not so concerned about.

Of course, some of this has its roots deep in evolution. When we were cave people, protecting women was important because by protecting (and controlling) women, we were protecting genetic lineages. Men on the other hand, were more useful if they went out and spread their material about.

We're not cave people any more, though many instincts from that time remain. Instead, some of us raise small children according to values which no longer work in the modern world and which can even lead to rejection of those norms and rules if they are enforced too rigorously. After all, if I were male, I am sure I would find the idea of being valued, cossetted and treasured as a female to be highly appealing.

So, what do you think?


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    • profile image


      2 years ago

      I have been wanting to be feminine my self but now I will be able . Talked to my Dr. about growing breast and really want to feel feminine and be who i really want age 52

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      I think two factors come into play in my interest in wearing lingerie and other women's clothing. I was the third boy in our family and my mother dearly wanted a girl. Some say this provides a hormone rush at birth that predisposes the offspring towards femininity. Another important reason for me is that I'm a sensualist, and love the feel of nylon or silk and lace, or sometimes snug articles like a girdle.

      My two older brothers were busy with boy things that left their little brother out, so this relative isolation may have allowed me to get more in touch with my feminine side. I know I was checking out my mother's lingerie drawer and cosmetics at a very early age.

    • 50 Caliber profile image

      50 Caliber 

      9 years ago from Arizona

      Interesting, take on the differences of gender while bearing reared. I find I have to throw in a third difference and that would be, being the middle child, Older brother, younger sister. Seemed my standards were different from both of the other two. Parents, it seems to me are harsher on the 1st born and as they learn the how to of parenting they are much more lax on the younger children. Dad was a Marine and Mom was a housewife. So wait until your father gets home was the syndrome for the boys, and it was butt kicking time when Mom ratted us out to Dad. The little girl got a spat from Mom and that was that. So in that regard, it was an appealing thought not to have to endure the "when Pop's got home" blistered butt. Other than that it, in my mind had little to do with the why of my panty obsession. I did not have any interest in wearing Moms Panties or my sisters either. Now when some cute little girl would come to spend the night or weekend, their pantys were not safe from my prying eyes or even some actual theft. I knew I could not steal them every time or some one would start wondering "who took the goods" so restraint was in order to stay undiscovered. My freinds older sisters were always a target for my peeping and if opportunity arose, hijacking a pair every now and again.

      If I were talented in writing as you are Hope, I could probably write a hub concerning the early days of my life and the changes I went through over time in regards to Panty wearing and the expansion of full "drag" and the eventual de-escalation of these thoughts and actions back to just panties and nylon slips and the role they played in my relations with other women.

      Alas, my spelling and puncuation is lacking as well as my 4 finger typing skills. So I'll leave these great topics to you, and enjoy the ones that cross my experiences.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Interesting thoughts, Hope.

      Especially the point with boys being punished harder for fighting with sisters is a thing I think I can confirm.

      While I enjoy being a male, I'd also enjoy having some of the benefits of the female treatment.

    • profile image

      Fairy Mary 

      9 years ago

      Interesting points Hope. I personally wear lingerie because I find myself more in tune with a gentler side of me and a quite different perspective on the world in general. Perhaps this is more based on the satisfaction of doing what I wish to rather than wishing that I could, but there may well be a sub-concious programming from my childhood having an input as well.


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