- Gender and Relationships
The Judgement Era
Treatment of others
Too often we meet people and start to try and find something to criticize. Our initial thoughts are typically something along the lines of, "Oh this person is so great because _____." You can fill in the blank with any positive adjective you can think of: intelligent, beautiful, an asset to my company, etc. However this asset quickly becomes the thing that makes you turn on this person. Maybe you feel they are more attractive than you, and it makes you feel not as pretty or handsome. Or maybe you realize there is some good in their work, and it may make you look inferior to your boss. Perhaps you believe they would even be a threat to your job as you know it.
So instead of feeling confident of who you are as a person, as you should feel, you begin to attack that person and everything they stand for and do. You tear them down, instead of taking their talents and using it to help your situation. You go to your nearest neighbor or friend and say you don't like them and what your reasoning is. Then the gossip mill starts to turn its proverbial wheel. The negativity spreads like a disease. This new person has zero chance of winning the hearts and minds of anyone that respects you.
So do you believe you handled this situation appropriately? Was that the kind choice? The positive choice? What good will it ultimately do you to say negative things about someone who, when you get deep down to it, you ultimately feel threatened by? Not someone whom you truly dislike.
All of us are on a journey. We take many paths to get to the place we are now. We all have valuable experiences that make us unique and special. You should never discount some else's experience (or lack thereof),or think your experience is better. This all may sound very hoakey, but it is as simple as this to live and work in a positive environment.
It is my belief that meeting people, and the timing of meeting them, is not a coincidence. God, (or whatever you choose to call him) or fate, puts that person in your life at that moment for a purpose. Look at all the people who you love in your life. You met your spouse at the right time. Your best friend helped you through so much turmoil. Do you think that is all just coincidence? I'm sure that the purpose of meeting this new person was not to insult the person or hurt them. It is usually for you to learn some sort of lesson. No one person in your life is useless.
As the person who may be the target of this hatred or gossip, you need to stay resilient. If you know in your heart of hearts that your actions have been chosen to be helpful, positive, make a difference or be kind, then it is the other person who has the issue. Not you. It is not easy, but you need to try your best not to get caught up in the gossip and negativity. All you will do by choosing to fight back is prove their point. I have added the quote here as a reminder that if you are coming from a positive place, you do not mean any harm, you work hard,and you try to be a happy person, that all of the rest will eventually fall away. A reputation is someone's opinion of you, not who you truly are. People who are caught up in their reputations only care what others think, what they appear to be on the surface. They are not looking at who they,or you, are inside. People who gossip have sullied their character. Notice I didn't say ruined.
We are all human and with recognition of our mistakes we can all stop the gossip mills, and feeling inferior. Imagine if the day you meet that new person, you recognize their attributes for what they are and work as a team? Or compliment them? Or even just smile and say, "It's great to meet you?" That type of response could yield a wonderful workplace. It could bring about creative visions that haven't occurred before when you put your heads together. A simple compliment could brighten their day. It could start a friendship. A smile can spread like wildfire. Try it next time you go somewhere. Smile at the person standing next to you in line. Watch their reaction. Watch them smile at the next person they pass. If we could all try our best to be less judgemental and work on our character, imagine the world we could live in. All the change starts right here with you.